My Heart

My Heart;

My heart is like any other heart,
It can heal, and be torn apart.

It can be smiling and it can be sore,
As long as it has something to beat for.

If it is loved, it feels joy,
Drawn towards the heart of a boy.

If it is hated, it doesn’t want to feel,
It rejects emotions, sees them as unreal.

But if my heart is loveless,
It beats no more, no less.

If it has been torn so many times,
Been the victim of too many crimes.

If it is too hurt, too sore,
It beats no more.

So don’t hurt my heart,
Don’t mistreat and tear it apart.

Love it, and love it more,
Let it know what it beats for.

oww this was a sweet poem.
Though it's kind of one of those typical teenage poems (I write them a lot too. But it's not bad just saying that you have to evolve and find your true voice and ditch writing about broken hearts. But it comes with maturity.I am just starting to find my voice.) but it's marvelous and amazing nonetheless.

I just find this line a little off flow-
'If it is hated, it doesn’t want to feel,
It rejects emotions, sees them as unreal.'

Otherwise it's nice and perfect.
Keep up the good work

Lord Sva-Tantra

Hey Demoness,

This poem relies on flow for it to be effective, but your rhythm is choppy. Here's a couple of examples:

My heart is like any other heart,
It can heal, and be torn apart.

The comma in the middle needlessly breaks it up. I'd advise:

My heart is like any other heart:
it can heal and it can be torn apart.

The extra "it can" in there balances the flow. It's also more emphatic.

It can be smiling and it can be sore,
As long as it has something to beat for.

The second part of this feels off toward the end. I'd advise:

It can be smiling and it can be sore,
But only if it has something to beat for.

Balances it out again.

If it is loved, it feels joy,
Drawn towards the heart of a boy.

"Drawn towards" seems strange to me. I think you could rephrase this to something different. Remember to read it aloud to find out the bumps in the lines, because right now this is odd.

I don't think you should embolden "heart" each time -- it doesn't add anything.

As for the content, I found it stale and overdone. There's nothing new here for us to digest or comprehend. You're talking about love and hearts the way everyone always talks about love and hearts. That's not interesting for a reader, unfortunately.

This was AMAZING! I loved the way that you made those few words bold at certain times, but in the future, try to refrain from doing that. It takes the reader away from letting their own imagination pick out the powerful words. It's almost like you're cheating them of the pleasure to read your work when you point it out before they've read. It's like spoiling a surprise, what's the point?

I thought that the flow of the poem was a little uneven and would be better. When I was reading it, sometimes I had to stop and think and again about what I just read and really tried to make it rhyme in my head, even though it didn't quite fit the sentence. So just keep those two things in mind for what ever you plan on writing and it might help. Other than that, I thought that it was beautiful and it was leaking originality.
Keep it real,
Shanan ;D

Hi Demoness! I hate to say it, but I find this poem to be rather bland. My heart: isn't the topic a bit overused? This seems like something you would find in somebody's AIM screenname profile, you know?

Your enjambment was nice, and the flow was apt. I will grant you that any day. But, you see, you want to make people love the poem for what it says, not for what the big fancy bolded words look like.

I sincerely hope this helps!

- Abigail

Oh my gosh!!
I love that poem. It's really good(:
I enjoyed it alot.

Demoness wrote:My Heart;

My heart is like any other heart,
It can heal, and be torn apart.<--- Ahhh!!! the feeling of love

It can be smiling and it can be sore,
As long as it has something to beat for.<--- I like the construction of words and it's meaning I can feel you

If it is loved, it feels joy,
Drawn towards the heart of a boy.<--- Loving someone gives us inspiration

If it is hated, it doesn’t want to feel,
It rejects emotions, sees them as unreal.

But if my heart is loveless,
It beats no more, no less.<---true emotions speaks for themselves

If it has been torn so many times,
Been the victim of too many crimes.

If it is too hurt, too sore,
It beats no more.

So don’t hurt my heart,
Don’t mistreat and tear it apart.

Love it, and love it more,
Let it know what it beats for.<--- lastly the rhyming looks good I also like it

Overall, I like your poem about Love. It really inspires me and other people
Keep writing!!! Thumbs Up!
Much love, Vir