I'm Being

I’m being painted by the rain,
I’m being purled about the drain.
Just before the impact,
when I become abstract,
dissolve me like sugar cane.

I’m being dusted by liquid sunshine,

I’m being enlivened within the pine.
Just before the embrace,
when they start their race,
quaff me like aged wine.

I’m being nuzzled by mint water,
I’m being roused until I’m hotter.
Just before the collision,
I smile at my decision,
and know that I have caught her.

Hey, so I really like this poem. It has a very nice, mysterious flow. The rhyming is subtle, the whole poem is very...sensual. I like how you used purled by the way! I don't really have any negative comments. Its a great piece. I hope you keep writing. I look forward to seeing more from you

This poem was very good, I liked the flow of rhyme. Overall there is not anything wrong with it that I can see. Keep writing!

-M.

Aow, This poem was awesome, and the way you built it up was very interesting. The whole thing flowed very well and i liked that last line very much. Also i like how the whole thing doesnt sound forced at all even though you use complicated words to rhyme with... All set, i liked it alot. And just like Isaac I cant really find something negative about this poem.
All I can add is that maybe it would sound better if you wrote "a sugarcane" instead of just "sugar cane"
Otherwise, good work, keep it up.

// Hugs and Hearts from Sagaa

Ok so this was among the most well done poems here.
Your maturity reflects in your poems.
This poem was very polished (unlike many and mine) and it's flow was just marvelous.
I agree with demoness and except for the one she pointed out I couldn't find any glitches.
This was a job well done.
*clicks the like button*

Lord Sva-Tantra

Hello there

Wow, this is pretty good. At first I was a bit unsure with you repeating "I'm being" within the first two lines, but it flowed really well after that. You used great imagery, great flow. I really enjoyed this, it was refreshing from what I see everyday.

Good job.

really nice and deep. keep writing!

That was enchanting. It really spiked your intrest. It was one of those things that make you think. Something that makes you ponder. It shows real potential and proves a positive outlook. Good luck.

That was great. Are you from New Zealand?