Sea Ballet

In a costume of white trimming and rippling fabric swaying,
Dancing to the rhythmic beat of thunder across a ashen set
Where a ballet of chaotic magnificence takes place
The dancer arching her back and then leaping up
And receding again into the ancient backdrop
The dancer takes her last bow, withdrawing in time with the din

Overall, a great metaphorical poem. Loved it.

In a costume of white trimming and rippling fabric swaying,

No flaws that I could see in this line. It is a wonderful introductory line, like a topic sentence in a paragraph. I can immediately see, from the title, 'Sea Ballet' to the 'white trimming' and 'rippling fabric', a deep blue ocean with its waves, and the sea foam trimming its edges.

Dancing to the rhythmic beat of thunder across a ashen set

Same great metaphors, blending nicely in with the first line. But the 'a ashen' should be 'an ashen'.

Where a ballet of chaotic magnificence takes place

I like your use of 'chaotic magnificence'. It portrays the picture well enough. But 'ballet' is kind of redundant. I think it should be something like 'a whirlwind' or something of that sort.

The dancer arching her back and then leaping up

I don't entirely understand what metaphor this is, or even if there is one. If there isn't, there should be. Otherwise it's even harder to understand. What I see is a dancer on a stage, which I don't think is what you meant.

And receding again into the ancient backdrop

Receding is a good word. It is often used to show waves receding, and the blending of the dancer and waves is a great image. I didn't at first get the 'ancient' backdrop, but I think I get it now. The ocean is ancient, right?

The dancer takes her last bow, withdrawing in time with the din

All great, except since it's the end of the poem, I would put a period at the end of the last line.

Also, I wouldn't call this narrative poetry. It doesn't really tell a story, it just deeply describes an action. I would call it dramatic poetry.

Otherwise, awesome job!

If I repeat anything it is because I haven't read the other review. sorry. Grammar , things I like, and comments.

bluebird24 wrote:In a costume of white trimming and rippling fabric swaying,
Dancing to the rhythmic beat of thunder across an ashen set. What is the Ashen set?
Where a ballet of chaotic magnificence takes place. I don't really like the word Ballet
The dancer arching her back and then leaping up, This makes me see a dancer... not the ocean. Until I read it a second time did I realize you must mean the waves.
And receding again into the ancient backdrop.
The dancer takes her last bow, withdrawing in time with the din. This also makes me picture a dancer. I don't get how the ocean could take a bow.

Overall I really like this. There isn't rhyme or rhythm (that I can see), but it still flows. You just need to smooth out some things.

Hope I helped,

A. S.

I actually really liked this. I thought the comparison of a single wave from an ocean storm to a ballet dancer was wonderful and imaginative. The only thing I would suggest is to add some punctuation, to clarify what's going on. It took me a few reads to completely understand the first 2 lines and what they were describing, and I think a few commas and periods would help explain the metaphors.

Other than that, I think you have a winner right here.

Hi Bluebird24! First things first, I love your avatar! The Smurfs rule!

Now, onto the poem ...

I really have just one criticism. Adjectives, adjectives, adjectives. They're everywhere, and they aren't adding that much to the poem. Description can be made in a variety of ways; adjectives is one of them, but there are also personifications, metaphors, similes, hyperboles, onomatopoeias, alliterations, oxymorons, and so many more. I can find only two in this poem: metaphors and adjectives. But adjectives can become so redundant! For example ...

bluebird24 wrote:In a costume of white trimming and rippling fabric swaying,

The word "swaying" is not necessary here because if the fabric is rippling, it is implied that it is swaying as well.

I hope this helps, and you really do have a beautiful poem here.

Hello again. I like your metaphor skill. The way you use the ballet for the sea is a bit over-done, but luckily, you bring it some fresh life. Kudos.

On the last line, I think the term "last bow" is inaccurate. If you are using the sea as the metaphor, then there is never a last bow. try something like, The dancer takes her bows, one of many encores. Hmmm. I would suggest playing with that for a while...

Over all, this is a good poem. Your metaphors are right on target.

This was simply beautiful. The imagery is both vague and evocative, presenting a translucent mirage of blue and white. I'm still a little hazy on what it's actually about, but it presents a lovely subconscious picture. I imagined dolphins leaping into the air and water ballet dancers twirling beneath the surface. Bravo, my friend!

I could definately learn something from your use of methaphors!

I like the poem!