I Look....

I lay in bed,
Watching.
I look at the
Flying bird
Outside my window.
I look at the
Trees,
Dancing and swaying
With the wind.
I look at the
Crack
Splitting my cieling.
I look at the
Sleeping form
Across from me.
I look at the
Rise and the
Fall
Of the blankets.
I look at the
Way the curtains
Float on the window.
I look into the
Mirror
In my closet.
I see the reflection of
The room.
I see the reflection of
My bed,
My blanket...
But
I have disappeared.
My reflection does not exist.

Well, first and far most of it when I was reading this I felt like after every 3 words or so you'd skip a line. When writers do that they should really put some words together, like one sentence then a few words straying away from the others. Like this:

amandajo wrote:I lay in bed,
Watching.
I look at the flying bird outside my window.
I look at the trees,
Dancing and swaying with the wind.

See how its much easier to read like that? Try for something more different than the periods(.) commas (,) make it more interesting to read. Good luck and keep writing.

-M.

It was good, you twist ended a poem good. It could flow a little better

Hello, Well, I like the poem but the way you formated it just makes it hard to read.

I lay in bed,
Watching.
I look at the flying bird outside my window. you could take out "flying" and the line would still have the same efect
I look at the trees,
Dancing and swaying with the wind.
I look at the crack
Splitting my cieling.
I look at the sleeping form across from me. here I think it would sound better to put "beside me" to replace "across from me"
I look at the rise and the fall of the blankets.
I look at the way the curtains float on the window. you might consider changing this to "I look at the curtains floating on the window"
I look into the mirror in my closet.
I see the reflection of the room.
I see the reflection of really you can take out this part and just go on with "my bed
My bed,
My blanket...
But I have disappeared.
My reflection does not exist.

I think that with some editing this poem can be very very good.

Also, these are just suggestions...

~Rain~

Hello there! This was very good poem. I go however agree upon the fact that at some points the flow of it is.... odd, for lack of a better word. Like here-

I look at the
Rise and the
Fall
Of the blankets.

I don't know, when I was reading this, there was something that just sound right with the flow.
But all in all, very nice. Keep up the work =)

This may seem a little bit redundant because of the previous reviews, but frankly I have the same thing to say: it needs to flow more. The flow could be better by simply combining two lines into one here and there. Beside that, I love the simplicity of this poem, because it makes the ending very surprising.