Chapter 3,
Helpless Hope
I couldn't make sense of this, Jane was dead and yet she was here. I was standing within arms length. What was going on here ? She looked me down with a frown then sighed and smiled. A warm smile that remind me of the stories she told me when I was an infant.
"Pretty Alex. Shouldn't you be at school already ?" she asked.
"I came up here to find something." I stuttered.
"Oh? Something about me ?" she said, then suddenly I was looking into an empty door frame. A cold gust of wind blew and ruffled my hair, I turned quickly toward the wind and saw Jane sitting by the box.
"I miss these days, going through my old things were one of my favorite pass times, you know. A lot to look through, " then she sighed again, " Yes so much...."
She looked up at me then. She looked alive, but her skin was a bit see-through. She was wearing a cap, shorts, and a t-shirt that said 'Forever The Sickest Kids' a band I listened to all the time. She wasn't wearing any shoes and her hair was curled into ringlets. She was stunningly beautiful, and I began to grow jealous. I wasn't ugly, my mom told me I wasn't all the time. But I sometimes found that hard to believe.
"Alex, this is not good for you. You needn't concern yourself with things that are not of your understanding. You must realize I made my own choice. You cannot change anything, you cannot do anything. You should quit while you're ahead. It would be much less painful for us all."
"No. I need you, Jane! Now more than ever. I don't understand much, but you have to help me. I'm losing sight of who I am. Why won't you help me ? Tell me a story like old times, Jane. Please."
She pursed her lips then rolled her eyes," I suppose you get your drama skills from my stories. But I guess one more wouldn't hurt....This isn't going to be a story though, it's going to be pictures that I drew. Each one of them has something special about them. I wrote something on the back of each one. I want you to read them aloud to me."
"Where are the pictures?" I ask.
"Under that stack of paper next to my baby picture."
I found three pictures, one that was a lamp in the desert, filled in the back ground were tiny stars and the moon. On the back of it three lines painted a new picture in my head:
Over a valley when the sun sets at night,
a little bright lamp fills the sky.
Then as it brightens our hearts begin to fly.
-J.C.
The next was a lunch box painting, with a hippie van on the sticker:
The only war is the war within ourselves,
The only anger we have is to something we don't like.
If we could only enjoy the little things, life would be better.
-J.C.
The next was a grave stone and a broken stick man lay dead in a coffin underground, this one was the hardest to read aloud. I looked at Jane and she was looking at the picture.
"It's okay, I'll read this one for you."
She read:
Even when darkness falls and trees die,
even when the world feels lost and you are helpless,
you help by staying alive, if you dare to care...
Please don't die. Keep hope alive.
-Matthew & J.C.
I look up for Jane to only see a tear trickle down her eye. She sighs once more and disappears into the light of morning. I sit there for a moment and collapse. I cry and cry for hours, Jane didn't return that day. Which made it worse.
