Misty Eyes: Chapter Three

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The corridor was dark and cold and the click of Mist’s heels echoed throughout it. There were no windows and it was made of black stone. Mist looked around at the portraits on the walls; portraits of famous pixies and their stories. She stopped to look at Patterson, the creator of the weed, Patterson’s Curse. Beneath his name, his story read:
Judged for being the first homosexual faerie, Patterson grew angry at the Faerie Court when they told him he was no longer allowed to use his powers, for his sexual preference was unusual. He cursed them with an evil purple flower that they would never be rid of until they apologised. Patterson died in 1804, never getting his apology. The flower remains and has spread to the Free World.
Mist shuddered at the thought of him and quickly moved on from his portrait. There were other faeries too, good and bad. She glanced at them all as she passed them. Finally, after a long walk, Mist reached the end wall. She knocked on the great oak door.
“Enter,” a female voice answered. The door opened and Mist stepped into a small, low-ceilinged room with a fire, a small bookcase and a desk that had a woman sitting at it. The woman was slender with very prominent cheekbones and brown hair that had been messily tied into a bun. She had small glasses that sat at the tip of her nose for a superior look.
“Sit,” she ordered. Mist did as she was told, sitting on a tattered arm chair. “Immisteria Franzie?” Mist nodded. The woman opened a folder and began looking through it. “Hmmm… Right. Well I must say we are very impressed with you, Immisteria,” she said.
“Thank you, Mistress Ebony,” Mist answered. Ebony nodded as she looked through the folder some more.
“You are very lucky,” she said, “as we have just been informed of a mission to the Free World. There have been sightings of one of the Stones of Eline down there. We have already sent several pixies there, but so far… nothing.” She closed the folder and put it on a pile of other folders. “The thing is, we feel that because it’s the stone of your family, you might have more luck.” Mist nodded in agreement but said nothing. She was nervous, unsure of what she could say. Ebony looked her up and down. “You are the daughter of Sychristis and Darrientus Franzie, correct?” Mist nodded again. “You certainly have qualities of your mother. As for your father, you look nothing like him.” Mist had nothing to say, so she again nodded. She didn’t like the way Ebony was surveying her.
She looked at her feet, which were dressed in black, pointed high-heels. Ebony gave a weary sigh. “We are impressed,” Ebony repeated, “but we still must ask you some questions, just so we know you are truly knowledgeable.” Mist nodded yet again to show she understood. “You are aware of the difference between a faerie and a fairy?” Ebony asked. Mist bit her lip, unsure of whether she was correct with her answer.
“Is it not just that it is different ways of spelling the same word?”
“That is incorrect. Humans think the same, but they are foolish and know nothing of our world. Faerie is the collective term of pixies, sprites, angels and fairies. Fairies, on the other hand are part of the collective term. The difference in pronunciation cannot be heard to the human ear.” Mist gulped, feeling idiotic. “Next question; are you aware of the importance of angels?” Relieved that she knew the answer, Mist let go of the breath she had been holding.
“Angels are the rulers of all faeries,” Mist replied, using the term she had just learnt. “They come down from heaven on a golden staircase every four years to check on the other faeries. They are said to be employed by God and if any other faerie is doing wrong they are damned to hell or sent to the Underworld. They are the most important creatures of our existence.” Ebony nodded to show Mist was correct.
“Well, Mist, I can’t really describe how much we need someone like you. Excellent posture, highly trained in the art of karate, extremely good marks in all subjects at Magic and Flying schools. I must say you would be perfect for the job.” Mist smiled and stood to leave. “Ah, before you go, Immisteria, I’ll need you to sign a few forms.”
“Of course. Anything you need.” She quickly scrawled her name on several pieces of paper. “Thank you for the job, ma’am. When can I begin work?”
“Well, we’re starting the mission in two days. I’ll need you to pack clothes that are similar to what the average human would wear. Can you do that?” Mist looked down at the clothes she was wearing. A green silk blouse and a long white skirt.
“I can only try. But I am highly trained in magic, remember? It shouldn’t be too hard,” Mist smiled and turned away, feeling very pleased with herself. She was finally doing something she wanted.
We all have moments of desperation, but if we face them head on, that's when we find out just how strong we really are. - Mary-Alice Young, Desperate Housewives




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This was really good--and so creative! You used dialogue extremely well, and your descriptions were beautiful and interesting. I found myself hooked right from the start.
My only small criticism was that Mistress Ebony was a little flat as a character. I think you could develop her just a bit more. But then again, she may only be a minor character, and therefore it's not such a big deal.
Other than that, though, this was superb. Keep writing.




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Not bad. ^^ My review:

"There were no windows and it was made of black stone" This sentence and the one before it bothers me a little bit. Try and blend it into the story a little more subtley... Personally, I don't like it when the description feels like it's inturrupting the story. Try something like this, maybe? "The windowless corridor was dark and cold, and the click of Mist’s heels on the black stone echoed throughout it." :/ Still not perfect... I guess what I mean is, try and make it a little less obvious.

"evil purple flower." Haha. XD

Is Patterson important at all? Why tell us about him and only him? It seems like there must be other 'important pixies'... Maybe focus a little less on him and his evil purple flowers and give a little blurb about him, followed by blurbs about other pixies of note? Also... How did he curse them with a flower if he wasn't using his powers? :/

"The door opened and Mist stepped into a small, low-ceilinged room with a fire, a small bookcase and a desk that had a woman sitting at it." The woman feels like kind of an afterthought. Generally a person would be the first thing you'd notice upon entering a room, so maybe make her be the first thing in the description, and then describe the rest? Or not. XD Just a little thing I felt was kind of off...

"She looked at her feet, which were dressed in black, pointed high-heels." Her feet aren't dressed in black, pointed high-heels. SHE is dressed in black, pointed high-heels, and it sounds odd to put it any other way. I'd reword it. "She looked at her feet, which were jammed into black, pointed high-heels." Something like that. Pretty much any word other than 'dressed'. XD

" “Angels are the rulers of all faeries,” Mist replied" Why put the emphasis on faeries when she just learned the difference isn't detectable to the human ear? Does that mean it IS detectable to the fairy's ear? Also, being that she IS a fairy, wouldn't she already know the term? It'd be like not knowing the term 'Earthlings' or something, wouldn't it? The fact that she didn't know something it seems like she SHOULD know just made me think, "The author is trying to give me information through the characters, but she's trying too hard." Try and think about it. Is there another way you could give the reader the difference without making your main character look like a brainless ninny? ;) Maybe have her give the RIGHT definition? Recite a lesson she learned when she was little? *shrugs*

"Excellent posture, highly trained in the art of karate, extremely good marks in all subjects at Magic and Flying schools" Seeing posture along with martial arts, magic, and flying made me lol. Not sure if that's what you were going for... XD I think you can probably leave it. Just from picturing Miss Ebony, it seems like something she'd think was important. :) I like Miss Ebony. More than Misty. The other thing that gave me pause in that sentence was the karate thing.

Karate, tai kwon do, etc... At a glance it seems like similar stuff (at least to me, who doesn't really know much about it). Martial arts, which gives your character the ability to kick other characters' butts. However, 'karate' seems like you - as the author - are bragging about your character, and trying to make them sound impressive. Now, don't get me wrong, martial arts training is fine... But I think I've heard that part of the difference between karate and tai kwon do and stuff is what country it came from. These pixies/fairies/faeries/whatever are from a totally different WORLD, right? So why do they know karate? Why not some other form of martial arts? I think what would make more sense to me is if there's some entirely new, faerie form of martial arts, that incorporates their flight and magic and stuff the way human forms of that kind wouldn't. :)

Does Misty WANT to be in the PMA? I thought before she was bemoaning her situation with Gertrude, and they were talking about how it was SO dangerous and she regretted making the oath or something like that... Or at least that's the vibe I got. Come to think of it, it's been a while since I read that chapter. Point is, she hasn't exactly been bouncing up and down in excitement about it up to this point, and yet now she seems eager. :/

This continues to be interesting, but right now I'm waiting for the real action to start. First chapter, we find out she made an oath and her fiance's a lying scumbag. Second chapter, the lying scumbag gets punched in the face and runs off to join his beloved. We find that Misty's going to join the PMA. Third chapter, she goes to join PMA - which we already KNEW she was going to do - and is put on a mission. But we still don't have a whole lot of action up to this point. I'm hoping the action starts soon, or else this may run the risk of becoming (GASP! Horror of horrors!) boring. :(

I'm still having a little trouble connecting with your main character. Harsh as it sounds, at the moment I don't really care what happens to her. :( Something you may want to watch.

Still... This isn't awfully written, and I'm hoping it will pick up in the next few chapters. XD
"Pay Attention. Pay Close Attention to everything, everything you see. Notice what no one else notices, and you'll know what no one else knows. What you get is what you get. What you do with what you get is more the point. -- Loris Harrow, City of Ember (Movie)



Uh, Lisa, the whole reason we have elected officials is so we don't have to think all the time. Just like that rainforest scare a few years back: our officials saw there was a problem and they fixed it, didn't they?
— Homer Simpson