Saved on the Killer Mountain- Chapter Nine

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Three days later, Peter and Elijah found themselves on a plane to Barrow.

"Look!" Peter shook Elijah as he pointed out the window of the airplane.

"Shut up. I'll see it when we land," Elijah moaned as he turned his head away from Peter.

"Look, Eli! It's so white!" Peter shook Elijah harder. "You have to see the snow! I've never seen so much!"

"I'll see it when we land," Elijah mumbled as he tried to fall back asleep.

"But Eli, we're landing now! You have to look!"

"I don't have to if I don't wanna." Elijah sat up and stretched.

"Look out the stinkin' window!" Peter grabbed Elijah's head and turned it towards the window.

"Okay. I looked. Happy now?" Elijah asked, irritated.

"Very." Peter smiled widely as the plane landed in Barrow.

"So, do you know what we're goin' to be doin' after we land?"

"I think we're going to go check into the hotel. Then, we have to rest of the day to piddle around town."

"Cool."

The plane touched the ground and the flight attendants started walking around and helping people with bags and seat belts.

"Pete, could you help me here?" Elijah struggled with his seat belt.

"You can't unbuckle yourself?"

"No! My hand is getting in the way! Just help me."

Peter laughed as he helped untangle Elijah's arm from the belt. "That's why you shouldn't get into fights."

"And that's why you get picked on all the time."

"At least people like me," Peter retorted as he finally got Elijah's hand free.

Elijah paused as he stood. Then, looking at Peter, said, "I don't have a reply for that." Peter laughed.

They grabbed their carry-on bags and got off the plane. Only one bag was to be brought to Alaska, and it was supposed to be carrying everything that they would be bringing up on Nanga Parbat.

Peter and Elijah met with the rest of the team going on the expedition in the airport. Peter grabbed Elijah's shoulder. "Look! You can see my breath!" Peter exclaimed as he exhaled deeply.

"What are you, five?"

"No," Peter said as he zipped up his bulky coat.

They walked up to the group of men. A tall man with curly blond hair stepped forth from the group. "You two must be the Georgians, right?" They nodded their heads. The jolly man smiled widely with his rosy cheeks and nose. "Well, it's nice to meet you! I'm Henry, the expedition leader. If you have any problems, come to me. For now, just stand here with us while we wait for one more guy. He missed his flight."

"Eli! This is so cool!" Peter said with his true excitement obviously restrained.

"Just shut up and calm down," Elijah retorted through the dense scarf wrapped around his head.

Peter turned around to face another from the the group. "Hi there! I'm Peter! Nice to meet you!" He held out his hand.

He, with his beefy hand, grabbed Peter's hand and shook it vigorously causing Peter to lose some feeling in it. "Very nice to meet you, Peter. Call me Bert," he replied in his deep voice.

"Cool! So, where you from?"

"New Orleans," the large man smiled, revealing the space in his mouth where a tooth had once been.

"Oh! Cool! I've always wanted to visit there!"

"Yes, and where are you from?"

"Georgia! Just south of Atlanta."

"Neat." As Bert was about to reply, Henry started motioning a boy over. The boy's shaggy, brown hair hung in his face under a red baseball cap.

"Okay," Henry began, "Our bus is waiting outside to take us to our hotel. When we get to the hotel, you are to go to your room and get settled. Then, you have the rest of the day to goof off. The town's small, so you won't get lost."

"Eli," Peter whispered, "did you hear that? We have the entire day to do whatever!"

"The snow is real deep. It's probably not safe to go outside," Elijah replied dully.

"Haven't you always wanted to jump into three feet of snow? I have! It's going to be epic, and you know!"

"Whatever. Go kill yourself in the snow. I'm going to lie down and rest in the nice, warm hotel room."

Henry continued, "Anyway, now that we're all here, I've got one more thing to say before we leave for the hotel. Treat this like a school field trip. You are going to have a partner, and you two will share a hotel room, and you are expected to stay with each other at all times. Remember the buddy system."

The boy who was late spoke up, "So," with his deep New York accent, "are we going to get to choose our partners, or are they assigned?"

"Since none of us really know each other, you have assigned room mates," Henry answered, "They are: Bertram and Nicholas, Christopher and Ralph, Peter and Elijah, Samson and Archibald, and Lucas and I."

Everyone began looking around to find their partner. Peter looked at Elijah happily. "So," Peter nudged Elijah, "looks like we're roomies!"

"Oh God." Elijah placed his palm upon his forehead in desperation.

"Don't use the Lord's name in vain, Eli."

"Whatever."

The New Yorker, Archibald, stood motionless until the last guy, Samson, walked over, introduced himself, and shook his hand.

"Hey," Elijah whispered to Peter, "that Yank over there sure ain't friendly, is he?"

"I don't know. We should go over there and introduce ourselves. He looks about our age. Maybe we can make a new friend. I mean, we're going to be spending the next two to three moths with the guy," Peter smiled as he grabbed Elijah's arm and dragged him over towards Samson and Archibald.

"Hi there!" Peter held out his hand, "I'm Peter, and this is Elijah. Nice to meet you!"

"Hi," Archibald replied rudely.

"Where are you from?"

"New York."

"Cool! We're from Geor-" Peter's smile softened, noticing the unamused expression on Archibald's face.

"I really don't care," he cut Peter off.

"Hey," Elijah stepped forward, "he's just trying to be friendly. You don't have to be so rude to him."

"I don't care, so shut up!"

Noticing the tension between Elijah and Archibald, Samson stepped between them. "I'm Sam. Pleasure to meet you both," Sam said with his deep accent.

Peter replied, "Dude! Your accent is awesome! Where are you from?"

"My family immigrated from Mexico to America when I was little. I'm a citizen now though."

"Cool!"

"So, where did you say you two were from, again?" He scratched his head, trying to remember.

"Georgia."

"Oh yeah. That's south east from here, right?"

"Uh..." Peter turned towards Elijah obviously confused by the question.

Elijah added, "Yes, that's right. It's like on the southeast corner of the United States."

Henry interrupted, "Come on everyone. The bus is outside waiting for us! Grab your bags and head out!"

Elijah picked his backpack up off the floor and started walking towards the exit with Peter. He glared back over his shoulder at Archibald. Peter, noticing Elijah's anger, shouted as they walked outside, "Eli! Look at the snow!"

They looked up into the sky as little white flakes fell from the clouds above. Elijah let go of the door behind him, but Peter caught it quickly and held it for Samson and Archibald.

"Thank you!" Sam said as he walked outside. Archibald just walked through the door and to the bus. Peter caught up with Elijah as they stepped up into the bus.

"Peter, this place is so," Elijah paused to think.

"Awesome? Beautiful? Wondrous? Breath-taking?" Peter questioned as Elijah thought.

"Cold," Elijah continued as he zipped his jacket up more.

They sat down in the seat directly behind the driver because the heater was right there. Peter scooted in first and immediately placed his face against the window to enjoy the surroundings. Elijah just sat looking straight ahead anxiously awaiting their arrival at the nice, warm hotel.

As the bus pulled away, Peter waved to random people shivering in the snow on the side of the road.

"Peter! Stop acting weird. Those people are gonna think there is somethin' wrong with you." Elijah pulled Peter from the window.

"Aw, Eli, you know, you used to do the same thing."

"Yeah, when I was seven!"

"Whatever," Peter said, changing the subject, "So, what're we gonna do when we get to the hotel room?"

"I thought you wanted to play in the snow," Elijah said as he tried to scratch his hand under the cast.

"Oh I do, but I'll do that later. What do you wanna do?"

"Honestly, my mom woke me up at four, so I was going to sleep, but if you really want me to, I'll go outside with you." He rubbed his palm over his face in a failed attempt to wake himself up more.

"Oh," Peter paused to think, "You know what? You can go take a nap while I go and explore the hotel. I've never been to one before. Then, when I'm finished, I'll go and get you, and we can go look around town. What do you say?"

"Fine with me as long as you let my nap last at least an hour or two."

"Okay!" He turned around in the seat to face the elderly couple behind them. "Hi! I'm Peter!"

"Why hello there, young man," the woman spoke first.

"Nice to meet you," her husband added.

"So, do you guys live here, or are you just visiting?" Peter asked with a smile.

The woman answered, "We live here on the coast. What about you?"

"We're from Georgia. We're here on a trip with some other guys from all over the country. It's going to be awesome!"

"Georgia's way down there, isn't it. You two sure made a long trip to get here. May I ask what for?"

"You know that expedition thing? We were chosen for it, and we're here for training along with some of the other guys on this bus."

"Oh, well good luck with your training!" Just as she opened her mouth to say something else, the bus stopped, and she said, "Oh, well this is our stop. It was nice meeting you, young man. Have fun with your trip!" She smiled widely, and her dentures nearly fell from her mouth.

"It was nice meetin' y'all!" Peter shouted as the elderly couple got off the bus.

Elijah looked over at Peter. "Gosh! Peter, you're so loud! I was trying to sleep!"

"Oh, quit you're winin', Eli, and go back to sleep."

Elijah glared at Peter briefly before turning away from him and drifting back to sleep.

He'll be fine once he gets out into that snow! Peter thought to himself as he looked back out the window in awe of the thick snow outside.
Last edited by eab10 on Sun Jul 25, 2010 12:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
"A stranger in a strange land" ~ Exodus 2:22




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Here to review as requested! (Sorry it took so long. And no, I didn't forget.... >_>)

Anyways, you know the drill.

eab10 wrote:"Look!" Peter shook Elijah as he pointed out the window of the airplane. Really, there's nothing wrong with this sentence, but the way you went from (what day was it in the last chapter?) to now kind of confused me. Maybe change it to something like, "'Look!' said Peter three days later as he shook Elijah, pointing out the window of the airplane."

"Shut up. I'll see it when we land," Elijah moaned as he turned his head away from Peter.

"Look, Eli! It's so white!" Peter shook Elijah harder. "You have to see the snow! I've never seen so much!"

"I'll see it when we land," Elijah mumbled as he tried to fall back asleep.

"But Eli, we're landing now! You have to look!"

"I don't have to if I don't wanna." Elijah sat up and stretched.

"Look out the stinkin' window!" Peter grabbed Elijah's head and turned it towards the window.

"Okay. I looked. Happy now?"

"Very." Peter smiled widely as the plane landed in Barrow.

"So, do you know what we're goin' to be doin' after we land?"

"I think we're going to go check into the hotel. Then, we have to rest of the day to piddle This made me laugh. Not sure if it was supposed to, but it did. around town."

"Cool."

The plane touched the ground and the flight attendants started walking around and helping people with bags and seat belts.

"Pete, could you help me here?" Elijah struggled with his seat belt.

"You can't unbuckle yourself?"

"No! My hand is getting in the way! Just help me."

Peter laughed as he helped untangle Elijah's arm from the belt. "That's why you shouldn't get into fights."

"And that's why you get picked on all the time."

"At least people like me."

Elijah paused as he stood. Then, looking at Peter, said, "I don't have a reply for that." Peter laughed.

They grabbed their carry-on bags and got off the plane. Only one bag was to be brought to Alaska, and it was supposed to be carrying everything that they would be bringing up on Nanga Parbat.

Peter and Elijah met with the rest of the team going on the expedition in the airport. Peter grabbed Elijah's shoulder. "Look! You can see my breath!" Peter exclaimed as he exhaled deeply.

"What are you, five?"

"No," Peter said as he zipped up his bulky coat.

They walked up to the group of men. A tall man with curly blond hair stepped forth from the group. "You two must be the Georgians, right?" They nodded their heads. The jolly man smiled widely with his rosy cheeks and nose. "Well, it's nice to meet you! I'm Henry, the expedition leader. If you have any problems, come to me. For now, just stand here with us while we wait for one more guy. He missed his flight."

"Eli! This is so cool!" Peter said with his true excitement obviously restrained.

"Just shut up and calm down," Elijah retorted through the dense scarf wrapped around his head.

Peter turned around to face another from the the group. "Hi there! I'm Peter! Nice to meet you!" He held out his hand.

He, with his beefy hand, grabbed Peter's hand and shook it vigorously causing Peter to lose some feeling in it. "Very nice to meet you, Peter. Call me Bert," he replied in his deep voice.

"Cool! So, where you from?"

"New Orleans."

"Oh! Cool! I've always wanted to visit there!"

"Yes, and where are you from?"

"Georgia! Just south of Atlanta."

"Neat." As Bert was about to reply, Henry started motioning a boy over. The boy's shaggy, brown hair hung in his face under a red baseball cap.

"Okay," Henry began, "Our bus is waiting outside to take us to our hotel. When we get to the hotel, you are to go to your room and get settled. Then, you have the rest of the day to goof off. The town's small, so you won't get lost."

"Eli," Peter whispered, "did you hear that? We have the entire day to do whatever!"

"The snow is real deep. It's probably not safe to go outside," Elijah replied dully.

"Haven't you always wanted to jump into three feet of snow? I have! It's going to be epic, and you know!"

"Whatever. Go kill yourself in the snow. I'm going to lie down and rest in the nice, warm hotel room."

Henry continued, "Anyway, now that we're all here, I've got one more thing to say before we leave for the hotel. Treat this like a school field trip. You are going to have a partner, and you two will share a hotel room, and you are expected to stay with each other at all times. Remember the buddy system."

The boy who was late spoke up, "So," with his deep New York accent, "are we going to get to choose our partners, or are they assigned?"

"Since none of us really know each other, you have assigned room mates," Henry answered, "They are: Bertram and Nicholas, Christopher and Ralph, Peter and Elijah, Samson and Archibald, and Lucas and I."

Everyone began looking around to find their partner. Peter looked at Elijah happily. "So," Peter nudged Elijah, "looks like we're roomies!"

"Oh God."

"Don't use the Lord's name in vain, Eli."

"Whatever."

The New Yorker, Archibald, stood motionless until the last guy, Samson, walked over, introduced himself, and shook his hand.

"Hey," Elijah whispered to Peter, "that Yank over there sure ain't friendly, is he?"

"I don't know. We should go over there and introduce ourselves. He looks about our age. Maybe we can make a new friend. I mean, we're going to be spending the next two to three moths with the guy," Peter smiled as he grabbed Elijah's arm and dragged him over towards Samson and Archibald.

"Hi there!" Peter held out his hand, "I'm Peter, and this is Elijah. Nice to meet you!"

"Hi," Archibald replied rudely.

"Where are you from?"

"New York."

"Cool! We're from Geor--"

"I really don't care," he cut Peter off.

"Hey," Elijah stepped forward, "he's just trying to be friendly. You don't have to be so rude to him."

"I don't care, so shut up!"

Noticing the tension between Elijah and Archibald, Samson stepped between them. "I'm Sam. Pleasure to meet you both," Sam said with his deep accent.

Peter replied, "Dude! Your accent is awesome! Where are you from?"

"My family immigrated from Mexico to America when I was little. I'm a citizen now, though."

"Cool!"

"So, where did you say you two were from, again?"

"Georgia."

"That's south east from here, right?"

"Uh..." Peter turned towards Elijah obviously confused by the question.

Elijah added, "Yes, that's right. It's like on the southeast corner of the United States."

Henry interrupted, "Come on everyone. The bus is outside waiting for us! Grab your bags and head out!"

Elijah picked his backpack up off the floor and started walking towards the exit with Peter. He glared back over his shoulder at Archibald. Peter, noticing Elijah's anger, shouted as they walked outside, "Eli! Look at the snow!"

They looked up into the sky as little white flakes fell from the clouds above. Elijah let go of the door behind him, but Peter caught it quickly and held it for Samson and Archibald.

"Thank you!" Sam said as he walked outside. Archibald just walked through the door and to the bus. Peter caught up with Elijah as they stepped up into the bus.

"Peter, this place is so," Elijah paused to think.

"Awesome? Beautiful? Wondrous? Breath-taking?" Peter questioned as Elijah thought.

"Cold." Elijah continued as he zipped his jacket up more.

They sat down in the seat directly behind the driver because the heater was right there. Peter scooted in first and immediately placed his face against the window to enjoy the surroundings. Elijah just sat looking straight ahead, anxiously awaiting their arrival at the nice, warm hotel.

As the bus pulled away, Peter waved to random people shivering in the snow on the side of the road.

"Peter! Stop acting weird. Those people are gonna think there is somethin' wrong with you." Elijah pulled Peter from the window.

"Aw, Eli, you know, you used to do the same thing."

"Yeah, when I was seven!"

"Whatever. So, what're we gonna do when we get to the hotel room?"

"I thought you wanted to play in the snow.

"Oh I do, but I'll do that later. What do you wanna do?"

"Honestly, my mom woke me up at four, so I was going to sleep, but if you really want me to, I'll go outside with you."

"Oh," Peter paused to think, "You know what? You can go take a nap while I go and explore the hotel. I've never been to one before. Then, when I'm finished, I'll go and get you, and we can go look around town. What do you say?"

"Fine with me as long as you let my nap last at least an hour or two."

"Okay!" He turned around in the seat to face the elderly couple behind them. "Hi! I'm Peter!"

"Why hello there, young man," the woman spoke first.

"Nice to meet you," her husband added.

"So, do you guys live here, or are you just visiting?" Peter asked with a smile.

The woman answered, "We live here on the coast. What about you?"

"We're from Georgia. We're here on a trip with some other guys from all over the country. It's going to be awesome!"

"Georgia's way down there, isn't it. You two sure made a long trip to get here. May I ask what for?"

"You know that expedition thing? We were chosen for it, and we're here for training along with some of the other guys on this bus."

"Oh, well good luck with your training!" Just as she opened her mouth to say something else, the bus stopped, and she said, "Oh, well this is our stop. It was nice meeting you, young man. Have fun with your trip!" She smiled widely, and her dentures nearly fell from her mouth.

"It was nice meetin' y'all!" Peter shouted as the elderly couple got off the bus.

Elijah looked over at Peter. "Gosh! Peter, you're so loud! I was trying to sleep!"

"Oh, quit you're winin', Eli, and go back to sleep."

Elijah glared at Peter briefly before turning away from him and drifting back to sleep.

He'll be fine once he gets out into that snow! Peter thought to himself as he looked back out the window in awe of the thick snow outside.


OK, so you're good with grammar, as usual. But one thing that really needs to be changed is your talking heads. I've noticed it a little before, but nothing as severe as this. Here's an article that should help you with this: How To Get Rid Of Talking Heads.

I have to go somewhere right now, or I'd go more in depth.

loveness, ultraviolet
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."

~asofterworld.com



When you cut pieces out of the truth to avoid looking like a fool, you end up looking like a moron instead.
— Robin Hobb