Linger

I’ve known you a heart beat away.
Eggshell parchment running down your neck,
caramel ribbons tickling my face,
and the susurration of our breathing.
My elbow dips into the mattress,
as a sun-wave patches you like a quilt.
I follow our shoulders,
which carelessly swell and ebb.
They imitate the movement of a nipping ocean,
with a surge that tumbles me upwards,
but a lure that ushers me closer.
In that overwhelming, yet subdued infinity,
masked beneath my drumming blood,
is your torrid temperature.
I smile into your scent,
weaving your extremities within my own.
This memento I will to linger.

Hey Hibiscus!

First off, I really really like this. You have a wonderful, poetic vocabulary and I would have liked this to be a bit longer, but the short length works for this particular poem, in my opinion.

One thing that I want to point out is the opening lines. They don't really work for me.

I’ve known you a heart beat away.
Eggshell parchment running down your neck,
caramel ribbons tickling my face,
and the susurration of our breathing.

They are beautiful and all, but they just seem out of place.

If you want to keep them, maybe work on trying to make it fit with the poem.

Otherwise, they just seem like a bunch of pretty words.

I like your style, so I'll be looking forward to reading more of your poetry.

Keep writing!

wow! this was truly amazing. i believe you have true potential.

"i smile into your sent" this is one of my favorite lines i just love the idea!

Hi,

I thought your poem was great it was very intelligent and downright fun to read. It was short, simple, to the point and I especially loved the last line.

Keep up the great work