A Glimpse of Hope

There are somethings in life that you just can't change. Like the fact that your parents could care less about you and what you do. They weren't always like that but ever since Blaise was killed in the car accident three years ago when I was 15, it seems like they had forgotten they had another child. Then again, thinking about it, Blaise was everything they could ever want in a child. At only 13 years old, she was athletic, smart and strikingly beautiful. She was everything I wasn't. Her reddish brown hair accented her bright, emerald green eyes in a way that none of us had seen. My parents couldn't wait to see her grow up and become successful but then one ugly day changed all of our lives.
It had been a family dinner at a fancy restaurant that I never liked, let alone care what it was called. The whole night was about Blaise, of course. I didn't really pay attention to the conversation because I was focused on this cute boy across the way in the restaurant. I never talked to him but it was a whole lot better looking at him then hearing my parents talk about how wonderful Blaise is. After leaving the restaurant, we were on our way home. The roads were not very busy and it was a bit foggy out. We were at an intersection going through when another car ran a red light, hitting the passenger side completely. I was sitting on this side and I was a direct hit, but I didn't get killed. My mother, who was also on the passenger side was badly hurt but she lived. So did my father and I, but Blaise died. Nobody is really sure how that is possible because I should have been the one to die but I wasn't.
Its been three years since then and my parents still believe Blaise should be here and not me. I got tired of their crap, living under their roof listening to them say how badly they wanted Blaise back and to have her here no matter what. I missed Blaise just as much as they did but I guess they would rather have her than me. After a year of being treated like a complete stranger I left home. At 16, I didn't know exactly what I was going to do. It was summer time so I packed a backpack that had very little things in it and left. I slept in a park on the slides and playgrounds, ate very little with the money I had and I spent my days walking around wherever I could. After a week though, I went back home. My parents didn't even say anything to me about it. I don't even think they noticed I was gone.
Since then, its been two years and for those two years, I saved all my money and now I have my own studio apartment. Its cozy and I am glad to be away from my parents, if you even considered them parents. I certainly don't because they are more like strangers. I look in the mirror of my little apartments bathroom and see this girl with a story. Ice blue eyes look back at me and I see hurt, loneliness and a soul beaten badly. Black hair shapes her heart-like face and drops to her breasts in layered natural curls. One more look in her eyes though and she sees something beyond the hurt, and all that has happened to her through her life. What she sees is a glimpse of hope.

WONDERFUL!
SIMPLY WONDERFUL!

I feel for your MC. It must be really hard to be in her shoes.
Her parents sure aren't acting like parents.
It was written well.

After a year of being treated like a complete stranger#BF0000 ">, I left home.

Hehe, just the comma.
But overall, it was good.

Kudos to this great work.

-KAT <3

Hi.

Wow. I really liked this. The way you explain your MC's hurt to the reader. The way she doesn't seem to hate Blaise after everything. The way she seems to have overcome what happened to her yet she doesn't forget. This might be one of my favorite stories despite my hate of depressing stories. It seems real. But the thing is I don't feel like I see how the name has anything to do with this story. 'A Glimpse of Hope.' doesn't seem to be what this story is about.

Keep Writing.

Anger

This seems to be really charged with emotion, which is a good thing! The one thing I noticed was that you tend to have some overly-long sentences. They aren't run-ons so much as just overly-wordy. Just take a look at your story as a whole and maybe see where you could reword things or cut down unnecessary words, and this would flow so much smoother.

Well, hopefully I'll offer a more critical view of your work.

Like the fact that your parents could care less about you and what you do. They weren't always like that but ever since Blaise was killed...it seems like they had forgotten they had another child.

These sentences say that they cared about the narrator before the accident, but then the rest of the story shows us otherwise. Like:

The whole night was about Blaise, of course.

hitting the passenger side completely

That completely is quite odd. Directly, maybe?

I was a direct hit,

Also strange wording. "I was a direct hit" doesn't even make sense.

I didn't get killed

Also strange wording. "get killed" is really bizarre. "die" would suffice.

So did my father and I,

The narrator already told us she was okay. No need to say it again.

Its been three years since then and my parents still believe Blaise should be here and not me

It's strange to have this when it's immediately followed by:

After a year of being treated like a complete stranger

Y'know? We jumped three years forward in time, only to go back to the present and jump one year. Also, you don't know the exact thoughts of the parents, and I doubt that is actually what they believe, but rather what they seem to believe. You'd be better off just saying, "My parents treated me like Blaise should be here and not me" or something like that.

I packed a backpack that had very little things in it and left.

Cut out the "very little things" part of it. Unnecessary.

And then you say

Since then, its been two years

even though you already said

Its been three years since then

So make up your mind where we are in the present.

I certainly don't because they are more like strangers.

Unnecessary. We learned this already. It just sounds immature to say it again.

all that has happened to her through her life

In all honesty, it was a one-time event coupled with some negligence, not constant physical abuse. It can hardly be called "all that happened throughout life."

But I did like the overall idea of the story. I think you could benefit greatly if you revamped the whole thing to turn it into a story and not a journal entry or summary. Make it a story where we follow the narrator through her actions, sit with her at dinner and listen numbly to conversation, spend time distracted by the boy, get in the car, ride along bitterly, get hit by the car, go to the hospital, listen to the words 'Blaise is dead', and live through the narrator's frustrations afterward. I would much prefer if you wrote this out into a story.

Because right now, it's just a journal entry or a news article or a book report. It kind of tries to get across the emotion but really all we get is information. You're simply telling us what is happening and not showing us; we're automatically distant from it. We're 3 years in the future, listening to someone tell us. We're not in the story living it. I think you could make a good story out of it.

Questions, comments, rebuttals? Let me know.

Sarg