This one time.

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This one time,
I will give in
to him.

The past that binds me,
The lust that blinds me,

I will give in,
To the passion that haunts me,
To the wishes that fill me.

This one time,
Tonight, I will let go,
Of everything else,

And be his once more
Trapped in his embrace.

Until this one time,
meets me again.



hope you enjoy,
please comment!
Last edited by ARBY367 on Tue Jul 27, 2010 11:47 pm, edited 3 times in total.




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mmmmmmmmm.......this was short yet really sweet and I liked it. Usually people makes their poems long when talking about romance and love but you kept it short and in control. Not bad




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Thanks(:
<3 Ashley or ARBY367.




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I thought this was good and different. I'm glad you used the colour to, it looks cool in my opinion haha. The flow if it kinda was weird at one point, but other than that I thought this was written well =) keep up the good work, and I hope I get to read more
Fear me once, shame on you.
Fear me twice, *wakes up* haha you don't fear me =)




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Hi there, ARBY367! ^__^


ARBY367 wrote:This one time,
I will give in, There is no need for a comma here. Remove it.
to him.

The past that binds me,
The lust that blinds me,

I will give in,
To the passion that haunts me,
To the wishes that fill me.

This one time,
Tonight, I will let go,
Of everything else,

And be his once more,
Trapped in his embrace.

Until this one time, No comma here. Remove it.
meets me again.



Well, I don't really like your punctuation, I will say that. You use mostly commas and therefore barely end your sentences. This bothers me. Still, nice job.

-Mizz-
"Chase your dreams, and remember me, speak bravery,
Because after all, those wings will take you up so high."
-- Owl City, "To the Sky"
✯ ✯ ✯




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Hiya! I'm gonna have to aggre with Mizzle on this one. The punctuation was kind of off. However, this poem is just so cute! "The past that binds me/The lust that blinds me," is brilliant. I could also see this poem as a song. Also, I'm not crazy about the font centering, but then again, that's just me. Nice work! ;)



I'm so confused I've Turned To erratic Capitalisation?
— JustMeBeingMe