Whispered Strength Chapter 2

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CHAPTER 2

when the horses where in the stable father and I walked across the training ground to the sound of a man shouting out the stroke patterns as the young boys rhythmically beat posts with wooden training swords, the whole of the training ground was a large square with a building at each corner, on the north was the stable for the battle and training horses, east the lodge for young men who where training but didn't have a place to stay, south was the barracks and on the west was the armory. a small stone wall just below one's chest connected all the buildings and served as a barrier for curious children. the armory its self was a medium sized building that had two levels bottom was for storage and easy access to all equipment and the top level with a window that looked over the market was for repair and, if needed, more storage. once my eyes adjusted to the dark, cool inside of the armory I could take in the whole room, racks upon racks of crossbows, spears, and swords lined most of the walls and two long racks on the floor with rows of shields and targets. The next wall had the spare armor and chain mail tunics. Over all the room was well kept and tidy

at the end of the room was a staircase that lined the wall and led to the top floor, on which was the repair tools and sharpening stone, up there it was constantly messy saw dust from training swords and arrows was always strewn on the stone floor and a few stray weapons in need of repair lined the walls and floor this was where father spent most of his time when something needed mending it was dropped on the floor and father was in charge of making sure it was fixed and back on one of the racks on the lower level for future use.

“you go on up I'll be there in a moment”

“alright” I said ever since I was very young I had been coming here with my father so I knew the place like a second home, As i walked up the stairs I could hear the grinding sound of the sharpening stone spinning on metal, the figure sitting there had his back to me he had on simple yet sturdy clothes and short well kept dark hair, I was almost to the top of the stairs when light from one of the windows touched the metal of the sword in his hands and reflected into my eyes.

“ouch!” I said and covered my face with my hand, startled he stood up quickly and whipped around to see who was behind him.

“who are you?” his very large stature was clearly built to handle a long sword, and he had features that would make any girls heart flutter, including mine.

I couldn't talk.

“well? Who are you?” I didn't answer “your obviously not suppose to be up here what are you doing!?” I could tell he was starting to get angry and I was about to muster my name but father came trotting up the stairs to say it for me.

“it's alright, she's with me, this is my daughter Adeera, Adeera this is Paradagun” I managed a small wave, and felt like an idiot after.

“I'm sorry sir I didn't know she was yours” he stated then turned to me and said “forgive me for my actions I was wrong to assume you didn't belong here, which from what Sir Ormond tells me is quite the opposite I hear you do good work here.”

“yes” I answered and once again mentally slapped my self.

He nodded to me with a smile that made me inwardly sigh, then he turned to father and said

“the lodge needs some repairs, apparently some boys where wrestling and one of them, not knowing his strength, threw the other at a door and broke it and they need that replaced right away”

“alright then I will see with I can do Adeera if you could show Paradagun around I would appreciate it”

and with that he went down the stairs and Paradagun went back to his sword.

“well I guess you mostly know what your doing but just in case you don't...” he cut me off

“look!” he turned around on the bench “i don't need, much less, your help, I know what I'm doing and I certainly don't need some girl to come in here and tell me what to do” I couldn't believe it in a few seconds he had gone from a chivalrous young man to a total prat!

“excuse me?” I asked

“you heard me” he said with a glare and then turned his back to me, any fondness I had for him was gone.

“what did I do?” I asked out of breath, he turned his head towards me and raised his eye brows
“you think your so much better than me” he snorted through his nose

“i never said that!” I half yelled

“well get this straight” he said ignoring my retort “your not. Few are” he said this slowly and with a look of distaste.

“few are what?” I asked disgusted “better than you? From the way your acting I would say few aren't!”

he gave a small laugh and turned back to his work shaking his head

“what?” I asked

“nothing you just go ahead and run back to papa and tell him the big boys where beating up on you” he stuck out his bottom lip and made big mocking eyes, I was ready to kill him. I opened my mouth then closed it again in anger, I couldn't think of anything to say that was good enough so I breathed loudly at him and walked heavily down the stairs then I walked through the training ground with my arms folded and my eyes stuck to the ground, once I reached the lodge I walked inside and sat on a log across the room from where father was measuring for a new door. I crossed my legs and muttered under my breath

“i hate men”

“oh I'm sorry did you want this seat?” came a young voice behind me I turned to see a skinny blond boy with blue eyes and messy hair, he was looking at me intently

“not you” I snapped at him

“ooh...” he sat there for a moment more then slowly stood up waiting for me to yell at him, when I didn't he quietly jogged away, I watched him leave as he approached another boy a bit older and a couple inches taller and much denser who was laying in a bed, I assumed he was the one that broke the door,

“I'm really sorry” said the blond boy “ I don't even know how I did it, it just sorta happened” I could tell he was going to continue but the older boy began to growl and was about to get up and finish the fight but the healer gently pushed him back down so as to tend to the wound on the side of his face, as the other boy cautiously backed away.

Having cooled off a bit I called the boy over, he turned his expressive face to me and looking a bit scared he looked at sealing and pursed his lips then still looking up said

“why is somebody always mad at me?”

“I'm not mad at you I just want to ask you something” I said, his face brightened and he trotted over to me

“oh well then, ask away my dear, ask away”

I breathed out a small laugh

“um...where you the one that threw him at the door?”i said gesturing towards the boy in the cot

“did I really throw him? Gosh I thought I just pushed him” he looked stunned then he looked at me as if he just noticed I was there.

“i'm sorry did you ask me something?”

“uh...yes” I said a bit confused “i asked if that was you”

“oh yes that was me, and who are you?” I was about to answer when he cut me off “no! Never mind I don't want to know”

“why not” I asked taken aback

“not sure, I just don't want to know, hey! look they're bringing in the new door” he jumped up from his seat and ran to the three men carrying the large board up the stone steps.

“get outa' the way lad!” shouted one of the men

“oh right! Sorry, ooh” he said as something caught his eye he ran out of sight into the next room.

Amazing I thought he's like a squirrel, constantly moving.

I stared in his direction for a moment longer then my father noticing me called for some help.

When the door was in and the room back in order from the earlier scuffle father and I made our way back to the armory.

“so what do you think of Paradagun?” he asked

“oh” I said “he's ...fine” I wanted to say a lot more than “fine” but I also wanted to handle this on my own.

“just fine?” he questioned “i saw you eying him pretty well”

“oh well it's just that he's...Huge!” I lied

“well he is that he is also very good at just about anything he does”

“is he now?” I asked

“oh yes, but the thing I admire the most is how kind he is” father grinned as he stepped into the armory

sure he is

for the rest of the day I mostly avoided Paradagun even though when father was around he was back to being the attractive young man I first met.

The sun had set an hour ago by the time we where leaving I started walking to the stable before father to get the horses tacked and ready, as I left I saw Paradagun practicing his swordsmanship I watched for a moment as he hacked into the practicing post, father was right Paradagun was very good, his sword moved blindingly fast and accurate, he glanced at me without missing a beat And continued, by this time I guessed he was showing off more than practicing but I still watched, father stopped next to me and we both continued towards the stable. To brake the silence I said “he's very good”

“yes he is”

“how long has he been training?” I asked

“I'm not sure” he replied “but I imagine he has worked hard and devoted all his time to it”

“I'm sure” I said

once the horses where tacked and ready me mounted as we left father looked at me and said

“you should see if you can convince him to teach you some of his tactics”

“no” I said it a bit louder than I meant to and father noticed

“why not?”

“he just seams really busy” I stated simply, he looked at me puzzled “and besides I would rather learn from you.”

“but he knows so much more than I do and I bet he would love to teach someone”

“no, Papa, I'm fine really.” he still looked confused

“alright then I wish you would but you don't have to” he looked disappointed as he rode ahead I looked after him, sighed, then followed suit

* * *

for the next few days I had mostly avoided Paradagun and as long as i didn't say anything and kept my distance we got along just fine, but i knew i couldn't avoid him forever papa was still begging me to take lessons from him and i couldn't help but wonder what he could teach me. i rolled out of bed still groggy from sleep, i hadn't slept very well and i was feeling it as i dresses for the coming day, i thought for a moment about the whole ordeal and decided to swallow my pride maybe he was just having a bad day i thought as i left the house to saddle Florin.

* * *

"what?"

i rolled my eyes and repeated myself "I'm not sure what i did the other day to upset you but I'm sorry and can we have a trues?" Paradagun looked amused, father was inside the armory Paradagun was just walking across the practice field from the lodge as we were arriving and i approached him with the apology

"your sorry"

"yes i am"

"but you don't know what your sorry for?"

"no i suppose not . . ."

"then how do you know your sorry?" he said this and pushed past me. i was getting tired of this, i ran to catch up with him then grabbing his shoulder, which i had to reach up for, I pulled him around to face me. he turned easy but his eyes burned with fury as he shoved my hand off his arm.

"don't do that again" he said in a low voice that sent small prickles up my arm

" what is your issue!?" i asked him ignoring his words as best i could

"i'm done talking to you " he said

"well i'm not" i said as he once more began walking away
he turned around spread his hands out and continuing to walk backwards said

"and who said your opinion mattered to anyone?" he turned back around and went inside the armory ducking to prevent his head form hitting the door which he was too tall for.

i glared his direction and then turned around only to run into a pile of training swords and the blond boy i had met the week previous.

"oop's!" i heard him blurt out as we collided "sorry!"

he said and then went on his way to the armory to have the wooden swords repaired, i glanced his way and kept on walking then stopped as i felt the finger tap my shoulder excitedly, i turned my head and saw the boys blue eyes and white teeth smiling at me

"hello" i said sounding bored, his whole face dropped in a disappointing frown

"what kind of greeting do you plan to call that?" he asked incredulously

"uhh . . ." i was about to reply when he burst out

"we are trying this again! only this time try to act happy" he said as he turned me around so that my back was to him

"i don't have time for this" i told him

"Everyone has time for a good attitude" he told me, sounding remarkably like a mother scolding her child. i sighed realizing i really didn't have anything to do i played along.

tap-tap-tap i slowly turned around to face him he had that stupid smile plastered on his face again and i grumbled "morning" not sounding any happier than before. he bent over and made vomiting sounds holding him stomach " Eew!" i said chuckling in spite of myself. he straightened up and frowned at me shaking his head disapprovingly

"no, try again" he said and proceeded to turn me around again i started to laugh.

tap-tap-tap

"HELLO!" i said with a phony smile shaking my spread out hands in the air, he looked almost hurt, almost, then said

"your mocking me!"

"i was . . ." i tried to defend my self but he was already turning me again saying

"try again!" by this time i was laughing blatantly

tap-tap-tap

a new wave of laughter came over me, this kid was nuts, not really sure what i was doing i turned and gave him a hug and shrieked

"good morning! how are you" he hugged me back and said equally loud

"perfect, hey! i'm great how are you?" at that Paradagun came back to mind and i hugged the boy tighter, he noticed i had stopped jumping up and down with him and he said "how are you?" he asked stressing the 'are' i pulled away.

"can i ask you a question?"

"well assuming that was not the question you wanted to ask, sure!" he said

"how do you handle bullies?" i asked, he screwed up his face as if thinking really hard, making me grin

"well" he said "my mom always told me to 'kill them with kindness' but i never understood that because i don't see how you could kill anyone with kindness well unless you did it fast and painless . . . " he continued to ramble on but i didn't hear him i was lost in my own thoughts " . . .why? do you have bully problems?" i blinked catching the tail end of his words

"oh, well sort of " i said "do you know Paradagun?"
he grinned as i said the name and nodding replied

"yeah i know him" he leaned in and whispered " he's a bit big in the head huh?" i laughed

"yes, yes he is" he held a finder to his lips in a sign for silence, winked and darted off to the barracks "wait!" i called he turned to look at me "what's your name?" i asked, his constant smile was mischievous

"don't you wish you knew" he said and kept running, i opened my mouth to say something but closed it again.

i jogged back to the armory ready to execute my new plan.

upon entering the dark building i saw father stacking the weaponry that he had just finished mending and half skipping i went and helped him.

"good to see you happy again" father said as he slid a sword back into it's sheath

"what do you mean?" i asked him he looked at me and said

"well you just seam to have a lot on your mind lately, are you alright?"
i smiled

"everything is wonderful" and i meant it i was pretty sure that the blond boy had given me the answer to my problem now all i needed to do was see if i was right.
Last edited by Adeera on Sat Jul 17, 2010 5:36 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Adeera
I really like Chapter 2. I could mentally pictured the whole chapter 2 happening in mind. Keep up the good work! Would you please check out my prologue The Girl with The Cheetah Mark !
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Hey Adeera! I am here to review! I have no intention on hurting your feelings!(:

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Adeera wrote:CHAPTER 2

When the horses where in the stable, father and I walked across the training ground to the sound of a man shouting out the stroke patterns as the young boys rhythmically beat posts with wooden training swords. The whole of the training ground was a large square with a building at each corner. On the north was the stable for the battle and training horses, east the lodge for young men who where training but didn't have a place to stay, south was the barracks and on the west was the armory. A small stone wall just below one's chest connected all the buildings and served as a barrier for curious children. The armory its self was a medium sized building that had two levels; the bottom was for storage and easy access to all equipment and the top level had a window that looked over the market was for repair and, if needed, more storage. Once my eyes adjusted to the dark, cool inside of the armory, I could take in the whole room; racks upon racks of crossbows, spears, and swords lined most of the walls and two long racks on the floor with rows of shields and targets. The next wall had the spare armor and chain mail tunics. Over all the room was well kept and tidy

At the end of the room was a staircase that lined the wall and led to the top floor, on which was the repair tools and sharpening stone. Up there it was constantly messy saw dust from training swords and arrows was always strewn on the stone floor. Afew stray weapons in need of repair lined the walls and floor. This was where father spent most of his time when something needed mending; it was dropped on the floor and father was in charge of making sure it was fixed and back on one of the racks on the lower level for future use.

You go on up; I'll be there in a moment.

Alright,” I said. Ever since I was very young I had been coming here with my father so I knew the place like a second home. As I walked up the stairs, I could hear the grinding sound of the sharpening stone spinning on metal, the figure sitting there had his back to me he had on simple yet sturdy clothes and short well kept dark hair. I was almost to the top of the stairs when light from one of the windows touched the metal of the sword in his hands and reflected into my eyes.

Ouch!” I said and covered my face with my hand. Startled, he stood up quickly and whipped around to see who was behind him.

Who are you?” his very large stature was clearly built to handle a long sword, and he had features that would make any girls heart flutter, including mine.

I couldn't talk.

Well? Who are you?” I didn't answer “Your obviously not suppose to be up here, what are you doing!?” I could tell he was starting to get angry and I was about to muster my name but father came trotting up the stairs to say it for me.

It's alright, she's with me. This is my daughter Adeera; Adeera this is Paradagun.” I managed a small wave, and felt like an idiot after.

“I'm sorry sir, I didn't know she was yours,” he stated then turned to me and said “Forgive me for my actions. I was wrong to assume you didn't belong here, which from what Sir Ormond tells me is quite the opposite. I hear you do good work here.”

Yes,” I answered and once again mentally slapped my self.

He nodded to me with a smile that made me inwardly sigh, then he turned to father and said,"The lodge needs some repairs. Apparently some boys where wrestling and one of them, not knowing his strength, threw the other at a door and broke it and they need that replaced right away.

Alright then. I will see with I can do. Adeera, if you could show Paradagun around I would appreciate it.And with that he went down the stairs and Paradagun went back to his sword.

Well, I guess you mostly know what your doing, but just in case you don't...” he cut me off.

Look!” he turned around on the bench “I don't need, much less, your help. I know what I'm doing and I certainly don't need some girl to come in here and tell me what to do.” I couldn't believe it in a few seconds he had gone from a chivalrous young man to a total prat!

Excuse me?” I asked.

You heard me,” he said with a glare and then turned his back to me, any fondness I had for him was gone.

What did I do?” I asked out of breath, he turned his head towards me and raised his eye brows

You think your so much better than me,” he snorted through his nose.

I never said that!” I half yelled.

Well get this straight,” he said ignoring my retort “Your not. Few are.” he said this slowly and with a look of distaste.

Few are what?” I asked disgusted “Better than you? From the way your acting I would say few aren't!”

He gave a small laugh and turned back to his work shaking his head.

What?” I asked.

Nothing. You just go ahead and run back to papa and tell him the big boys where beating up on you,” he stuck out his bottom lip and made big mocking eyes. I was ready to kill him.

I opened my mouth then closed it again in anger, I couldn't think of anything to say that was good enough so I breathed loudly at him and walked heavily down the stairs, then I walked through the training ground with my arms folded and my eyes stuck to the ground, once I reached the lodge I walked inside and sat on a log across the room from where father was measuring for a new door. I crossed my legs and muttered under my breathThis sentence is a run-on. A way to reword it could be, In anger, I open my mouth to protest against Paradagun's statement, but nothing came out. Instead, I huffed and walked heavily downstairs, making each step a loud bang. In the training grounds, I kept my arms folded and my eyes on the ground. Once I made it to the lodge, I sat in a dramatic heap then crossed my legs, spying my father measuring the doorway. I muttered under my breath, "I hate men." It's one way you can reword this. (:

I hate men.

Oh I'm sorry. Did you want this seat?” came a young voice behind me I turned to see a skinny blond boy with blue eyes and messy hair, he was looking at me intently.

Not you,” I snapped at him.

Ooh...” he sat there for a moment more then slowly stood up waiting for me to yell at him. When I didn't, he quietly jogged away. I watched him leave as he approached another boy a bit older and a couple inches taller and much denser who was laying in a bed. I assumed he was the one that broke the door.

“I'm really sorry,” said the blond boy. “I don't even know how I did it, it just sorta happened.

I could tell he was going to continue, but the older boy began to growl. He was about to get up and finish the fight but the healer gently pushed him back down so as to tend to the wound on the side of his face. The other boy cautiously backed away.

Having cooled off a bit, I called the boy over. He turned his expressive face to me and looking a bit scared he looked at sealing and pursed his lips then still looking up saidThis sentence doesn't make sense to me.

Why is somebody always mad at me?”

“I'm not mad at you, I just want to ask you something,” I said, his face brightened and he trotted over to me.

Oh well then, ask away my dear, ask away.

I breathed out a small laugh. "Um...where you the one that threw him at the door?” IU said gesturing towards the boy in the cot.

Did I really throw him? Gosh I thought I just pushed him,” he looked stunnedHe then just seemed to notice me.

I'm sorry did you ask me something?”

Uh...yes,” I said a bit confused. I asked if that was you.

Oh yes that was me, and who are you?” I was about to answer when he cut me off “No! Never mind I don't want to know.

Why not?” I asked, taken aback.

Not sure, I just don't want to know... Hey! Look! They're bringing in the new door.He jumped up from his seat and ran to the three men carrying the large board up the stone steps.

Get outa' the way lad!” shouted one of the men.

Oh right! Sorry, ooh,” he said as something caught his eye he ran out of sight into the next room.

Amazing, I thought. He's like a squirrel, constantly moving.

I stared in his direction for a moment longer, then my father noticing me and called for some help.

When the door was in and the room back in order from the earlier scuffle, father and I made our way back to the armory.

So what do you think of Paradagun?” he asked.

Oh,” I said “He's ...fine.” I wanted to say a lot more than “fine” but I also wanted to handle this on my own.

Just fine?” he questioned.I saw you eying him pretty well.

Oh well, it's just that he's...Huge!” I lied.

Well he is that. He is also very good at just about anything he does.

Is he now?” I asked.

Oh yes, but the thing I admire the most is how kind he is.Father grinned as he stepped into the armory.

Sure he is.

For the rest of the day I mostly avoided Paradagun even though when father was around, he was back to being the attractive young man I first met.

The sun had set an hour ago by the time we where leaving I started walking to the stable before father to get the horses tacked and ready, as I left I saw Paradagun practicing his swordsmanship I watched for a moment as he hacked into the practicing post, father was right Paradagun was very good, his sword moved blindingly fast and accurate, he glanced at me without missing a beat And continued, by this time I guessed he was showing off more than practicing but I still watched, father stopped next to me and we both continued towards the stable. To brake the silence I said “he's very good”Another run-on. Maybe reword it like, By the time we were starting to leave, the sun had already set. I made my way to the stables before father to get the horses tacked and ready. As I left, I saw Paradagun practiving his swordsmanship. I watched him for a moment as he hacked the wooden post. Father was right about Paradagun; he was very good. His sword moved blindingly fast and accurate. He glanced my way without missing a beat. Now, he was most likely showing off rather than practicing. Father stopped next to me and we both continued towards the stable. To break the silence, I said, "He's very good." It's one way to reword it.

Yes he is.

How long has he been training?” I asked.

“I'm not sure,” he replied. "But I imagine he has worked hard and devoted all his time to it.

“I'm sure,” I said.

Once the horses where tacked and ready, we mounted. As we left father looked at me and said, "You should see if you can convince him to teach you some of his tactics.

No,” I said it a bit louder than I meant to and father noticed.

Why not?”

He just seems really busy,” I stated simply.
He looked at me puzzled.

And besides I would rather learn from you.”

But he knows so much more than I do and I bet he would love to teach someone.

No, Papa, I'm fine really.”

He still looked confused.

Alright then. I wish you would but you don't have to.He looked disappointed as he rode ahead. I looked after him, sighed, then followed suit.

* * *

for the next few days I had mostly avoided Paradagun and as long as i didn't say anything and kept my distance we got along just fine, but i knew i couldn't avoid him forever papa was still begging me to take lessons from him and i couldn't help but wonder what he could teach me. i rolled out of bed still groggy from sleep, i hadn't slept very well and i was feeling it as i dresses for the coming day, i thought for a moment about the whole ordeal and decided to swallow my pride maybe he was just having a bad day i thought as i left the house to saddle Florin.Try rewording this like, For the next few days, I mostly avoided Paradagun. If I saw him and if he was within twenty-feet, I would circumnavigate around, making sure he didn't notice me. I knew if we had distance, everything would be fine. The downside to this plan was that I couldn't avoid or hide forever. Papa was still begging me to take lessons from Paragagun and I couldn't help but be curious at what he would teach me.

I rolled out of bed still groggy from sleep. I hadn't slept very well and it was making it hard for to dress the upcoming day. Today, I decided to swallow my pride and forget about the whole ordeal. Maybe I was just having a bad day. I left my house to go saddle Florin.


* * *

"What?"

I rolled my eyes and repeated myself, "I'm not sure what I did the other day to upset you but I'm sorry and can we have a truce?"

Paradagun looked amused. Father was inside the armory and Paradagun was just walking across the practice field from the lodge as we were arriving. I managed to approach him with some sort of an apology.

"Your sorry?"

"Yes I am."

"But you don't know what your sorry for?"

"No, I suppose not . . ."

"Then how do you know your sorry?" he said this and pushed past me. I was getting tired of this. I ran to catch up with him and grabed his shoulder, which I had to reach up for, I pulled him around to face me. He turned easy but his eyes burned with fury as he shoved my hand off his arm.

"Don't do that again," he said in a low voice that sent small prickles up my arm.

"What is your issue!?" I asked him ignoring his words as best I could.

"I'm done talking to you," he said.

"Well I'm not," I said as he once more began walking away.

He turned around, spread his hands out and continued to walk backwards and said, "And who said your opinion mattered to anyone?" He turned back around and went inside the armory, ducking to prevent his head form hitting the door which he was too tall for.

I glared in his direction and then turned around only to run into a pile of training swords and the blond boy I had met the week previous.

"Oops!" I heard him blurt out as we collided. "Sorry!" he said and then went on his way to the armory to have the wooden swords repaired.

I glanced his way and kept on walking then stopped as I felt the finger tap my shoulder excitedly. I turned my head and saw the boy's blue eyes and white teeth smiling at me.

"Hello," I said sounding bored. His whole face dropped in a disappointing frown.

"What kind of greeting do you plan to call that?" he asked incredulously.

"Uhh . . ."

I was about to reply when he burst out, "We are trying this again! Only this time try to act happy," he said as he turned me around so that my back was to him.

"I don't have time for this," I told him.

"Everyone has time for a good attitude," he told me, sounding remarkably like a mother scolding her child. I sighed realizing I really didn't have anything to do, so I played along.

Tap-tap-tap. I slowly turned around to face him he had that stupid smile plastered on his face again and I grumbled, "Morning" not sounding any happier than before.

He bent over and made vomiting sounds holding him stomach "Eew!" I said chuckling in spite of myself. He straightened up and frowned at me shaking his head disapprovingly.

"No, try again," he said and proceeded to turn me around again I started to laugh.

Tap-tap-tap.

"HELLO!" iIsaid with a phony smile shaking my spread out hands in the air.

He looked almost hurt, almost, then said, "Your mocking me!"

"I was . . ." I tried to defend my self but he was already turning me again saying, "Try again!" By this time, I was laughing blatantly.

Tap-tap-tap.

A new wave of laughter came over me. This kid was nuts! Not really sure what I was doing, I turned and gave him a hug and shrieked, "Good morning! How are you?"

He hugged me back and said equally loud, "Perfect, hey! I'm great how are you?"

At that, Paradagun came back to mind and I hugged the boy tighter. He noticed I had stopped jumping up and down with him and he said, "H ow are you?" he asked stressing the 'are'. I pulled away.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Well, assuming that was not the question you wanted to ask, sure!" he said.

"How do you handle bullies?" I asked. He screwed up his face as if thinking really hard making me grin.

"Well," he said, "My mom always told me to 'kill them with kindness' but i never understood that because I don't see how you could kill anyone with kindness well unless you did it fast and painless . . . " he continued to ramble on but i didn't hear him. I was lost in my own thoughts " . . .why? do you have bully problems?" I blinked catching the tail end of his words.

"Oh, well sort of," I said, "Do you know Paradagun?"

He grinned as I said the name and nodding replied, "Yeah, O know him." He leaned in and whispered,"He's a bit big in the head huh?" I laughed.

"Yes, yes he is." He held a finder to his lips in a sign for silence, winked and darted off to the barracks.

"Wait!" I called. He turned to look at me.

"W
hat's your name?" I asked, his constant smile was mischievous.

"Don't you wish you knew?" he said and kept running. I opened my mouth to say something but closed it again.

I jogged back to the armory ready to execute my new plan.

Upon entering the dark building, I saw father stacking the weaponry that he had just finished mending. Half skipping, I went and helped him.

"Good to see you happy again," father said as he slid a sword back into it's sheath.

"What do you mean?" I asked him he looked at me and said.

"Well, you just seem to have a lot on your mind lately. Are you alright?"

I smiled, "Everything is wonderful." I meant it too. I was pretty sure that the blond boy had given me the answer to my problem now all I needed to do was see if I was right.



Okay, overall, the main things that I kept noticing were the run-on sentences, capatilization, and punctuation. This chapter was a good chapter though. It was good, just the minor errors throughout the piece. Also, I began to notice that you kept using "he said" or "I said" or "I asked" and so on. When you end dialogue with "said" over and over, it feels repetetive and boring. Try to use other adjectives like "I question" or "I state" or "I fumble out". Those aren't the best examples, but it makes my point. (:

For the run-on sentences, while you write, say the sentence to yourself. If it feels like it is dragging on and you have to take multiple breaths, then you need to fix it into a couple of sentences instead of one large one. I sometimes do this and it helps. (:

I hope I helped! (: Good job! Keep writing!
Katie ^-^




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Hello again Adeera!!!! As you know,
My comments in Pink
My likes in Purple
My dislikes in Green
My corrections in Red

Adeera wrote:CHAPTER 2


When the horses where in the stable, father and I walked across the training ground to the sound of a man shouting out the stroke patterns, as the young boys rhythmically beat posts with wooden training swords. The whole of the training ground was a large square with a building at each corner. On the north, was the stable for the battle and training horses; East, the lodge for young men who where training but didn't have a place to stay; South was the barracks and on the West was the armory. A small stone wall– just below one's chest connected all the buildings and served as a barrier for curious children. The armory itself was a medium sized building that had two levels. The bottom was for storage and easy access to all equipment, and the top level with a window that looked over the market was for repair and, if needed, more storage. Once my eyes adjusted to the dark, cool inside of the armory, I could take in the whole room, racks upon racks of crossbows, spears, and swords lined most of the walls and two long racks on the floor with rows of shields and targets. The next wall had the spare armor and chain mail tunics. Over all, the room was well kept and tidy.
Great descriptive paragraph!!! I could really feel I was there... but in the way of grammar and the like... well, you've got some work to do. But keep trying!

At the end of the room, was a staircase that lined the wall and led to the top floor, on which was the repair tools and sharpening stone, up there it was constantly messy saw dust from training swords and arrows was always strewn on the stone floor and a few stray weapons in need of repair lined the walls and floor this was where father spent most of his time when something needed mending it was dropped on the floor and father was in charge of making sure it was fixed and back on one of the racks on the lower level for future use.

You go on up I'll be there in a moment”

alright” I said ever since I was very young I had been coming here with my father so I knew the place like a second home, As i walked up the stairs I could hear the grinding sound of the sharpening stone spinning on metal, the figure sitting there had his back to me he had on simple yet sturdy clothes and short well kept dark hair, I was almost to the top of the stairs when light from one of the windows touched the metal of the sword in his hands and reflected into my eyes.

Ouch!” I said more emotion!! and covered my face with my hand, startled he stood up quickly and whipped around to see who was behind him.

“who are you?” his very large stature was clearly built to handle a long sword, and he had features that would make any girls heart flutter, including mine.

I couldn't talk.

“well? Who are you?” I didn't answer “your obviously not suppose to be up here what are you doing!?” I could tell he was starting to get angry and I was about to muster my name but father came trotting up the stairs to say it for me.

“it's alright, she's with me, this is my daughter Adeera, Adeera this is Paradagun” I managed a small wave, and felt like an idiot after.

“I'm sorry sir I didn't know she was yours” he stated then turned to me and said “forgive me for my actions I was wrong to assume you didn't belong here, which from what Sir Ormond tells me is quite the opposite I hear you do good work here.”

“yes” I answered and once again mentally slapped my self.

He nodded to me with a smile that made me inwardly sigh, then he turned to father and said

“the lodge needs some repairs, apparently some boys where wrestling and one of them, not knowing his strength, threw the other at a door and broke it and they need that replaced right away”

“alright then I will see with I can do Adeera if you could show Paradagun around I would appreciate it”

and with that he went down the stairs and Paradagun went back to his sword.

“well I guess you mostly know what your doing but just in case you don't...” he cut me off

“look!” he turned around on the bench “i don't need, much less, your help, I know what I'm doing and I certainly don't need some girl to come in here and tell me what to do” I couldn't believe it in a few seconds he had gone from a chivalrous young man to a total prat!

“excuse me?” I asked

“you heard me” he said with a glare and then turned his back to me, any fondness I had for him was gone.

“what did I do?” I asked out of breath, he turned his head towards me and raised his eye brows
“you think your so much better than me” he snorted through his nose

“i never said that!” I half yelled

“well get this straight” he said ignoring my retort “your not. Few are” he said this slowly and with a look of distaste.

“few are what?” I asked disgusted “better than you? From the way your acting I would say few aren't!”

he gave a small laugh and turned back to his work shaking his head

“what?” I asked

“nothing you just go ahead and run back to papa and tell him the big boys where beating up on you” he stuck out his bottom lip and made big mocking eyes, I was ready to kill him. I opened my mouth then closed it again in anger, I couldn't think of anything to say that was good enough so I breathed loudly at him and walked heavily down the stairs then I walked through the training ground with my arms folded and my eyes stuck to the ground, once I reached the lodge I walked inside and sat on a log across the room from where father was measuring for a new door. I crossed my legs and muttered under my breath

“i hate men”

“oh I'm sorry did you want this seat?” came a young voice behind me I turned to see a skinny blond boy with blue eyes and messy hair, he was looking at me intently

“not you” I snapped at him

“ooh...” he sat there for a moment more then slowly stood up waiting for me to yell at him, when I didn't he quietly jogged away, I watched him leave as he approached another boy a bit older and a couple inches taller and much denser who was laying in a bed, I assumed he was the one that broke the door,

“I'm really sorry” said the blond boy “ I don't even know how I did it, it just sorta happened” I could tell he was going to continue but the older boy began to growl and was about to get up and finish the fight but the healer gently pushed him back down so as to tend to the wound on the side of his face, as the other boy cautiously backed away.

Having cooled off a bit I called the boy over, he turned his expressive face to me and looking a bit scared he looked at sealing and pursed his lips then still looking up said

“why is somebody always mad at me?”

“I'm not mad at you I just want to ask you something” I said, his face brightened and he trotted over to me

“oh well then, ask away my dear, ask away”

I breathed out a small laugh

“um...where you the one that threw him at the door?”i said gesturing towards the boy in the cot

“did I really throw him? Gosh I thought I just pushed him” he looked stunned then he looked at me as if he just noticed I was there.

“i'm sorry did you ask me something?”

“uh...yes” I said a bit confused “i asked if that was you”

“oh yes that was me, and who are you?” I was about to answer when he cut me off “no! Never mind I don't want to know”

“why not” I asked taken aback

“not sure, I just don't want to know, hey! look they're bringing in the new door” he jumped up from his seat and ran to the three men carrying the large board up the stone steps.

“get outa' the way lad!” shouted one of the men

“oh right! Sorry, ooh” he said as something caught his eye he ran out of sight into the next room.

Amazing I thought he's like a squirrel, constantly moving.

I stared in his direction for a moment longer then my father noticing me called for some help.

When the door was in and the room back in order from the earlier scuffle father and I made our way back to the armory.

“so what do you think of Paradagun?” he asked

“oh” I said “he's ...fine” I wanted to say a lot more than “fine” but I also wanted to handle this on my own.

“just fine?” he questioned “i saw you eying him pretty well”

“oh well it's just that he's...Huge!” I lied

“well he is that he is also very good at just about anything he does”

“is he now?” I asked

“oh yes, but the thing I admire the most is how kind he is” father grinned as he stepped into the armory

sure he is

for the rest of the day I mostly avoided Paradagun even though when father was around he was back to being the attractive young man I first met. UGH! dual personalities!! I hate him!! #(

The sun had set an hour ago by the time we where leaving I started walking to the stable before father to get the horses tacked and ready, as I left I saw Paradagun practicing his swordsmanship. I watched for a moment as he hacked into the practicing post, father was right: Paradagun was very good, his sword moved blindingly fast and accurate, he glanced at me without missing a beat And continued, by this time I guessed he was showing off more than practicing but I still watched, father stopped next to me and we both continued towards the stable. To brake the silence I said “he's very good”

“yes he is”

“how long has he been training?” I asked

“I'm not sure” he replied “but I imagine he has worked hard and devoted all his time to it”

“I'm sure” I said

once the horses where tacked and ready me mounted as we left father looked at me and said

“you should see if you can convince him to teach you some of his tactics”

“no” I said it a bit louder than I meant to and father noticed

“why not?”

“he just seams really busy” I stated simply, he looked at me puzzled “and besides I would rather learn from you.”

“but he knows so much more than I do and I bet he would love to teach someone”

“no, Papa, I'm fine really.” he still looked confused

“alright then I wish you would but you don't have to” he looked disappointed as he rode ahead I looked after him, sighed, then followed suit

* * *

for the next few days I had mostly avoided Paradagun and as long as i didn't say anything and kept my distance we got along just fine, but i knew i couldn't avoid him forever papa was still begging me to take lessons from him and i couldn't help but wonder what he could teach me. i rolled out of bed still groggy from sleep, i hadn't slept very well and i was feeling it as i dresses for the coming day, i thought for a moment about the whole ordeal and decided to swallow my pride maybe he was just having a bad day i thought as i left the house to saddle Florin.

* * *

"what?"

i rolled my eyes and repeated myself "I'm not sure what i did the other day to upset you but I'm sorry and can we have a trues?" Paradagun looked amused, father was inside the armory Paradagun was just walking across the practice field from the lodge as we were arriving and i approached him with the apology

"your sorry"

"yes i am"

"but you don't know what your sorry for?"

"no i suppose not . . ."

"then how do you know your sorry?" he said this and pushed past me. i was getting tired of this, i ran to catch up with him then grabbing his shoulder, which i had to reach up for, I pulled him around to face me. he turned easy but his eyes burned with fury as he shoved my hand off his arm.

"don't do that again" he said in a low voice that sent small prickles up my arm

" what is your issue!?" i asked him ignoring his words as best i could

"i'm done talking to you " he said

"well i'm not" i said as he once more began walking away
he turned around spread his hands out and continuing to walk backwards said

"and who said your opinion mattered to anyone?" he turned back around and went inside the armory ducking to prevent his head form hitting the door which he was too tall for.

i glared his direction and then turned around only to run into a pile of training swords and the blond boy i had met the week previous.

"oop's!" i heard him blurt out as we collided "sorry!"

he said and then went on his way to the armory to have the wooden swords repaired, i glanced his way and kept on walking then stopped as i felt the finger tap my shoulder excitedly, i turned my head and saw the boys blue eyes and white teeth smiling at me

"hello" i said sounding bored, his whole face dropped in a disappointing frown

"what kind of greeting do you plan to call that?" he asked incredulously

"uhh . . ." i was about to reply when he burst out

"we are trying this again! only this time try to act happy" he said as he turned me around so that my back was to him

"i don't have time for this" i told him

"Everyone has time for a good attitude" he told me, sounding remarkably like a mother scolding her child. i sighed realizing i really didn't have anything to do i played along.

tap-tap-tap i slowly turned around to face him he had that stupid smile plastered on his face again and i grumbled "morning" not sounding any happier than before. he bent over and made vomiting sounds holding him stomach " Eew!" i said chuckling in spite of myself. he straightened up and frowned at me shaking his head disapprovingly

"no, try again" he said and proceeded to turn me around again i started to laugh.

tap-tap-tap

"HELLO!" i said with a phony smile shaking my spread out hands in the air, he looked almost hurt, almost, then said

"your mocking me!"

"i was . . ." i tried to defend my self but he was already turning me again saying

"try again!" by this time i was laughing blatantly

tap-tap-tap

a new wave of laughter came over me, this kid was nuts, not really sure what i was doing i turned and gave him a hug and shrieked

"good morning! how are you" he hugged me back and said equally loud

"perfect, hey! i'm great how are you?" at that Paradagun came back to mind and i hugged the boy tighter, he noticed i had stopped jumping up and down with him and he said "how are you?" he asked stressing the 'are' i pulled away.

"can i ask you a question?"

"well assuming that was not the question you wanted to ask, sure!" he said

"how do you handle bullies?" i asked, he screwed up his face as if thinking really hard, making me grin

"well" he said "my mom always told me to 'kill them with kindness' but i never understood that because i don't see how you could kill anyone with kindness well unless you did it fast and painless . . . " he continued to ramble on but i didn't hear him i was lost in my own thoughts " . . .why? do you have bully problems?" i blinked catching the tail end of his words

"oh, well sort of " i said "do you know Paradagun?"
he grinned as i said the name and nodding replied

"yeah i know him" he leaned in and whispered " he's a bit big in the head huh?" i laughed

"yes, yes he is" he held a finder to his lips in a sign for silence, winked and darted off to the barracks "wait!" i called he turned to look at me "what's your name?" i asked, his constant smile was mischievous

"don't you wish you knew" he said and kept running, i opened my mouth to say something but closed it again.

i jogged back to the armory ready to execute my new plan.

upon entering the dark building i saw father stacking the weaponry that he had just finished mending and half skipping i went and helped him.

"good to see you happy again" father said as he slid a sword back into it's sheath

"what do you mean?" i asked him he looked at me and said

"well you just seam to have a lot on your mind lately, are you alright?"
i smiled

"everything is wonderful" and i meant it i was pretty sure that the blond boy had given me the answer to my problem now all i needed to do was see if i was right.
Great Ending!! ^_^

This was a very good and interesting sequel!! Your descriptions were very good but the grammar was NOT. I know its annoying to capitalize every word and add periods etc. but you have to!!!! :)
Still,it was great and I cant wait for the next one!!!
chow for now,
sionarama
"You may not be educated well in the areas of etiquette and the like as a princess, but you do throw some bashing good parties!"
Not all princesses are pink sparkles.
Exhibit A




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Ooh I loved this just as much as the first chapter! It's getting deeper and more intense! You had a LOT of punctuation and capitalization missing. NOT cool. It would be nice if you'd at least go over that before posting, if you wouldn't mind. It'd be much easier to read, and really it's pretty lazy not to correct that. Not trying to sound harsh, but yeah. :P
So a few questions:
What does Paradagon look like? You say he has "features that would make a girl's heart flutter" and while that implies he is very handsome it doesn't show me what he looks like! Try "his piercing green eyes glared at me coldly" as an example.

Why is he SO hostile towards her? Why is he such an absolute JERK? Really, I'm starting to hate him immensely. >_<
I'm guessing he's had a painful past or something and is under-confident and insecure, but still...you make him SO unlikeable! Heheh :)

Use more emotion. In this one, and the last chapter, while it's a good story, it seems to be lacking in emotion.

I really liked the blonde kid. He's cute and funny ;) A very likeable personality.

Anyway, this whole chapter has the feel of undercurrent problems and seems to have a lot of possibilities! Not sure how this ties in with Gareth and Ethrel (was that her name?) but whatever. I'm sure you'll get to that later!

PM me with more of this, please!
Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed, for the lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.




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CHAPTER 2

when the horses where in the stable father and I walked across the training ground to the sound of a man shouting out the stroke patterns as the young boys rhythmically beat posts with wooden training swords, the whole of the training ground was a large square with a building at each corner, on the north was the stable for the battle and training horses, east the lodge for young men who where training but didn't have a place to stay, south was the barracks and on the west was the armory. a small stone wall just below one's chest connected all the buildings and served as a barrier for curious children. the armory its self was a medium sized building that had two levels bottom was for storage and easy access to all equipment and the top level with a window that looked over the market was for repair and, if needed, more storage. once my eyes adjusted to the dark, cool inside of the armory I could take in the whole room, racks upon racks of crossbows, spears, and swords lined most of the walls and two long racks on the floor with rows of shields and targets. The next wall had the spare armor and chain mail tunics. Over all the room was well kept and tidy.

at the end of the room was a staircase that lined the wall and led to the top floor, on which was the repair tools and sharpening stone, up there it was constantly messy saw dust from training swords and arrows was always strewn on the stone floor and a few stray weapons in need of repair lined the walls and floor this was where father spent most of his time when something needed mending it was dropped on the floor and father was in charge of making sure it was fixed and back on one of the racks on the lower level for future use.

you go on up I'll be there in a moment.

“alright, I said. ever since I was very young I had been coming here with my father so I knew the place like a second home, As i walked up the stairs I could hear the grinding sound of the sharpening stone spinning on metal, the figure sitting there had his back to me he had on simple yet sturdy clothes and short well kept dark hair, I was almost to the top of the stairs when light from one of the windows touched the metal of the sword in his hands and reflected into my eyes.

ouch!” I said and covered my face with my hand, startled he stood up quickly and whipped around to see who was behind him.

who are you?” his very large stature was clearly built to handle a long sword, and he had features that would make any girls heart flutter, including mine.

I couldn't talk.Up there ^

well? Who are you?” I didn't answer,your obviously not suppose to be up here what are you doing!?” I could tell he was starting to get angry and I was about to muster my name but father came trotting up the stairs to say it for me.

it's alright, she's with me, this is my daughter Adeera, Adeera this is Paradagun,” I managed a small wave, and felt like an idiot after.

“I'm sorry sir I didn't know she was yours,he stated then turned to me and said, “forgive me for my actions I was wrong to assume you didn't belong here, which from what Sir Ormond tells me is quite the opposite I hear you do good work here.”

yes,” I answered and once again mentally slapped my self.

He nodded to me with a smile that made me inwardly sigh, then he turned to father and said,

Up there^the lodge needs some repairs, apparently some boys where wrestling and one of them, not knowing his strength, threw the other at a door and broke it and they need that replaced right away.
Here's some changes I couldn't get through them all. But definitely watch you grammar.



Every time our next guest is here, all of our lives are seriously in danger.
— David Letterman