A Piece of Cake (Glowing)

(I just came back from a five day intensive writing camp, and this is one of the works I developed while there. Everyone had to write something with EXACTLY 103 WORDS that had to have conflict and a story arc. This is what I came up with, and I hope you like it!)

Pretty pink packages and red ribbons surround me. I’m glowing.

My mom is next to me. She’s lighting up my birthday cake with a match. I’m turning four.

I watch as mom lights each candle. I count to four. When I’m done, the candles are fully lit.

I take a deep breath, then blow carbon dioxide and spit all over my princess cake. Wax drips on Sleeping Beauty’s head.

My friends and family burst into applause. This is the first year I’ve been able to blow out the candles by myself.

Before anyone cuts a piece, I stick my fingers into the frosting.

Hi there!

Whoa, sounds like a fun camp you went to. What's better than a writing camp, hmm?

Anyways, the prompt for this is pretty difficult. 103 words, conflict, etc--that's hard to do! You did a nice job pulling the prompt off, and I loved seeing a story from a four-year-old's eyes. So adorable, and innocent. Ah, the world through a child's eyes. Alas, there is one problem I had with the story.
I didn't see any conflict! Any problems, like you were supposed to have...
It was a birthday, nothing was conflicting. Am I missing something?

Still, nice job.

-Mizz-

I'm also slightly lost as to where the conflict is here. It doesn't have to be literal; perhaps elaborate on Sleeping Beauty's death by wax tears. You could make the piece slightly ethereal, or fantastical. Of course, you'd have to cut something to do that. If you have to, I would cut the second "line", as such. It's irrelevent, since we already guess all of that information from the rest of the piece.

I also think this would probably sit better in Other, as it's not really a short story, since it's lacking in plot or any real characterisation. That's not a flaw, but it does mean that this doesn't really qualify as a short story.

Were you allowed to title it? That could be a bit of a loophole. Title it with a theme you'd like to encompass the whole piece and that'll save you some work defining it. Eheh, can you tell that I've done this before?

- Jet.

Hey JaneThermopolis!
For only having 103 words, I love this! Personally, I don't think this requires a conflict, it could be just a memory from a little girl and memories don't have to have conflict in them.
I love the imagery in this, I can actually visualize what is going on here! I think for what its worth, you did a wonderful job for the difficult assignment you were given. (I know I couldn't write something in exactly 103 words!!)

-SodapopLunchbox

I think you did great for having such a specific and tough word limit. A great topic for it and you got everything down from the introduction to a sort-of denouement.

I liked this, of course, there could be fixes, but I can't do much as you needed to keep this to 103 words

Nice piece,

Lavvi

Hey there! Wow. Good job on writing a story with only 103 words. Must be hard. XD

I wonder where the conflict is, though.
The girl seeing wax drip on her precious cake? HAHA. Just kidding.

Anyway, Kudos to your other works!

-KAT <3

Hey Jane,

This was really interesting because I couldn't see how someone could write 103 words and manage to make an impression on the reader- that was till i read this. I like the child's viewpoint of life. And I'm guessing sleeping beauty's death by wax was the conflict even though it wasn't that easy to notice.