With you =)

Hi, I'm bluewaterlily, and I'll be reviewing your poem today.

Girl:
I would love to be a fish,
And swim through all the seas!
Or be a bird who flies around,
And nests high in the trees!
Or I'd be a big strong lion, There should be a comma between big and strong.
With a mighty roar!
Or I'd be your best-est friend,
Who's knocking on your door!

Boy:
If you were a little fish,
I'd swim right next to you!
And if you were a bird,
I'd be there when you flew!
And if you were a lion,
Then I'd tell you a truth! I think you mean the truth
That you're my best-est friend
Do you need anymore proof?

Overall:I liked this poem. It had a nice flow, and I also like how you told it from both of their perspectives, and how the boy replied to the girl. The way you described how they're attracted to each other with animals gave this poem a unique feeling, so good job. The only thing is you don't have to color code it. On the other hand, the colors were nice and went well together. Send me a P.M. if you have any questions or if you need another review. Good Luck with your writing~bluewaterlily.

FireandIce326 wrote:Girl:
I would love to be a fish,
And swim through all the seas!
Or be a bird who flies around,
And nests high in the trees!
Or I'd be a big strong lion, If this is a girl speaking, she wouldn't be a lion. She'd be a lioness.
With a mighty roar!
Or I'd be your best-est friend,
Who's knocking on your door!

Boy:
If you were a little fish,
I'd swim right next to you!
And if you were a bird,
I'd be there when you flew!
And if you were a lion,
Then I'd tell you a truth! Did you mean to say "the truth"?
That you're my best-est friend,
Do you need anymore proof?

I liked this! It had a nice rhythm, and I like that you put both the girl and boy's point of views in this! My only comments are the nitpicks above ^^, but other than that, nice work!
-Mizz-

Hello there FireandIce and welcome to YWS, I hope you like it here.

I thought that this was a very witty, creative poem to a honest. It showed a lighter side to life.

Who's knocking on your door!

I did not think phrasing this line like this sounds right, maybe you could say,

Who knocks at your door

Maybe or maybe not

Anyways, cute poem you've got here, a little cliche but I like it. Good job

Looking forward to seeing more work from you

Ha ha thanx, well actually I wrote this with someone, there was a girl who wrote the first part, then the second part was my reply. I try to fix the comma stuff. And I see what you mean by changing "a truth" into "the truth", but i kind of like that part the way I wrote it, thanks for your opinions, they can be quite helpful

from my point of view that was good ,not perfect,but good!....there are some mistakes that u could easily edit so try just a little bit harder!

oohh very nice i really liked it, it's very cute.

the creative coloring really piqued my interest.

i like how you had an actual girl write the first part and you the second very clever.

great job!!

Well, the others have already stated some of the comments I'd like to say, so I guess I'd just have to say : WONDERFUL and CUTE work! Keep it up. XD
It's sweet, btw.

-KAT <3

Hello there, this was really nice! I enjoyed the fact that it was a.... responsive poem? Haha, but the colors were a bit bright and it made it a tad hard to read. But other than that, I like this a lot! I hope to read more from you! You seem to be a good writer!
-From Panda

Wow! I loved this it's so...cute! I just love the way you put it with Girl and Boy the way you did. I enjoyed reading this very much. I know I don't have much to say, but f you need me to review anything else for you, don't be afraid to PM me with a link.

Thankies,

}}i{{FS}}i{{

This was absolutely adorable. It's actually in that class of poetry in which I tend to ignore grammar and punctuation just because of the blatant cuteness and warmness. But, since this is a writing site, I'll see what I can tear up within the piece! Just know that I loved it.

Girl:
I would love to be a fish,
and swim through all the seas!
Or be a bird who flies around,
and nests high in the trees!
Or I'd be a big, strong lion,
with a mighty roar!
Or I'd be your best-est friend,
who's knocking on your door!

The punctuation/capitalization in this stanza needs to change as-noted. While starting a sentence with 'or' isn't technically correct, it works in this. It's poetry, after all.

Boy:
If you were a little fish,
I'd swim right next to you!
And if you were a bird,
I'd be there when you flew!
And if you were a lion,
then I'd tell you a truth!
That you're my best-est friend;
do you need anymore proof?

So cute!

Finished.

This is a very cute poem you've got going here! I feel like this is something I would print out and post somewhere to keep with me at all times. It reminds me of myself and my boyfriend. The opposite points-of-view, from the girl to the guy, is exactly what I think this poem needed. If it were just one or the other, it would've felt incomplete, as if it was missing an element to it. I liked that it was short and sweet; right to the point I love this poem! Please keep writing, as you're very good at it

I think this is adorable! I love the rhyming and I love the reply the boy gives!!:) So cute! Umm, I think most of your mistakes have already been covered, so love the poem and keep on writing!!

A very cute and light-hearted poem. It flows nicely, and I like how the boy's perspective is commenting on the girl's.

This is a very good piece, i love the mode of expression and the context in which it is used.
Keep It UP.