Ever feel like me?

Have you ever felt afraid?
Afraid to go home?
Because your daddy beats your step-mom?
Because your afraid to face him,
after begging him to stop?

Have you ever felt imprisoned?
Imprisoned in your room?
Because you have nowhere to go?
Nowhere to run to,
Because he took that refuge away too?

Have you ever felt responsible?
Responsible for all that’s going wrong?
Always finding a way to blame yourself,
for your families pain,
for your fathers rage?

Have you ever felt powerless?
Powerless and unable to control a thing
that happens in your life?
Unable to get a grip,
and hold on to whats left?

Have you ever felt trapped?
Trapped in an abyss of blood and razors?
Where you can’t stop cutting?
Where you don’t want to stop,
even when the scars get too hard to hide?

Have you ever felt hated?
Hated for something you did?
Something you said?
Even though you can’t remember,
What you did to deserve that hate?

Have you ever felt unheard?
Unheard and misunderstood?
So you decide not to talk?
Then people get mad cause you wont talk,
even though that get madder when you do?

Have you ever felt alone?
Alone and isolated away from the world?
Like your just a ghost passing through?
Thinking your alive,
When in reality you’ve been dead all along?

Have you ever felt overwhelmed?
Overwhelmed by so many emotion,
that you feel like you’ll explode?
But even then there’s no escape,
from the emotions locked inside?

Have you ever felt abandoned?
Abandoned by those that are supposed to love you?
Your friends and family?
Left out in the streets,
to rot away unnoticed?

Have you ever felt confused?
Confused about it all?
One day it’s this, the next it’s that?
You don’t know what to trust,
don’t know what to believe?

Have you ever felt like saying good bye?
Good bye, good bye to all that’s trapped inside?
Good bye to the hate, the fear, the pain?
Good bye to the emotions the stresses, the blame?
Good bye to this life that’s not worth living?

I have.
I still do.
you probably have to.
you made it through.
I guess that means I can too…

SilentRain wrote:Have you ever felt afraid?
Afraid to go home?
Because your daddy beats your step-mom?
Because you're afraid to face him,
after begging him to stop?

Have you ever felt imprisoned?
Imprisoned in your room?
Because you have nowhere to go?
Nowhere to run to,
Because he took that refuge away too?

Have you ever felt responsible?
Responsible for all that’s going wrong?
Always finding a way to blame yourself,
for your families pain,
for your father's rage?

Have you ever felt powerless?
Powerless and unable to control a thing
that happens in your life?
Unable to get a grip,
and hold on to what's left?

Have you ever felt trapped?
Trapped in an abyss of blood and razors?
Where you can’t stop cutting?
Where you don’t want to stop,
even when the scars get too hard to hide?

Have you ever felt hated?
Hated for something you did?
Something you said?
Even though you can’t remember,
What you did to deserve that hate?

Have you ever felt unheard?
Unheard and misunderstood?
So you decide not to talk?
Then people get mad cause you won't talk,
even though thatthey get madder when you do?

Have you ever felt alone?
Alone and isolated away from the world?
Like you're just a ghost passing through?
Thinking your alive,
When in reality you’ve been dead all along?

Have you ever felt overwhelmed?
Overwhelmed by so many emotions,
that you feel like you’ll explode?
But even then there’s no escape,
from the emotions locked inside?

Have you ever felt abandoned?
Abandoned by those that are supposed to love you?
Your friends and family?
Left out in the streets,
to rot away unnoticed?

Have you ever felt confused?
Confused about it all?
One day it’s this, the next it’s that?
You don’t know what to trust,
don’t know what to believe?

Have you ever felt like saying good bye?
Good bye, good bye to all that’s trapped inside?
Good bye to the hate, the fear, the pain?
Good bye to the emotions the stresses, the blame?
Good bye to this life that’s not worth living?

I have.
I still do.
you probably have to.
you made it through.
I guess that means I can too…

Overall

After reading this, I was just stunned. This is very sad, but you do capture how others feel and it's great. I hope, when/if others review, they don't start crying out "EMO!!!", because that is plain immature. This poem is, to me, beautifully written and it really pierces the topic in the heart. This isn't what people call "emo", really, this is how someone feels most of the time and it really is a living hell.

I think you did fantastically well writing this, besides a few minor errors.

Is this you?

Lavvi

wow. I feel your pain.
I really like it. XD

The way you wrote it was really good. It seems like you're telling us your story without the intention of letting us feel the same way too, when in fact, we did. I also liked the last part - my favorite. It shows hope. Wonderful work. And Kudos to your writing.

-KAT <3

Wow, is what came to mind while reading this. Wow at the emotion, at the words you used to describe it and wow at the situation.
You are a very talented writer besides a few typos that Lav pointed out this was wonderful. In some places I feel like you could have worded it different, like the words broke the flow or something but maybe thats just me. I look forward to reading more of your work and, if this is about you (even if it's not) you can always talk to me about anything Some people do understand even though it seems like no one ever will. Were almost halfway there, we can make it the rest of the way too.

Much Luck and Love,
Change

Thanks for the comments! This was about me, but it was written awhile ago... I'm going better now...

~Rain~

This covers tons of emotions people feel all the time, but it seems like your writing it from a depressed persons point of view. Which to be honest, I love. I am addicted to tragedy, and this is amazing. The repetitiveness gives it rhythm, and the rhythm is awesome. Keep it up.

Oh and the last line when thing look up. awesome. I wish I could write that well. Putting emotions in to words is not as easy as it looks.

Hey there Silent, as part of the quest that you have given me, I'm here. I know you already told me not to review everything if I don't have the time to, but guess what? I'll take this as a challenge. xD Though I'm going to give you shorter reviews now. I'll be concentrating on the themes instead of nitpicking.

BUT...

these will never go unnoticed so I'll tell you again:

The difference between your and you're.


Pay attention here: You keep on not using "you're"; then you use your with its grammatical purpose somewhere else in the poem. This can be very confusing. Especially you're using standard punctuations. You're is you are; your is a possessive pronoun.

This is wrong:

Because your afraid to face him...

That should be:

Because you're afraid to face him,

If this is intentional, then you should at least tell us. As your faithful reviewer, you make me feel ignore. You keep on repeating that particular mistake; I keep on telling you what is right. At least tell me that it's intentional. That way, reviewers are not wasting reviewing your work. Sorry if that sounded harsh. O_o I guess...well...never mind.

Oh, and punctuations. Be careful with punctuations.

won't

Don't forget the apostrophe.

And for the last stanza:

I have.
I still do.
You probably have to <have to do what?>.
You made it through.
I guess that means I can too…

OVERALL, I like the way you've written this poem. The structure was great. The repetition was okay. And the questions, they gave rhythm to the poem. Good job! Though as usual, you've made me sad again. =(( Maybe it's just me....but it's such a sad poem. O_o And if I have to suggest a title, I guess the title would work just fine. =D
Or maybe, "Have you ever felt like me?"

Hey, Silent. I hope you consider my petty nitpicks. I'm off to review the next one. Blessed new year! See you around. I hope I've helped. And you know that I'm always a PM or a wallpost away. =D//


~ Jash ♥

Hey SilentRain,

Stunning. I think that pretty mich sums it up. A little note, in the third stanza, its "family's" not "families". There were a few grammatical things, nothing that bad, just read over it once just to check up on it, otherwise, it was truly amazing.

I have to say, I am a fan of your work, I can feel that it comes deep from your soul, and that you mean every word. The feeling and emotion isn't animated, but real. Making your work so powerful and strengthening when others read it. And for the record, I have felt like some of those stanzas before.

Amazing work from an amazing writer! Best wishes for future writing!

RedLeaf