bluewaterlily wrote:This is one of my first attempts at poetry. Since I have nothing else to say, here it goes:
Dark clouds hover above my head
They follow where ever I tread
There is no day, only night
Yet the flames of hope are my light
Nothing but turmoil and strife
But I have to get on with life
It seems like I'm the only one there
Though a faint flicker of hope still flares
My faith rattles and shakes
My soul sighs and aches
But through this journey I have learned
That the flames of hope forever burn
Though times are tough, hope is at my side
To forever be my shining guide.
What do you think? Like it? Hate it?
In the first stanza, I think the blue (at least I think it's blue) line, should take the place of the one below the very first line. It would keep the rhyming from being too close, in my opinion, and make it a rhyme every other line. It might sound better. But I'm not sure if that ruins anything... Your choice. Just a suggestion, maybe abad one but yeah O.o
I'm going to say the same thing about "But I have to get on with life". It should be below the third line O.o XD Well in my opinion...
I really like the third stanza. The words were well chosen, and the rhyming is all right, it fits in with it all, and also the two lines below. So, I guess I liked the ending the best, it all flew well to me ^^. It's a pretty poem, and I love the use of fire :]. It's used a lot but it never gets old to me!
