Chop

Not much to say with this one, it's a total break from my usual style/genre, please review
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Chop

Clunk

“Five.”

The best way to chop wood cleanly, in one swipe, is to go directly between two knots.

Chop

Clunk

“Six.”

Knots in the wood are what hold the piece together.

Chop

Clunk

“Seven.”

You aim between two of ‘em

Chop

Clunk

“Eight.”

And

Chop

Clunk

“Nine.”

You got yourself two bits of wood. Clean cut, no messing around

Joe leant back and wiped his brow. It was not physically exerting work, but it’s hot this time of year.

He picked up a new chunk of wood and placed it on the tree stump carefully, before lining the axe up perfectly. His eyes were steady as he as he raised the axe, and steadier as he brought it back down.

Chop

He watched as the two pieces fell off each side of the stump.
Clunk

He leant back once again, the axe dropped to the floor before him, and breathed in the summer air.

“Ten.” He stated. He bent down and began picking up the split wood chunks and tossing them behind him, without looking around. It was only as he picked up the last piece that he slowly turned around, and even then he kept his eyes firmly locked on the ground.

The pile of split wood slumped up against the two-storey house like beggar against a wall. It was massive. Chaotic, unplanned and huge. Some of the chunks were by now spilling onto the roof, though Joe could not, and would not, see them.

Joe looked at his watch.

“Four minutes.” He said. He turned away from the gargantuan pile of wood, crouched down slowly and sat, looking up into the sky emotionlessly.

Clouds floated by. The grass shivered in the light breeze. Trees gazed down fearfully at the last man on earth.

“Three minutes.” The valley beneath the house, the hill the house stood on, the forest surrounding it, the earth, the water, the sky, the planet on which he lived; all stood still.

“Two minutes.” He said as he rose and headed towards the house.

He crossed the threshold.

“Honey, I’m home!” He shouted, and chuckled at his little joke, before turning left and entering the kitchen.

“Rabbit stew.”

The stew was already stewing, over a small wood fire he had built in the middle of the kitchen floor.

He stood over it, unmoving.

“One minute.”

He picked up a little bowl and a ladle, which were already set out on the side.

He continued to stand there, towering over the little stew.

“Fifteen seconds.”

The planet held its breath. The first and last cooked meal of the day was about to be eaten.
Joe began ladling the stew into the bowl. He placed the bowl onto a small wooden table, sat down on the one chair, picked up the spoon that was already set out and began to eat, slowly and quietly.

He fought to contain his smile. But eventually the tiny curling of the corners of his mouth turned into a face-splitting grin. And a tiny chuckle at the back of his throat grew, and grew and grew and grew, until he was happily laughing long and loud, roaring, hooting and rocking back and forth in his chair like a madman, wiping the tears from his eyes as he finished the stew.

He leant forward and held his head in his hands, still giggling.

Chop

Clunk

“Five.”

The best way to chop wood cleanly, in one swipe, is to go directly between two knots.

Chop

Clunk

“Six.”

Knots in the wood are what hold the piece together.

Chop

Clunk

“Seven.”

You aim between two of ‘em

Chop

Clunk

“Eight.”

And

Chop

Clunk

“Nine.”

You got yourself two bits of wood. Clean cut, no messing around

wow that is a lot of Chops and Clunks...but and is not a complete sentence

Joe leant back and wiped his brow. It was not physically exerting work, but it’s hot this time of year.

He picked up a new chunk of wood and placed it on the tree stump carefully, before lining the axe up perfectly. His eyes were steady as he as he raised the axe, and steadier as he brought it back down.

These parpagraphs are short and they are usually 4-6 sentences

Chop

He watched as the two pieces fell off each side of the stump.

Clunk

He leant back once again, the axe dropped to the floor before him, and breathed in the summer air.

“Ten.” He stated. He bent down and began picking up the split wood chunks and tossing them behind him, without looking around. It was only as he picked up the last piece that he slowly turned around, and even then he kept his eyes firmly locked on the ground.

uh oh...this builds up good suspense...

The pile of split wood slumped up against the two-stories house like beggar against a wall. It was massive. Chaotic, unplanned and huge. Some of the chunks were by now spilling onto the roof, though Joe could not, and would not, see them.

Joe looked at his watch.

wow that was unexpected and i didnt know that was going to happen..but i like how you used a phrase for the wood knocking agianst the wall...

“Four minutes.” He said. He turned away from the gargantuan pile of wood, crouched down slowly and sat, looking up into the sky emotionlessly.

Clouds floated by. The grass shivered in the light breeze. Trees gazed down fearfully at the last man on earth.

“Three minutes.” The valley beneath the house, the hill the house stood on, the forest surrounding it, the earth, the water, the sky, the planet on which he lived; all stood still.

“Two minutes.” He said as he rose and headed towards the house.

He crossed the threshold.

“Honey, I’m home!” He shouted, and chuckled at his little joke, before turning left and entering the kitchen.

“Rabbit stew.”

so did the live alone or with someone because if he is saying "rabit stew" it would be one paragraph

The stew was already stewing, over a small wood fire he had built in the middle of the kitchen floor.

He stood over it, unmoving.

“One minute.”

He picked up a little bowl and a ladle, which were already set out on the side.

He continued to stand there, towering over the little stew.

“Fifteen seconds.”

The planet held its breath. The first and last cooked meal of the day was about to be eaten.

i liked how you gave the plant personification!

Joe began ladling the stew into the bowl. He placed the bowl onto a small wooden table, sat down on the one chair, picked up the spoon that was already set out and began to eat, slowly and quietly.

He fought to contain his smile. But eventually the tiny curling of the corners of his mouth turned into a face-splitting grin. And a tiny chuckle at the back of his throat grew, and grew and grew and grew, until he was happily laughing long and loud, roaring, hooting and rocking back and forth in his chair like a madman, wiping the tears from his eyes as he finished the stew.

He leant forward and held his head in his hands, still giggling.

okay this is kinda scary to me because he laughs for no apparent reason and this story was good but you could make it much better if you explain what and where he was...

I like your story I'm interested in where it is going. I want to know why is he the last man on earth why is he laughing all the intrigue is really rather interesting.
I like the way you put words and description together I pointed it out in my critique.
My main point would be watch where you place you comas and full stops because some times it makes it hard to read and destroys the readers flow. At some points i thought your use of full stops was clever and then at others slightly disorganized which i think takes away from how good this piece could be. Its good in the descriptive bits if you want short descriptive statement’s but now so great in more flowing bits of prose.
(Have you by any chance read the Road by Cormac McCartny, it use the idea of short sentence like you have tried here)
I also really like the way you had an individual line for the chopping of wood. I thought that was very clever.

He picked up a new chunk of wood and placed it on the tree stump carefully, before lining the axe up perfectly. His eyes were steady as he as he raised the axe, (probably a typo you missed, but repetition) and steadier as he brought it back down.  (not sure if this works maybe you meant his arms where steady, repetition makes it jar a bit maybe something like this would work better. “ His ARMS where steady as he raised the axe high above his head, his swipe downwards controlled and effortless)

He watched as the two pieces fell off each side of the stump.  (feel this could be clearer)

He leant back once again, the axe dropped to the floor before him, and breathed in the summer air.  (to many comas and not enough clarity, try mentioning the characters name: the axe drooped to the floor before him and joe breathed in the sumer air)

“Ten.” He stated. He bent down and began picking up the split wood chunks and tossing them behind him, (without looking around. feels unnecessary) It was only as he picked up the last piece that he slowly turned around, and even then he kept his eyes firmly locked on the ground.  (I rather like this bit, the imagery is good. I can imagine the character doing that)

The pile of split wood slumped up against the two-storey house like (a) beggar against a wall. It was massive, Chaotic, unplanned and huge. (I love those words well strung together. The next bit got a little chaotic, read through it yourself I will put my suggestion after it)

Some of the chunks were by now spilling onto the roof, though Joe could not, and would not, see them.  
(Some of the chunks of wood where spilling over on to the roof but joe could not see them.)

“Four minutes.” He said. He turned away from the gargantuan pile of wood, crouched down slowly and sat, looking up into the sky emotionlessly.  (I like this bit very descriptive, easy to read)

Clouds floated by. The grass shivered in the light breeze. Trees gazed down fearfully at the last man on earth.  (fast pace interesting use of full stops. if this is what you where trying to achieve its quickens the description)

“Three minutes.” The valley beneath the house, the hill the house stood on, the forest surrounding it, the earth, the water, the sky, the planet on which he lived; all stood still.  (I think if it was indeed the full-stop technique you where using before worked well and you should carry on using it and in this paragraph use full stops instead of comas)

He fought to contain his smile But eventually the tiny curling of the corners of his mouth turned into a face-splitting grin. And a tiny chuckle at the back of his throat grew, and grew and grew and grew, until he was happily laughing long and loud, roaring, hooting and rocking back and forth in his chair like a madman, wiping the tears from his eyes as he finished the stew.  (no full stop’s before BUT and AND if you cant explain them and within this paragraph i can’t really see how it works try using commas)

I like this baboon keep on writing! There I reviewed stop bugging me . No I really do like this. I don't think I can help anymore then the others already have.

After literally shredding this in my shredder, I'll get to the review.

I really like the beginning. It was so original I was pulled right in.

The rest was odd. Joe is insane. He's living proof of. It also seemed unfinished, but I really did like the description and how you have the countodwn going, for the wood and the time... Am I missing something because I still don't get it really?

Lavvi

Okay, I did miss something....Nevermind that last Question.

Hi there, Baboon! It's Mizz here, as requested && promised.

The things in black, bold font are my comments inside the piece.

Here's my review, then:

Baboon wrote:
Chop I feel like the these bits, where you say "chop" or "clunk" should be in italics, and they also need to have a period at the end.

Clunk

“Five.”

The best way to chop wood cleanly, in one swipe, is to go directly between two knots. I don't know, but I don't really like this. Since you mention Joe later on (I read ahead) you could say, "Common knowledge that Joe had learned from his father was that the best way to chop wood in one swipe is to go directly between the two knots, the piece of wood that hold the whole together." It makes it sound more like a fiction piece if you do it that way.

Chop

Clunk

“Six.”

Knots in the wood are what hold the piece together. Grr! You saw my comment earlier, though, so just keep it in mind.

Chop

Clunk

“Seven.”

You aim between two of ‘em Lord have mercy! I don't like how you are forming this. First of all, since this isn't Joe's point of view, just say, aim between the two of THEM. If you were using Joe's POV, you could say 'em, but otherwise, DON'T.

Chop

Clunk

“Eight.”

And

Chop

Clunk

“Nine.”

You got yourself two bits of wood. Clean cut, no messing around Don't forget your periods at the end of sentences.

Joe leant It's "leaned" not "leant". back and wiped his brow. It was not physically exerting work, but it’s hot this time of year. You change from "was not" to "it's hot". Keep the same tense throughout the story.

He picked up a new chunk of wood and placed it on the tree stump carefully, before lining the axe up perfectly. His eyes were steady as he as he raised the axe, and steadier as he brought it back down.

Chop

He watched as the two pieces fell off each side of the stump.
Clunk

He leant Leaned, not leant. back once again, the axe dropped to the floor before him, and breathed in the summer air.

“Ten.” He stated. He bent down and began picking up the split wood chunks and tossing them behind him, without looking around. It was only as he picked up the last piece that he slowly turned around, and even then he kept his eyes firmly locked on the ground.

The pile of split wood slumped up against the two-storey Story, not storey.house like beggar against a wall. It was massive. Chaotic, unplanned and huge. Some of the chunks were by now spilling onto the roof, though Joe could not, and would not, see them.

Joe looked at his watch.

“Four minutes.” He said. He turned away from the gargantuan pile of wood, crouched down slowly and sat, looking up into the sky, emotionlessly. Emotionless, not emotionlessly.

Clouds floated by. The grass shivered in the light breeze. Trees gazed down fearfully at the last man on earth.

“Three minutes.” The valley beneath the house, the hill the house stood on, the forest surrounding it, the earth, the water, the sky, the planet on which he lived; all stood still.

“Two minutes.” He said as he rose and headed towards the house.

He crossed the threshold.

“Honey, I’m home!” He shouted, and chuckled at his little joke, before turning left and entering the kitchen.

“Rabbit stew.”

The stew was already stewing, over a small wood fire he had built in the middle of the kitchen floor.

He stood over it, unmoving.

“One minute.”

He picked up a little bowl and a ladle, which were already set out on the side.

He continued to stand there, towering over the little stew.

“Fifteen seconds.”

The planet held its breath. The first and last cooked meal of the day was about to be eaten.
Joe began ladling the stew into the bowl. He placed the bowl onto a small wooden table, sat down on the one chair, picked up the spoon that was already set out and began to eat, slowly and quietly.

He fought to contain his smile. But eventually the tiny curling of the corners of his mouth turned into a face-splitting grin. And a tiny chuckle at the back of his throat grew, and grew and grew and grew, until he was happily laughing long and loud, roaring, hooting and rocking back and forth in his chair like a madman, wiping the tears from his eyes as he finished the stew.

He leaned forward and held his head in his hands, still giggling.

I find it odd that a grown man would giggle. Extremely odd, actually. It would be a grown man would chuckle, or give a hearty laugh. Most definitely not giggle. >.>

Overall:
You need to watch your spelling and fix the way a few things in your piece are written. Otherwise, I find this an enjoyable story; nothing to fawn over, but I won't say it's terrible because it's not. I don't really get who he is, with you saying "the last man on Earth," it didn't make any sense to me, actually.
Nice work, and I hope this helped.
-Mizz-