The World Now

The world is dark and gloomy,
From the choices made in life.
The decisions that we all have made,
Created all this strife.
Its time we all take a stand,
Make changes in what we do.
Our leaders to come to agreements,
And to make our world true.
If one alone could make the difference,
Id stand up tall and use my voice.
Id stop the hurt in the people hurting,
That is my first choice.
The families loosing loved ones,
Because of our stubborn governments.
Caring about whats in their pockets,
And ignoreing their peoples arguements.
The agruements pleading them to stop,
But their feelings just get brushed away.
If I alone could make all the difference,
The love inside me would not delay.
If I alone could change the world,
The flame of torture would be diminished.
No hurt nor strife left in this world,
The pain would finally be finished.

Hello there and welcome to YWS!

Well this is a very passionate piece you have here. I just have some concerns as it goes towards the end; it just feels like you were repeating some things and your point.

melsmall94 wrote:The world is dark and gloomy,
From the choices made in life.
The decisions that we all have made,
Created all this strife.
Its time we all take a stand,
Make changes in what we do.
Our leaders to come to agreements,
And to make our world true.
If one alone could make the difference,
I'd stand up tall and use my voice.
I'd stop the hurt in the people hurting,
That is my first choice.
The families loosing loved ones,
Because of our stubborn governments.
Caring about whats in their pockets,
And ignoreing their peoples arguements.
The agruements pleading them to stop,
But their feelings just get brushed away.
If I alone could make all the difference, If you could skip a line here, it would sound better and not repetitive
The love inside me would not delay.
If I alone could change the world,
The flame of torture would be diminished.
No hurt nor strife left in this world,
The pain would finally be finished.

I also thought your rhyming at times was a little forced and as the poem continues, the consistent rhythm you had all through out broke.

However, I liked this poem, it was not all bad. It was straight to the point abd simple and passionate.

Keep writing.
Also, I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work
Ziggie

Hey Melsmall94. Welcome to YWS. I can really relate to the poem and it's real truthful about the world.
But I did find some parts in need of work. The corrections are in red.

melsmall94 wrote:The world is dark and gloomy,
From the choices made in life.
The decisions that we all have made,
Created all this strife.
It's time we all take a stand,
Make changes in what we do.
Our leaders to come to agreements,
And to make our world true.
If one alone could make the difference,
I'd stand up tall and use my voice.
I'd stop the hurt in the people hurting,
That is my first choice.
The families loosing loved ones,
Because of our stubborn governments.
Caring about what's in their pockets,
And ignoring their peoples arguments.
The arguments pleading them to stop,
But their feelings just get brushed away.
If I alone could make all the difference,
The love inside me would not delay.
If I alone could change the world,
The flame of torture would be diminished.
No hurt nor strife left in this world,
The pain would finally be finished.

That's all from me. I hope you keep writing.
~Lady purple.

diddo honey diddo

this was freaking amazing i love it ! keep up the good work.