The Message

I dragged my feet across the hot sand as I gazed out into the everlasting blanket of deep, blue water. The waves crashed against the shore and sent breezes of salty air up my nose. My mind was pondering how something so dangerous could look so peaceful.

I turned my head and thoughts away from the vast ocean, to look over the sandy beach lined with rock walls all the way up to the steep edge. My eyes scanned the deserted hills of soft, white sand. I was walking on the very edge of where the dry sand meets with the wet sand. Occasionally, the tide reached my bare feet and sent a shiver up my spine.

I enjoyed walking alone on the beach and had come down here often when everyone else had gone home. But as I was walking, something hard and solid was in my path. Despite my many times being down here, I had never seen this before. As I bent down to pick it up, I noticed that the object was a bottle. Inside was a note.

I'm reviewing another of your works.

Before I continue, try and lengthen your short stories. Sure, they are called Short Stories for a reason, but if you look at other posts, they are longer. The shorter your piece, the less people have to say about it.

Like your other post, you have great description, but need to vary the lengths of your sentences. This is a big thing for me, because I get bored with stories very easily if they're all long or short. I'm picky

That's all I can really say, due to the length of the piece, but also how good it is! I'm following you now

Lavvi

Hello there!

Here to review.

This piece is neat and clean but a total cliffhanger!

I find this interesting and a bit refreshing, especially when you chose the beach as the setting in your story plot. You've use good descriptions and imagery which add effects and some spice here. Your verbs are consistent and as with your your grammars... well, I'm not the right person to correct you on that but I say you did a good job on that.

I only have one thing for you though.

I was walking on the very edge of where the dry sand meets with the wet sand.

I enjoyed walking alone on the beach and had come down here often when everyone else had gone home.

But as I was walking, something hard and solid was in my path.

You see this line that I've just quoted? It means repetition and it's never fun to read same phrases over again. Just imagine this as a page of a novel, and you read the word "was walking" or just the word "walking" itself, three or more of that in a row. Is it interesting? I think in my opinion, no. Unless, you really intended it for emphasis. So, how about experimenting on some words or just befriends to a dictionary or a thesaurus. I tell you, that'll be a good thing. It would not only widen up your vocabulary but it'll also enhance your writing skills. (Don't worry though, I admit that I sometimes repeat words but I say... practice and more practice!)

Overall: Since this is short and I think this is very well written, this is thumbs up but it feels lacking of something. Like explain to us more about the your character; introduce is the word.
PM me for questions.

Keep writing!

Peace out!

~yuri

I loved this! The desciption was brilliant! It was a bit boring and not refreshing. alot of people write about the beach. Edit the parts the writers above me mentioned. I liked the part when the MC found the message. Keep writing!
Nike

Hiya! Welcome to YWS! *hands cookie*

Okay. This has a nice flow to it. You also have some nice descriptions going on in here! But, let's get straight to the point.

This isn't really a short story. This is a scrap of something. This is a scrap of something bigger. There's nothing really going on in here...where's the theme? Where's the plot? You really have none of that here.

If there are more parts to this coming up, you should indicate that. Or, is this just something you did for fun, or for practice?

Hope I helped; I don't mean to be mean (haha!) in the slightest!

~KD

Hello! Welcome to YWS! I'm Jessica and I will be reviewing The Message today!
I thought the details were beautiful and made me feel like I was really there. But I have read many stories about the beach. I would really love to read more if you added some. It left me hanging and wanting to find out what is in the bottle.
Also, try not to repeat sentences similar to each other to many times. There were a few sentences about walking that was a little awkward, you know what I mean? But other than that I thought it sounded great! Keep writing!


- Jessica

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________
Need A Review? Visit Jessica's Critique Studio Today! topic66830.html