Empty Post. Sorry mods.

This once contained a story that I removed. Sorry.

I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night— but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. To you the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and light are the same to you!”

This is redundant. "God" says it to the character...so why are you having tha character say it back to him? Get rid of this little bit.

My steps will be led by your hand and my enemies will tremble at your voice.

If you're speaking about God -- he's not going to fight your enemies for you. If that were the case -- everyone on Earth would be dead. Everyone (Well, most people) has/have a problem with someone. Get rid of this bit.


Also -- You didn't make it clear in the beginning that the baby was dying/ was already dead. So, work on that a bit, too. Also, you use phrases such as 'He was so caring and so this and so that' ...don't. Go back and read where you do that and fix it. I might as well read 'he was so, so, so, so funny.'


It was alright; good base, less than fresh idea. Incorporate an idea in that we haven't seen much of with this topic (Salvation through God). Make it stand out. Even if you have to be radical with it. Make it...different.


-Jon