Classy Witch (A Draco-Hermione love story/parody)

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This is an 85-line poem about the love/romance between Draco and Hermione. It is a parody, kinda'. JFW1415, one night, ask (told xD) me to write a 100 line poem about this, a "Dramione" as she called it. So, being the nice guy I am...and her constant yelling at me to do it, I did it. So, here it is:
~~~~~~~

He will love me with this poly-juice potion -
In my control - his undying devotion!
Muahaha! Bruhaha! Bwahaha! ... Ha.
He shall have a fire greater than Ra.

As I watch him in the night,
I see his dreams are filled with fright -
But soon I shall fill his dreams
and replace them with me - his Queen.

Forget a spell to make him mine -
That sends shivers down my spine!
Who could be so low?
I use potions, ya' know? (I'm classy)

With my red hair and seductive style -
and his good looks to stay a while -
We'll have children of our own -
This I know (and condone).

I set the juice to simmer down -
and soon I'll look all around
to seek his face. White face -
Oh, how it glows like fluorescent waste.

For those of you who think he's bad -
Just look at the hardships he has had!
I heard a ghost say that they saw Trelawny gaze
and see his goodness in future days!

Forget Ron and his...loserness -
I like a man I must confess.
So here he comes - My man -
only now I'll reprimand.

I drank the juice with defying magic -
my solidity faded - how tragic -
But he looked at me - finally -
and this is what he said to me:

Moaning Myrtle - you're lovely today -
Can I have a date, if I may?
I promise to swoon you through the night
until what passes through is morning light.

I floated to him in passionate desire -
To phase through him - how Dire!
But I just may to make him stay -
But then he opened his mouth to say:

I've seen you in the stalls -
even in all my class-route halls
and as I sit in the stall, a smile
come over me - you're in my bile.
(And how closer can one be?)

How I love you, Myrtle -
You're so tragically dead -
So, maybe to be with you,
I'll jinx my head!

And I say: No!
and take off my disguise -
will it be enough or
too much of a surprise?


His face was shocked -
Like he'd been mocked -
Sock'd in the nose by
my solid fist of mixed-blood.

"A mudblood?!"
"Yes."
"No..."
"...Er, yes."

(It seemed as though he'd
take convincing - my love
in spell form should
be the fixing!)

I know - I said I couldn't be that low -
But I'm one classy witch
And we witches, sometimes,
make love stitches.

"Cupendous!" I screamed in his face -
His jaw dropped - his mind in lace.
His mind thinking of me in lace -
Haha, that evil boy...it won't go to waste.

So I lead him up to my highest tower
to my chambers so I could devour
and love him. He was my love-puppet -
but only to talk was my true desire...

We went to the clock tower to gaze the stars -
He held my hand and sat idle -
He left me with quiet thoughts
of how much love I'd caught!

You ask how I could get this lover?
Well, it's simple - let me cover
it. It's my niche:
I'm one Classy Witch.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


So, obviously, this isn't a serious poem. It's meant to be fun, I guess -- so, no reviews on quality, because obviously it's not meant to be.


Jen -- I'm glad I'm done, lol. This gave me a headache. xD
Last edited by Jon on Mon Jul 12, 2010 4:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Hahahahaha ohmyGOODNESS.

I just... you just... ohmyGOODNESS.

(Hermione has BROWN hair, by the way.)

No words. None at all.

~JFW1415




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Red heads are said to be more seductive, I've heard. xD Ah well, lol.
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Jon wrote:Red heads are said to be more seductive, I've heard. xD Ah well, lol.

Haha another reason to dye my hair. <3

~JFW1415




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Oh my gosh- I love it! It's hilarious!
Nike :)
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hello my name is James!
hahhaah i do read harry potter and enjoy paradoies but you really made this one insane. you used the charecters brilliantly. i really enjoyed reading it. it is kind of hard to find funny stuff around here. thanks for the laugh man! i owe you one.




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Really, really funny...but...umm...if I read right, Hermione turned herself into moaning Myrtle? Crazy but good.




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Haha, yes, Moaning Myrtle! Lol

And thanks, Guys!
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Jon... I don't know whether to be amazed or disturbed. Pure and utter genius and total horror in one bottle.

(Technically, of course, she couldn't take Polyjuice Potion to become Moaning Myrtle, since Myrtle is a ghost she's technically not human (and we find out in the Deathly Hallows it doesn't work on non-humans, eg. Hagrid) and Hermione couldn't get a body-part off her to put in the potion. So. Yes.)

Um...[/hpgeek]

-Stella x
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i thought Hermione had red hair...i can deffenetly relate to her...
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LOL! I love it! Very unique. Who would have thought Hermione would have fallen for Draco? Good work and keep at it~bluewaterlily. :D
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Crazy and absolutely wonderful. This was silly, and while it could use some work in technicalities, brilliant. Great job. c:




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purely epic.
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haha! Yes! :lol:

This is seriously funny! I don't even like Harry Potter all that much, but I could still relate to it and I certainly found it very entertaining to read. You should so write more of these. Things similar to it, anyway.

Truly immense... 8)
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Completely brilliant. :D
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