Sun-Kissed Exhilaration

It was Independence Day weekend and Veronica brought me along to her campground with her family. Now when she had told me camping, I thought she had a camper or something along those lines. But I was dead wrong. She had a mini house that overlooked a gorgeous lake. If you walked about ten paces left, you would be on a miniature beach, complete with a bulletin board of things one can and cannot do. If you went ten paces forward however, you would find yourself at Veronica's boat, tied to the end of the dock.

Today, we went out on her boat with Veronica's dad and brother to go tubing. As we coasted to the center of the lake, a fine mist flew up into my face and my hair whipped against the wind. I couldn't help to smile, here I was sitting under the blue skies, reeking of sunscreen, clad in my black and neon swimsuit, aside one of my best friends.

I met Veronica a few years ago when we were in eighth grade. She was the new girl in our small town and I was feeling particularly compelled to befriend her. Veronica was stubborn, I later learned she was upset about moving towns and didn't want to become attached to this one. But she didn't know how persistent I was! By the end of the year, we were the best of friends. The next year, however, I was to move away from our small town and from Veronica. We still kept in touch and to this day we are friends through the thick and thin.

“Are you ready?” Veronica said, slightly higher pitched than normal. I laughed and shook my head.
“Of course I'm ready!”

I put my vibrant tangerine life jacket on and made my way toward the steps. With one final look at the boat, I jumped into the tube and slowly began to drift off away. I sat there, on the awkward blow up tube, waiting for the rope to tug me along the easy waves. My best friend looked back at me from her boat, anxiously waiting to see me wipeout into the water. I smiled at her, secretly promising not to let my defeat come so quickly.

As the rope reached the end of the line, I began to ride the baby waves. As the boat gained speed, the waves grew, threatening to tip me over where I rode. I beamed my smile to the water as I stood on my knees on top of the tube. I was challenging the waves to knock me off the flotation devise. The fight between nature and man had begun.

The murky green water thrashed against my tube as the sun beat down against my open back. The elements had seemed to turn against me and all that was preventing my fall was the tight grip my hands had on the tube's handles. But fate brought another boat out on the lake, creating even harsher waves. I couldn't handle this challenge for much longer!

As if that thought was my signal for defeat, my hands gave way and let go of the tube's handles. I could feel my body flip into the water and suddenly I was submersed into refreshingly cold lake water. I came up gasping for breath but I couldn't get rid of the big grin on my face. The boat pulled up along side of me and I swam over to the ladder. Veronica smiled as I emerged up from the lake.

“So Chelsea, did you enjoy your swim?”
I tossed my life jacket over to Veronica and laughed.
“Good luck trying to stay on those waves! They are rough out there,”

Veronica quickly suited up and soon enough I found myself looking at her performance on the tube from the back of the boat. The view from the boat was astounding, I was watching the cloudless sky reflect into the opaque lake as boats intertwined on the water. In the far off distance I could see a mini island covered in trees, almost allowing no one to enter. To top it all off, a few yards back from the boat Veronica glided across the water.

“I wish I had brought my camera!” I mumbled, too low for the others to hear over the sound of the motor. I waved towards Veronica and she lifted one hand from the tube to wave back. That one hand was all the violent waves needed as she admitted defeat and plunged into the lake. The boat turned around and circled Veronica in the water. I threw down the ladder and immediately she began to make her way over to the boat.

“Curse you Chelsea for waving at me!” Veronica's eyes gleamed with laughter, telling me that she was joking. I simply smiled back.

Hello there
I love your avatar first of all.
Anyway

As the rope reached the end of the line, I began to ride the baby waves. As the boat gained speed, the waves grew, threatening to tip me over where I rode.

The use of the word "As" consecutively at the beginning of each sentence was a bit distracting.

I thought that your story was cute and did a good job at delivering the most special parts and reasons of friendship. Although the plot was nothing new and special, your writing skills are great.

Good job

Hey, Jet here. This'll be a fast review 'cause it's quite late where I am, but I'd like to give you a bit of feedback. Your title is amazing, by the way, and totally lured me in.

Your plot is nothing new, as ziggiefred pointed out, so it's even more important that you make your writing unique and interesting to read. At the moment, you rely a lot on simple sentences and don't make the most of using literary devices in your piece. There's no real conflict, either - you can either attempt to create some, with the waves, or just focus on the emotions you already have here. As it is, your piece is almost too cutesy and without a point of interest for the reader. Your characters aren't developed that much and seem a little generic.

Your style will develop the more you write, and it's easy to read right now, just lacking in individuality. Establish quirks about your characters and use a few unique images, rather than relying solely on adjectives and nouns in simple structures. Experiment with metaphor and simile to create sensory imagery rather than just your basic description. Don't just tell us about Veronica's past; show it to us, if indeed it's necessary at all. Don't just tell us about the strength of their friendship; show it to us through how comfortable they are with each other, their actions, and so on.

There is potential already here. Expand on the idea of the waves that you've touched on. There isn't a plot here so much as a situation, so you have description and characterisation to make that situation come alive to us. It's about subtlety, and manipulating - it's an awful word, I know - the reader into seeing what you want, and feeling what you want. You're halfway there at the moment. I'd give you some particular examples, but as I said, it's late. I hope this has given you a vague idea of areas to consider in future, or with this piece. If you'd like me to come back and delve further into it, PM me.

- Jet.

Hola Sodapop!

"Sun-Kissed Exhilaration"...even the title has me thinking of lazy days spent lying on the beach. Your story was relaxing, flowy, easy-going, etc. You have a nice writing style, the words are uninterrupted and simply tell the story. There was alot of realism to this story about two best friends. It showcased their friendship nicely and without too many background details, you accepted their relationship as real.True, this type of plot has been done before, but it's nice to see it in a slightly different light, and read your version of it.

Keep Writing!!

Hi hi : )
I liked this, it was adorable! The title is what made me stop and think, 'oh! It's gonna be good!"
I actually liked that there was no conflict or problem in the piece because it just showed the true friendship between the girls. I liked your use of adjectives, too. It made the piece picturesque.
I also liked how riding the tube was a 'challenge.' That entertained me. : )
Good piece,
Happy writing,
~Chryssa

Interesting little story. There is no conflict, just an easy read, which matches the easy-going style of your words. I get the impression this might have started as a poem? If not, you might try making a side-piece for this in a poetic style. Anyway, just an idea. Keep up the good work!