Say That You Love Me

He felt how the Goosebumps rose every time he kissed her and giggled. Jason more than anyone knew that what he was doing wasn’t right, but it had been an impulse, an impulse he had like against all odds.

He continued kissing her until very slowly and carefully he reached for her pant and unbuttoned it, as he ran his hand underneath her shirt.

How tempting he was! But how not hers he was. In her insides, she was grieving, wishing for a way to make him completely hers.

“Say that you love me and you can have me for another night,” she said, pressing her lips to his ear as he took off her pants.
“I love you,” he said slowly, savoring the taste of victory in one kiss.

It was quite a rush to see him waking up so she lit up another cigar and started smoking; after all, it was the only way in which she could calm herself at the moment.

“Then I as sure as hell can’t,” she replied, smiling as she placed her thin cold hand over his warm boyish hand that was on her waist.

pudin.junidf wrote:She stared across the room, grabbing her cigar between her index and thumb, smoking it as if it were a joint. Her eyes wandered across the room, looking for something to focus on but she was too high to realize anything. This seems odd, only because she's smoking a cigar. It would probably make more sense if she was smoking a joint. Very slowly, she ran her hands down her torso until she reached her hips. With the cigar still placed on her mouth, she began putting her pants back on. Some kind of light was starting to fill the room through the closed blinds which made her check her watch. Some kind of light? She has to realize that it's sunlight since she checks her watch right away.That just seemed like an odd way to state that she was seeing light. I would probably change it. It read six thirty. But was it morning or evening? She didn’t know, for time was the last thing that had mattered to her all this time. In this sentence, you say time twice and the secnod use of time isn't really nescessary. You could change it without making this sentence worse. I would change the last part of that sentence to: ...that had mattered to her. And just cut it off right there. Or maybe: for time was the last thing on her mind. You get my point.

What had happened to her, wasn’t at all clear, but as the effect of the many drinks started to go away, blurry memories started coming. I took a piece out of this sentence because it flows better that way. And in my opinion the sentence would sound better if you ended it like: ...blurry memories took their place. I just suggested that because you use started twice in that sentence. She was with him, in this room, with all the lights off when all of a sudden they started taking all of her clothes off and he started running his hands all over her body as he kissed her. There was a time when both of them lost track of time as well as normal consciousness and he started taking his clothes off as well. What kind of consciousness isn't normal? Then, the rest was history for her. They had lain in bed, kissing, touching each other until they fell asleep.

This hadn’t been her first time, or her second, but it was the first time she had felt like that. She wondered if it was because she did it with her best friend’s boyfriend. Or maybe because she was so stoned that every feeling and emotion she had just felt greater. Either way, even though she didn’t exactly remember what happened, she remembered the feeling.

The room was still dark; the few strikes of light that passed through the shut blinds barely lit the unarranged bed in which he was still lying. For one second, she didn’t regret doing it. First of all, it had been so good, so heavenly that even with so much drug and alcohol in her she had enjoyed it. I'm not sure how you would fix it, but the part in the sentence that reads ''with so much drug and alcohol" seems awkward. Second, he was so beautiful; he looked so peaceful lying quietly in bed with his shirt off and his perfect white body covered by a dark red satin sheet.

Her floral white shirt was on the ground but she lingered in the room, staring at him, arranging her short curly hair into a bun. She leaned against the wall, as she stared at the big window that gave a picturesque view to New York’s chaotic Upper East Side. But she couldn’t see a thing since everything was dark and closed. Then why is she even looking out of the window?

All of a sudden, she heard the sheets ruffling and a deep tired breath. She turned around quickly, looking back at him as he opened his blue eyes in the faint light. It was quite a rush to see him waking up so she lit up another cigar and started smoking; after all, it was the only way in which she could calm herself at the moment. Cigars usually don't run out as quickly as cigarettes. Unless you mean cigarettes instead of cigars.

“So you’re still here,” he told her as he uncovered himself and slowly sat in the edge of the bed, “thought you’d be gone by now.”

“I was” she answered coolly, turning her head to the window.

“You have to go, Allison,” he continued but those words penetrated her like a dagger, cold and insensitive.

“I will, soon enough you’ll barely remember I was here” Allison said, taking her floral tank top and putting it on. That piece of dialogua seems very stiff and startchy. Would anyone really say something like that?

“I’ll still have your smell in my bed sheets,” he said smiling, looking at her with shiny blue eyes as he strode slowly to her.

“Enjoy it while you have it,” she replied.

“It won’t be like having you in my bed though,” he said, running the back of his hand slowly through her left arm as he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her closer. His hand went through her arm? Huh? That's an odd way of saying whatever it is that you're trying to say.

He smiled crookedly, making a small laughter sound before kissing her neck gently. A laughter sound? Just say that he laughed lightly or something like that.

“Jason,” Allison said, not being able to finish the sentence for she had nothing better to say. But as much as she denied it, she liked it, enjoyed it, and wanted it again even thought she knew it wasn’t right.

Jason lingered next to her, with his hand on her waist, resting his head on her shoulder as she finished her cigar and threw it to the little plate on the black night table. Allison took a deep breath, enjoying the pleasing aroma of his cologne. Ever since she met him he had worn the same irresistible cologne that mixed with his smell and became an exquisite poison for her. And his touch, for some reason, today felt warm and soothing instead of cold but tempting. Either way though, he had always tempted her.

“Mmm,” he started, breathing on her neck, “Can you smell any better? Because this is heaven already.”

“Then I as sure as hell can’t,” she replied, smiling as she placed her thin cold hand over his warm boyish hand that was on her waist.

He kissed her neck softly, delighting in every kiss he gave her. He felt how the goosebumps rose every time he kissed her and giggled. Jason, more than anyone, knew that what he was doing wasn’t right, but it had been an impulse, an impulse he had like against all odds. He reached a point in which he wondered why he never said a thing to the thin short girl with shiny brown eyes that was now standing with him, with her hands intertwined with his. But well, it had to be then, when they were both wasted and stoned.

He continued kissing her until very slowly and carefully he reached for her pants and unbuttoned them, as he ran his hand underneath her shirt. But before he could continue, Allison reached for his hand and stopped him, turning around to face him. His beautiful blue eyes penetrated hers as she threaded her skinny fingers carefully in his black straight hair. She wanted to give in, she wanted to kiss him all over and feel his warm body again. All she wanted to do was go through it all over again.

Very slowly she leaned forward and pressed her lips softly against his. The kiss felt desperate but the only touch of his lips sent her to another dimension. With him there, she didn't need any other drug. Jason placed his hands around her and pulled her closer, making the kiss last longer.

“I have to go,” Allison told him, caressing his face softly but the expression on her face was cold.

“My bed will miss you; have a little mercy on us,” Jason said, smiling crookedly again as he kissed her. What could she have given to stay another single night with him? This sentence sounds awkward. I would probably change to something like: She would've given anything to stay with him another night. She didn’t care if they drank and barely remembered what they had done; she just wanted to be with him again.

She thought for a moment, getting lost in his blue eyes and fine face. It was hard to resist not giving in to his charm, but after all, what did it mean to her? He was just another dude, she liked him, yes she did, but he wasn’t hers. He wasn’t hers, that was it, he was the forbidden pleasure, so why not give in to such dreadful sin?

Allison smiled wryly at him, looking at him with hating eyes as she stepped back and grabbed a cup of white wine. Where did the white wine come from? His expression was stone hard as she stared at him. How tempting he was! But how not hers he was. That sentence seemed quite awkward. Inside, she was grieving, wishing for a way to make him completely hers. But what was the point of resisting such a nice wine as it was his body and try to make herself a martyr? None. So she took a large sip from her cup and went straight to kiss him.

“Say that you love me and you can have me for another night,” she said, pressing her lips to his ear as he took off her pants.

“I love you,” he said slowly, savoring the taste of victory in one kiss.

kakagirl wrote:Heya
I love your story.
You have really advanced punctuation and grammer, and I can't mention any other mistakes then the ones already made,there really are not that many!
I want to Know what happens, so please continue writing!! I love the storyline-You have got me hooked..
Its a unique piece and I feel you really have a talent.
I love your sense of suspense!

I'm no expert but I think you really have a talent..
luv kakagirl x