Kidnapped

Rough Draft, i need to know if people are interested before I continue the story





How did this happen? I shook my head, unable to comprehend what had happened to me. My brain felt all fuzzy and distant. I couldn't concentrate on anything. Every time a thought came into my mind, my head began to throb and pound until the thought was gone. I tried lifting my arms to find the knots that bound my arms to the table were incredibly tight. My hands were all tingly, I was sure the blood was getting cut off. The same thing greeted me when I tried to lift my legs. My feet had fallen asleep and the rope that held me was biting into my skin painfully. The blindfold over my eyes prevented me from seeing where I was and what time of day it was. The rag in my mouth rendered helpless from screaming for help. I could taste the rust from the old rag as i struggled not to gag. It was too big for me to spit out and i started to hyperventilate feeling like i wasn't getting enough air. I didn't know where I was or even if my family knew I was missing. I knew only two things. First, my day with my boyfriend has ended with a shot and me being knocked unconscious. Second, the person who has kidnapped me, is my best friend

Hey there! The name's Irish and I shall review for you!

Now this is really short, so I can't do that well of a review, but I can tell you what stuck out at me. Ya? Ya.

I shook my head, unable to comprehend what had happened to me.

I think you need a comma there.

I tried lifting my arms to find the knots that bound me arms to the table were incredibly tight.

I think you meant "my"?

The blindfold over my eyes prevented my from seeing where I was and what time of day it was.

I think you mean "me"?

The gag in my mouth rendered helpless from screaming for help

I think you're missing a word here...

Second, the person who has kidnapped me, was my best friend

The tense changes there, instead of it being present-tense like the rest of the passage is, that's past-tense, which can easily confuse the reader. (Don't worry, its pretty easy to fix ) To make it present-tense, trying switch it from "was" to "is".

Well that's all I got! Hope this helped some! PM me if you have any questions.

Keep up the good work!
- Irish

I like it actually. I think that you should add a little more description. Make me feel her fear and confusion. Make me feel like I'm also being gagged. Sorry I don't have much time for a full reply, but I like this!

its great id love to do your reviewing for you and be your editor so if you would send me your drafts before you post them so i can look at them
-dragons

There i edited it a little bit

Personally, I loved it! It was a hooker from the begining. I would love to see this as a novel. Of course I do agree with the errors pointed out but with a little editing It would make a great novel. I wish you the best of luck and remind you to please reveiw my own works.

Ok, this is great for a draft. The only thing thats wrong with It is the fact that you dont really set a background, you do however make the reader feel pulled In. With a few changes on the grammer and background setting this could really come to shape. Keep up!

Review is in BOLD, comments in italics.

How did this happen? I shook my head, unable to comprehend what had happened to me. My brain felt all fuzzy and distant. Nice description I couldn't concentrate on anything. Every time a thought came into my mind, my head began to throb and pound until the thought was gone. I tried lifting my arms to find the knots that bound my arms to the table were incredibly tight. My hands were all tingly, I was sure the blood was getting cut off. The same thing greeted me when I tried to lift my legs. My feet had fallen asleep and the rope that held me was biting into my skin painfully. The blindfold over my eyes prevented me from seeing where I was and what time of day it was. The rag in my mouth rendered helpless from screaming for help. I could taste the rust from the old rag as i struggled not to gag. It was too big for me to spit out and i started to hyperventilate feeling like i wasn't getting enough air. I didn't know where I was or even if my family knew I was missing. I knew only two things. First, my day with my boyfriend has ended with a shot and me being knocked unconscious. Second, the person who has kidnapped me, is my best friend Oooh cliff hanger

Really loved this and I think you should definately turn it into a novel... it's really good! Keep on writing!