A Butterfly.

A Butterfly.

A butterfly isn't born a butterfly.

It starts out, a lowly caterpillar,
crawling around, unnoticed.

But soon, it curls up, into a tiny
shield. Blocking itself from the
light shining in. Almost as if magic,
it emerges from this shell, as beautiful
as anyone could ever imagine.

And when this butterfly is discovered,
even though you may barely know what
causes it, you still want to know more.

Soon, you find out,
little by little,
more about this young
butterfly.

And it gets bigger, eventually blooming
into more and more butterflies. Soon,
you feel so fluttery inside that you do not
know what to do,
except go on, waiting for the right moment
to say

"hello."

A Butterfly.

Hey. Welcome to YWS. I thought this poem was a good try for a first post. It had a good idea to the poem, and you also had a good format. What you would say, thought, is think about where you separate each line. Try to make it, so that when you read it through, you read through smoothly and feel that it flows well. This area could use a little work.

The other thing I would say, is that it seems a little lacking in imagery. Try to describe what you are saying, so that you not only read what is said, but also feel and imagine what you are trying to say. But you did well for a first effort.

You you want me to expand on what I said, have any questions, or just want me to review something else, feel free to PM me. I'll be happy to look at what you want me to look at.

Hello there and welcome once again.

I thought this poem lacked a lot of poetic elements and at times it seemed as if I was reading an abstract or idea of a poem. Like kingolions mentioned, there was very little imagery. I also thought it lacked that spark to make it fantastic and different. However, I like the poem when I make it out as a metaphor, especially real human life; there are some butterflies out there that go through the same transitions.

Keep writing and I'm looking forward to more work from you.

Thank you! I wrote this a very long time ago, but I kept coming back to it, so I decided to post it and see what everyone thought.

I might try to rewrite it and maybe post it again.

Hey there. I really think this is nicely written especially for a first try. It's really unique. I hope I can read this again when ever you re-write it. By the way welcome to YWS!

Have I ever told you how much I love your avatar? The lads are HYPNOTIZING. And no, I am not going to critique everything you write just because of The Beatles... really. >.>

*obsessed*

Anyway! Nice first poem... I want to see you rewrite it! Try making it more subtle! Like, you're trying to describe how the butterfly is not a butterfly at first... but that's fairly obvious from your description! So you don't have to say, "A butterfly isn't born a butterfly." We see that already from your description of the caterpillar. So just use the description! It'll be more awesome anyway.

Hi EleanorRigby,

I've got three words to describe what I think about this poem, 'Arw how nice.'

This is so true, and I'm guessing you are relating a butterfly to a special someone in particular..
This poem is very descriptive, clear and concise. I like your choice of adjectives, it really makes the poem come to life.
It's good how you took something so small and everyday like ( as in the growth of a caterpillar ) , and turned it into this cute poem.

Keep up the good work!

Try giving more reviews it will help with your feedback on your submitted poems! It definitely helped me