Dear Diary 17/2/95
They were saying stuff again today. Mostly Sara and James. I wonder if they know how much it hurts? I wonder if they know that every time they call me a name, or trip me up, or chuck things at me it’s like something weighing down my heart. Making me feel like nothing, like I shouldn’t even belong in thins world any longer.
Melanie xx
Dear Diary 21/2/95
I found out today that James is going out with my sister. We got into an argument over it, I told her to dump him. But she says that he’s really nice and that I’m overreacting. She doesn’t understand, nobody understands. Or maybe they just don’t care, it feels that way sometimes. Like the whole world is ganging up on me.
Melanie xx
Dear Diary 23/2/95
I wasn’t doing anything to urge them on, in fact I hadn’t even talked to them. Some girls in class started yelling stuff at me, inappropriate stuff like, slut, bitch and hore. I ignored them, even when they started firing spit balls at me. The teacher didn’t say anything. She pretended she hadn’t noticed. Me against the world. Yet again.
Melanie xx
Dear Diary 25/2/95
I cried infront of them today, they laughed and called me a whimp. The chocolate yogurt they tipped on me is still matted in my hair now. It’s all dry and hard, making it stick together in clumps. I didn’t tell mum, she would only ring the school and that wouldn’t help things. My heart aches all the time now. Mostly from loneliness. It hurts to know they don’t like me for no reason, most don’t know a single thing about me.
M xx
Dear Diary 27/2/95
The attention was adverted from me for awhile today. They found someone else to pick on, someone else they could make feel small and insecure.
M xx
Dear Diary 1/3/95
I’ve go it worked out!
Definition of ‘popular’, Someone who thinks they are either pretty or hot. The girls act dumb and pile on make-up to get the attention from the guys. The guys are more mellow about it, just pulled along by the flow. Most of them play sports and don’t get caught less than decent or doing something ‘uncool’ like reading or homework. And most of them are bullies.
The dictionaries definition is, “regarded with favour, approval or affection, by people in general.” --- if only they knew.
Dear Diary 3/3/95
I got a new nickname today, it’s Meltard. Like retard but with the start of my name in front of it. It got around the school in less than one period.
Meltard xx
Dear Diary 5/3/95
I HATE the ‘populars’!! I HATE stereotypes!! I wish everyone could live in a world where everyone is treated as equals. But we all know that, that is impossible.
Melanie xx
Dear Diary 7/3/95
I was so close at yelling at Sara today. She’s a blonde haired, blue eyes slut who all the boys like. She treats me like shit, like I don’t have feelings. Some times she even treats her friends that way, so I wouldn’t really call her a friend, more like an acquaintance. It was mufti day today at school, I wore my favourite jeans, a plain black hoodie and a hat. She made fun of my hat, she asked me why I was wearing it. I just said, “Cause I can.” – everyone laughed at me again. Why does it matter to them what I wear?
Melanie xx
Dear Diary 10/3/95
The populars are mean to everybody. They walk around looking down their noses at the nerds and un cool people. They snigger about the way we walk, talk, look and eat. What do they get out of this? Does it make them feel good?
Mel xx
Dear Diary 20/3/95
I haven’t been writing much lately, I couldn’t be bothered. I’m feeling worse lately. It feel like the whole world is crushing my shoulders. I wake up in the mornings wishing the day was already over. Wishing I could close my eyes and just drift away…
Mel xx
Dear Diary 23/3/95
I can hardly drag myself out of bed in the mornings now. Mum’s starting to notice something is wrong. She rang the school yesterday – to see if they have noticed anything. They said they hadn’t.
Liars.
Mel xx
Dear Diary 25/3/95
I’m fat!
It’s taken me forever to notice. But James – my sisters boyfriend – pointed it out today. My mum said to ignore him and I’m a perfectly healthy weight. What does she know?! My butt’s bigger than every girls in the class and my face is huge! I’m going to cut back on the food.
Mel xx
Dear Diary 1/4/95
I fainted in assembly today – the nurse told my mum it was from lack of food. She weighed me in at 39kg. Everyone found this shocking for my age of fifteen, but my butt is small now. =) I’m happy.
M xx
Dear Diary 4/4/95
Mum’s making sure I’m eating. My sisters calling me a freak for going all anorexic on her. She wouldn’t know anything! She’s pretty and skinny and one of ‘them’. She doesn’t know how I feel, nobody does!
Mel xx
Dear Diary 7/4/95
List of things that are wrong with me.
1 – I’m still fat. 2 – My pimples wont go away (all the other girls have none) 3 – I’m too white. 4 – My arms are too hairy. 5 – I’m ugly.
So far this is all that’s been pointed out by people. I’m sure there will be more
M xx
Dear Diary 9/4/95
I pulled my scarf around my neck really tight on the way to school today. It felt good, the way my oxygen slowly began to become limited.
Mel xx
Dear Diary (who cares about the date)
Everybody hates me! I’m alone in the world. I think everyone would be better off without me. I’ve decided what I’m going to do. I’ve got everything set up.
M xx
Dear Diary 21/4/95
James laid the icing on the cake today. Metaphorically speaking of course. I got in his way at school, he shoved me out, sending me falling to the ground, making everyone laugh. He said, “Get out of the fucking way! You’re so annoying. I don’t want to see your face again!”
Maybe he ment just for that day, or at least until he was in a better mood. But either way it was the last piece to my puzzle.
Mel xx
Dear Diary 22/4/95
Happy Birthday to me! Today is the day. Weekends are always best. I don’t have to go to school and get humiliated hour after agonizing hour. No body’s home at the moment, they are all at work till lunch time. I’m nice enough to leave a note, telling them I love them and why I’ve done it. I’ve filled up the bath with freezing cold water; I shivered when I put my finger in it before. It seemed right to do it today. Leave the world on the day I entered it. Forever frozen at sixteen.
Melanie Tahlia Little xx
Dear Diary 22/4/95
I killed myself today. Do you think they’ll notice?
Meltard
I'm not, I'm not! Hehe. Besides the one (or two?) main con(s): This was pretty well written. I liked the whole signature idea, and you did a fairly good job describing most of the scenes.
