Hey guys. I'm starting this new novel. It sprang into my head today and this is what I have so far. I know there's probably typos and grammatical errors, but I'm more curious as to whether you find the story interesting or too confusing, general stuff like that. Thanks!
Kieran stared up at the stars, completely engrossed in the feel of them. She had often felt alone in her life, but nothing compared to the way the sky made every living thing, every major detail of her life, seem unimportant. It was one of Kieran’s favorite thing to do when she was upset or forlorn, staring at the stars. There was an odd sense of comfort in knowing that no matter what happened to her, or even to the whole collection of people she knew, that the stars would go on unchanged. They were completely unaffected by her minuscule little life. That helped her focus her mind and squash her problems and pains into a more manageable package.
A cool breeze blew over her, ruffling her feathers gently. In the far distance, the sky grew lighter and she knew she would have to go back soon. She had been Topside far too long and no doubt her family was worried about her.
They always worried when she went Topside, and she did so very often. It was beautiful, flourishing with all the color and vibrancy that the caverns lacked. It was the one place were she wasn’t the blind girl, but instead, the gifted one. The only place she felt lucky to be different.
She heard a scratching rising up from the tunnel behind her. She sighed as her friend tentatively approached the hole in the rock face that she had crawled through. Even the bravest of Cave Dwellers was frightened of the Topside. And that included Lucien.
“Kieran? It’s nearly dawn,” his voice called to her. It was warm and strong, but she knew exactly what he felt and meant. Ever since she had started to grow into a more womanly body, she knew things that perhaps she should not. She could read people’s voices, or at least that’s how she thought of it. She knew when people lied, or told a mistruth, or withheld something, but only when they spoke. If they kept silent, then she had not a clue. She couldn’t explain it, and was just beginning to get used to it, years later.
“Lucien?” she called back, her own voice thoughtful. “Do you believe what we’ve always been told? About the sun?”
Lucien pulled himself through the narrow mouth of Kieran’s tunnel, trying to get a clearer sense of her. Sometimes, he knew, that Kieran had wild thoughts, dangerous thoughts. “Do we have to do this now? You know exactly what I believe, don’t you? Why do you even question me?”
Kieran paused, watching his face. He was handsome, her friend Lucien. Not only did he have that strong warm voice that the rest of the girls cooed over, but Kieran alone could see that his face, his coloring, his expressions were just as mesmerizing. His hair was a black as the caverns themselves, and hung long, flowing past his shoulders and over a powerful set of leathery, black wings. The fine hair of his wings was black as well, and glinted in the light of the stars. His skin was an extremely muted shade of copper, that looked to her as if it wished to be stronger, but was repressed by something. His eyes, though, were the same dull white-grey the other Cave Dwellers she had seen in the light had.
“Kieran?” Lucien’s furrowed brows, and mashed line of mouth amused her. She wondered why the Dwellers were so afraid of the light. They didn’t even light fires to cook with, for crying out loud!
“Forgive me, Lucien,” she said with a smile. “My mind is wandering again.”
He snorted. “Let’s just hope your wings don’t follow,” he said. Behind his words, Kieran knew that he wondered if she ever flew beyond the caverns, into the Great Nothingness above the ground.
“I haven’t. I’m too afraid that I won’t come back,” she answered quietly.
She waited for him to say more, but he didn’t. He was holding his thoughts from her. “Come on,” was all she got from him.
She sighed and crawled in after him. In silence, she watched him descend head-first into the darkness until it closed up around him and she could only hear his presence. Climbing didn’t come anywhere as easily for her. She wasn’t built for it, like he was. She didn’t have the strong, thick talons that pierced into the stone and held her weight - only twenty soft, rounded digits with uselessly thin nails. Even her wings were useless to her in the caverns. Instead of wings that mimicked the flexible, taloned wings of bats, like the Dwellers had, the wings that rose from Kieran’s back were huge and cumbersome, and sheathed in feathers. They were even more useless than her clawless fingers and toes.
Distracted by her own self-pity, Kieran missed the foothold she knew was somewhere beneath her, and struggled to keep her hold in the sharp rock face. Before her feet could find a secure place, her finger’s began to slide. She could feel the skin peel away from her calloused fingertips, and cringed. Then, there was no more strength in her delicate hands and gravity claimed her. It pulled her down until she was plummeting towards the bottom of the tunnel, and Lucien. She threw out all her limbs, knowing that the tunnel wasn’t very wide, and her wings began to catch the jagged walls around her. She cried out as her wings slid against the rock and her feathers were uprooted and torn from her.
Then a force hit her from beneath, catching her weight and stopping her slide with a rough grunt. She could feel his muscles quiver, but Lucien held her steady.
“Lucien,” she gasped. She wanted to move, to get control, but she was afraid that moving would make Lucien lose his grip on her. It was a long way to the cavern floor and she wasn’t sure her wings could catch her before she hit bottom, especially now that they burned through and through.
“I’ve got you,” he answered, his voice gruff but honest. “Can you get a good hold?”
The light didn’t reach them this far down. Kieran was as blind down here as the Dwellers would be in the Great Nothingness. “I can’t see. I have to feel for one.”
Lucien groaned, and Kieran knew that for a moment he had forgotten her blindness. He, along with all the other Dwellers, had a form of echolocation that gave them a sense of their surroundings. Kieran did not.
“Here.” Lucien took her right hand as if she were a child or puppet and placed it over a nice chunk of stone that jutted out from the wall. Kieran could still feel his left hand braced against her back and knew that he was holding both his and her weight with his legs and wings. Ignoring the searing pain in her fingertips, she flexed her arm and tried to relieve Lucien of some of his burden.
“Another good one is at my left foot. Can you find it?”
Kieran focused, running her bare foot along Lucien’s leg until she felt it turn to foot, then searched for the hold. There, she had it. She pulled her weight away from Lucien and felt his hot breath as he sighed with relief. Careful to avoid hitting Lucien, she folded her wings tightly against her back. They cried out in protest, but she forced herself to ignore it.
“Thank you,” she said, waiting for him to start back down, but he didn’t.
Instead he said: “Kieran, sometimes I forget how different you are.”
She was too stunned even to read whatever was behind those words. “You must be joking, to say such a thing when The Calling is only a day away. It could be no more obvious than it is now.”
She knew he shook his head as he spoke. “You put too much in The Calling.”
“And you don’t put enough,” she answered roughly. “Tomorrow you will hear the song of some beautiful girl that you never noticed before and you will meet your soul mate.”
“No,” he said. Behind his plain refusal was confusion. He knew that it would happen just as she said, but he didn’t want to believe it. He had loved Kieran from the time she was found wandering the forest by a brave group of hunters. She was somewhere near five, and he near eight, and he could still remember feeling her otherness for the first time. He had always loved her for it, and for the strength she had always shown despite it.
Kieran loved him, too, even though she had enough sense to know she shouldn’t. But, unlike Lucien, she was resigned to the fact that she was soon to lose him. The only thing she struggled with was the thought that she would have to endure him and his new love, and remain alone.
She sighed and shook the melancholy thoughts from her mind. She could feel Lucien’s presence tickle over her skin. He was waiting for her to say more.
“You’ll be happy, Lucien. I promise.”
“I -,” he stopped himself. They’d had this argument too many times, especially as The Calling grew closer. Kieran had heard his voice fill with emotion, and most times he just kept talking as if he wanted her to feel everything in his mind at the moment. But, during these arguments, she pushed his thoughts away the best she could. They were too painful for her. She didn’t want to keep them in her even when he was no longer hers.
“Just once, Kieran? Please?”
She pushed his thoughts away. “No.”
“Kieran?”
“Lucien, my fingers hurt. Can we get down now?” She asked, hoping he would move out of her way and let her escape.
But Lucien was too bull-headed for that.
She felt his wings spread over her and knew that Lucien could hold his own weight with just his wings easily. The rock bit into her fingers as she clutched to it closer, she knew what was coming. His arms wrapped around her, pulling her to his chest. She tried to resist, but he was stronger than her. Finally, she had to release her grip on the rock and allow him to spin her around to face him.
“This is not the same, Lucien. And you know it. Don’t do this,” she pleaded tiredly. Her emotions had been battling inside her for weeks now, and she was exhausted.
“This is all I have. All you give me.” His breathing was heavy and hot, and his face very near hers.
“I’m not giving. You’re taking.” She knew she should be afraid, but she wasn’t. She trusted Lucien, despite his quick tempered and forceful nature.
“If I must,” he whispered. Then his mouth was on hers, forceful and surprising. It stole the breath from her, causing her to flinch back and strain away from him. His hand found the back of her head and held her still. He wasn’t letting her go. This was his last chance. Then, his anger and force turned into something else - desperation. He knew he would let her go eventually.
She couldn’t help it, but as Lucien’s anger faded away and she knew that he was scared and hurt and grieving for the life with her that he’d never have, she melted to him. She felt the same way, and all of a sudden, the hot, wet mixture of mouth on mouth was how they expressed that to each other. Kieran’s long legs wrapped around his waist and she clung to him as his hands roved over her body. This was his way of really seeing her - for the first and last time.
Then, their kisses became softer and slower and they were saying goodbye to each other. Lucien bent his forehead to hers and just breathed her in. Kieran touched his face, wondering if it was hot and wet with his tears, or her own.
“You have to let me go,” she whispered to him. Even as the words pained her, she knew she was right for them.
He shook his head. His long hair swung, sticking to all the damp skin it could find - hers or his. She smiled and pushed it back over his shoulder, away from their faces.
“Come, wipe your face and let’s go home. I’m tired.” And she was, all of a sudden. Exhaustion had set in and it ached in her every muscle, especially the raw and bloodied digits.
She heard him swallow and felt him nod. He made sure she had good footholds before letting her go and climbing down first. She knew that he was only a few feet below her, probably keeping close tabs on her slow progress. Most of her energy went into trying to resist making small sounds spurred by her pain. She didn’t want him to hear, and he had exceptional hearing.
Finally, she felt the difference in the air that marked the opening of her tunnel and to The Den. Kieran always felt a little lost while in the den. It was too big and too empty. It didn’t have any landmarks for her to go by when navigating through it. Unfortunately, it was where most of the Dweller’s slept and they weren’t very appreciative of the little blind girl stumbling around, disturbing their rest. So, when she was first taken in, they found her a niche in the wall that was big enough to house her with room to spare. It was conveniently located close to the dining cavern and the bathing rooms. No more waking them in the middle of the day because she had to go potty.
It was Lucien that had showed her the tunnel leading Topside. He had meant to scare her as the other children were scared, but she wasn’t. She was only adventurous and curious and had forced him to help her explore.
That was many years ago, and now Kieran knew the way back to her niche by heart and let her sore wings glide her down to it. A thin curtain hung in her doorway. It made no sense, she knew. No one could see down here, and she was pretty sure that it didn’t affect the Dwellers’ echolocation, but somehow it made her feel more secure.
Without much thought at all, Kieran stumbled into her room and let herself fold into her hammock. As her muscles tried to decide whether they were relieved or still pained, Kieran realized that what she wanted most was a bath…well, second most, she thought as her eyes started to sag and her mind fuzzed.
For just an instant, her mind sharpened enough to remember that the next night was The Calling, to wonder where Lucien went and if he was okay, and then to push her pain away. She folded it neatly and set it in a raft, pushing it away to float in the distance. That’s when her mind decided that without the pain, it had nothing more to do. So she slept.
