The Art Of Wishing (first 500 words)

Any critique is welcome

What do people think about the moment before they die? What thoughts ran through the mind during that second they straddled the thin line between existence and non-existence, the moment they were simultaneously alive and dead? More importantly, what was dad’s final thought?

Did he think of me? Of us? About the life I would be forced to live in his absence. Did he think of molly? Did he think of her uneven teeth which she tried to hide in photos? Or did he reminisce about her laugh? Did he foresee the absence of laughter in our lives?

In that moment of overwhelming adrenalin, who was the last person my dad thought of? As selfish as it sounds, I couldn’t bare to imagine anyone but me. At that fatal moment were his lungs expanded and contracted for the last time, it was my name that I wanted at the tip of his tongue. My voice ringing in his ear. My face blurring his vision as death hurdled towards him. And as odd as it sounds, I would have broken into more pieces than I am made of if my dad’s final thought were about my mother. But if one was to know my mother, than this would not sound as odd.

Out of all the emotions that could have crippled my dad, I know fear was not one of them. This I am certain of. In seventeen years, I have never met a man more prepared for death than my dad. Maybe he wasn’t more prepared, but more aware. Human’s extraordinary ability to ignore their impending death is one of the many man flaws I learnt from my dad. With each breath I die a little, but I used to simply choose to ignore this fact. The one thing I could be sure of in life was death, but I simply ignored death. It could not touch me, I used to think but by touching dad it has gotten me worse than I could have ever imagined.

Since dad’s murder, others call it an accident which I do not understand as Dad was killed by a hit and run driver, I was surrounded by death. I reeked of it. My voice was clouded by death. I heard sounds with the undertone of death. I saw the world as a person touched by death only could.

Soon I will be able to overcome the man flaw of ignorance to death. How could I not?

This is very deep. Your main character is unusually thoughtful and is also human. Your writing is descriptive without going overboard or losing the reader in long paragraphs. You offer a good set up for the rest of the story.
My only suggestion is to make your last sentence say "human flaw" instead of "man flaw". It just seems to read more smoothly. Nice job.

Hello, wariofart here for a review. I'm learning how to write just like everyone here, so please take my critics with a grain of salt!

geekyamna wrote:What do people think about the moment before they die? What thoughts ran through the mind

You changed tenses here from present to past. So change "ran" to "run".

geekyamna wrote:More importantly, what was dad’s final thought?
Did he think of molly?

CAPITALIZE names.

geekyamna wrote:In that moment of overwhelming adrenalin, who was the last person my dad thought of? As selfish as it sounds, I couldn’t bare to imagine anyone but me. At that fatal moment were his lungs expanded and contracted for the last time, it was my name that I wanted at the tip of his tongue. My voice ringing in his ear. My face blurring his vision as death hurdled towards him.

I liked this section a lot.

geekyamna wrote:But if one was to know my mother, than this would not sound as odd.

Try and rephrase this sentence, it sounds odd and choppy.

geekyamna wrote:Human’s extraordinary ability to ignore their impending death is one of the many man flaws I learnt from my dad.

Try and rephrase this. Perheap like "...is one of the many flaws of man that I learned from my dad."

geekyamna wrote:It could not touch me, I used to think, but by touching dad it has gotten me worse than I could have ever imagined.

(add a comma)

geekyamna wrote:Since dad’s murder, others call it an accident which I do not understand as Dad was killed by a hit and run driver, I was surrounded by death.

This sentence feels choppy, and it is a run-on sentence. Split it into two sentences.

Overall, this story has some really nice and philosophical moments in it. But you have to work on phrasing sentences better. The flow of a story is very important, and to me this was a bit too choppy.
Also, capitalize "Dad" as that is his name. If you say "my dad", you don't have to capitalize it. Keep going, I'd like to see how this continues!