Amelia-Chapter 2 (part 1?)

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I started typing a second chapter, then decided to stop and just see what people thought. You can check out the previous chapter here: post730461.html#p730461
I might decide to make the first post a prologue and this the first chapter, I'm not sure. Let me know? :)


~

“And that’s how you turn things to stone,” Mr. Dobsen smiled proudly at the class. He was like a child, so proud of his own accomplishments that he failed to recognize accomplishments of those around him; in this case, the class of teenagers huddled in groups around blades of grass laid out on wooden tables.

They were all doing exceptionally well, which was no surprise. Mr. Dobsen had one of the best Think classes in the world. Credit usually goes to the teacher in cases of overachieving students, but in this case it was widely known that Mr. Dobsen was one of the worst teachers in Think history.

That didn’t mean he was a bad person; on the contrary, Mr. Dobsen was one of the most respected members of his circle. He just wasn’t very good at filling his students with knowledge.

So why, then, was his class one of the best in the world? Experts were still searching for the answer, although quite a few theories already existed.

One was the location. Dobsen’s class was located in a wealthy suburb outside of Manhattan. It attracted, naturally, wealthy students from either Manhattan or the suburb itself. These students were raised by wealthy, classy, elegant parents who strived to be the best at everything they did. These traits were thus passed on to their children.

Another was simply Mr. Dobsen’s nature. He was trusted and respected by his students, and many argued that students would push themselves just so he would be proud of them.

The list goes on, but the fact and the point remains that no one really had any idea why Mr. Dobsen’s class was so talented. It just was.

~

Amelia closed her eyes and let the feeling of power wash over her. It was second nature to her now: bringing everything she’d ever learned to the forefront of her mind. Some students her age still struggled with bringing even the smallest piece of past information to mind, and it was very rare for a Thinker of only 16 to be able to do what Amelia did so naturally.

Someone put a hand on her shoulder and the feeling vanished. She squeezed her eyes tighter in annoyance.

“Hey there,” Roger’s voice bubbled into her unwilling ears. “I brought butter today.”

When she didn’t answer, he felt the need to explain. “You were eating toast yesterday?” He prompted. When she still didn’t answer, he went on. “And all you had was jam and I said that toast tastes so much better with butter and jam and you didn’t believe me—well, you didn’t really say you didn’t believe me but you just kind of sat there so I assumed you didn’t believe me—so I brought some butter here for you and some toast and jam just in case you brought something else like a salad that would taste absolutely awful with butter and jam wouldn’t it? So I brought some back up just in case you decided to change it up a bit which I figured was very likely since a lot of people don’t eat the same thing for lunch every day. I mean, I don’t. Yesterday I had a sandwich—I don’t remember what was on it, to tell you the truth—and today, I have a salad! And of course I also brought toast and jam but that’s not for me remember, that’s your backup.”

Amelia opened her eyes and eyed the stick of butter, soggy toast, and warm jam that Roger had spread out in front of her and was slowly edging closer to her elbow.

He beamed when he saw she was looking at the food. Amelia looked up at him, her expression completely blank, and he smiled even wider.

“Hi,” he said. “I was worried you had done one of those things where you like died with your eyes open.”

Amelia continued to look at him blankly.

“You know?” He continued, unperturbed. “I saw it on a show once. People are sitting there normally and all of sudden--”

But he never got to finish his sentence because Amelia had gotten up and left him there, sitting at an empty lunch table, surrounded by too much food with an utterly pathetic expression of hurt surprise.

~

“She’s very different, you know. Doesn’t concern herself with anything that’s not necessary for her education.”

“That’s why she does so well, I suppose.”

“No, that’s not it. Not it at all. It’s pure talent she has, I can see that. Of course she’s a hard worker but she’s a hard worker because of all that natural talent.”

Amelia padded softly closer to the door. She pressed her palms flat on the cool stone surface and rested her head there as well.

“I just don’t know what to do with her,” she could hear Mr. Dobsen. “She’s gone through at least five mothers in the past two years. This last one we really thought would work out; she’d been with her for nearly a year. But she just doesn’t want to settle down.”

“What other choice does she think she have?” Amelia couldn’t figure out what the other person was.

Mr. Dobsen shrugged. “I have no idea, and I don’t know how to find out, either.”

“What about her counselor?”

“Laurie? I highly doubt Amelia confides in her, and if she did, Laurie isn’t telling us.”

“Well Laurie needs to tell us, and Amelia needs to confide in us. Get her a new counselor if need be. This girl thinks she can just decide to go against our way of life. I absolutely cannot stand kids like that. They think they’re the exception to everything.”

~
You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.




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It's me here to review again, obviously!


Here's the only critique I have for you. And it's really, really, small.

Drawers wrote:had any idea why Mr. Dobsen’s class was so talented. It just was.
The second sentence should be "They just were", since you don't call a class of people "it". This was probably a mistake you didn't see.

This was very good. I love Roger already, his speech, and Amelia's reaction. That was great! You characterized both of them so well in here, and I already learned so much more about Amelia.

Drawers wrote:I might decide to make the first post a prologue and this the first chapter, I'm not sure. Let me know? :)


I don't totally understand what you mean, but I think you should just leave everything the way it is, and make this chapter two and the last post chapter one, since the first post isn't really a prologue, in my opinion, since a prologue is generally an intro/even a whole little, sort of separate story that just sparks interest.

Hope I helped!

~KD
Perfect things in life aren't things.
Spoiler
*_______*




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I noticed you already had the second chapter up, so here I am. Look at my review of the previous chapter if you haven't already.

Only a quick few comments concerning what you've done to improve.

1. There was a bit more description here compared to the last chapter which is very good!
a. Physical description was still left hanging in this chapter, but nothing to worry about yet.
b. Personality was once again expressed very well.
c. Setting a bit more than before, but an improvement could be seen.

2. Dialogue was very good again so probs for that.

3. The breaks in between viewpoints seemed to flow good enough.

Sorry it wasn't detailed, but that's all I had to point out.

~Day
"If the king doesn't lead, how can he expect his subordinates to follow?"



When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave the world wondering how you did it.
— Grace Helbig