Daughter of the Air

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Author's note: This story is inspired by the ending of the Anderson fairytale in which the mermaid is transformed into an air spirit. In Anderson's version of the tale, the mermaid is given a choice at the end: to kill the prince in order to become a mermaid again or jump into the waves and perish as sea foam. She still loves the prince and chooses not to kill him but as she jumps to her death, she is transformed into an air spirit for her kindness. Gifted/cursed air spirits wander the earth as each child's smile brings them closer to entering an immortal life whilst each tear they witness has them remain as an air spirit. So I thought I'd explore that below :) :


She held her breath as her hand touched Jonah. The child shuddered as if a breeze had kissed his cheek, warmth gradually dwindling into the air. She stirred the child's hair in a familiar, ruffling motion. Sia bit her lip, watching him was not necessary. Still, she could not move her hand away.

The moon weighed heavily above. She could hear her new sisters whistling over the waves, hurtling back into the sea, only to find themselves pulled back, repelled by what they had become. They could only skim the waters, twist them through their weary dance and song.

No mortal skin to tear. Wryly, she realised she had already thrown herself into the sea for an eternal gift, an eternal torture more like. He slid next to her, not stirring the air to interrupt her and Jonah's companionship. She eyed him warily. He gifted her with a rare albeit sardonic smile.

“Extending your watch.” Sia nodded once.

“They encourage us not to visit the ones we knew.” Her hand stilled.The feather breath motion stopped. She looked at him. He realised that she was barely containing a glare. He backed away from the harsh gaze, taking in the objects of the moonlit room. Fine, sepia drenched maps hung on the bedroom wall. She heard him scoff over the drawings of their people.

“Really, you'd think our women and men were this hairy (he gestured towards the figures draping the marked seas and gave another huff that whipped the objects in the room) and needed human forks to declare our authority. These humans have odd imaginations, then again, they don't see very well. ” Sia imagined that Coal frequently flushed red in his time as a human. She continued to look on balefully. The force of her gaze having cooled as she resumed watching over Jonah. When one cannot speak, many of her company seemed content to over run the conversation. Her hand moved to touch her throat expectantly. The autumn season had run in and out as fast as the oldest wind. Once the ice fell, her voice would return.

“You know I don't mind that you come here, most don't.”

Sia sensed this was a clumsy attempt to warn her about the older spirits who were closer to breaching the unknown. Gradually, her hand stopped and her gaze left the child's face. It wasn't a warning she wanted to hear but for now, she would bear its truth. Turning away, she begun to run, her body sliding sideways through the cracks of the doors, treading as lightly as the cold wind that woke the people in the morning. Coal followed her, lazily expanding and dragging his feet so that the doors and winds rattled from within the castle. Sia threw him an annoyed look that chastised him marginally.

“It's not like the humans cared much for me when I was alive,” he whispered. Sia rolled her eyes in response. The sooner her voice returned, the better. Still, she wondered if it would come back as easily as the other air beings. She could try asking Coal later. Though, he wasn't very good at interpreting hand gestures.

*


Motioning through the light of the morning, Coal frowned as Sia's hands moved towards the trees, flicking their branches with ease before pointing to the bell tower and her own throat.

Luckily, Coal wasn't acting dim today. He smiled.

“Most likely tomorrow - it'll come back.” Sia's eyed widened in surprise, her mouth tipped upwards with a skeptical smile. Coal motioned back to the trees, their bare branches held scarce amounts of dripping snow. Perhaps, it was a warm enough day for a voice to return.

The elder beings flew down, shaking the thick grass plain with their arrival.

“You should be flying whilst you watch, dwelling amongst the people is not encouraged,” one commented absently, obviously more concerned with rejoining the flight of a morning wind. The thawing winter was of no concern to those with a voice.

Another being skimmed the plain with an additional sweep, creating a waving current of air.

“We need the young ones to accompany us in the wind bringing.”

Both Sia and Coal contained themselves. One could not argue with those who have tread and danced with the winds for this long. Drawing themselves upwards, they chased after the elder beings, causing a fresh cold wind to wash over the morning inhabitants. Over fields and then the ocean. Her body felt the familiar ache for the feel of water. Their ceaseless flight rocked the sea below. Sia heard the cacophany of voices that blew out at the meeting point of the ocean. Most were of the air realm, the elder beings singing the wind into being. Though some Mer voices trickled in, lapping over the sirenous howls in a murmuring sound.

One note held her still. Her older sisters' heads broke through the air as they once did the day of her mad dash towards the water. Their coral coloured eyes raked the air above as they sang, voices chiming in unison, normally unheard unless they sang for a sorrow shot with a memory of joy. So suddenly had the change been enacted. Their longing held greater sway over the sea than the so called sirens of the air. The elder winds has passed. Coal had hung back, watching Sia stay with sympathy. She longed to brush their hair with a breeze but she knew could not touch her first life without finally creating foam with this one. She listened until the sun blared harshly above and her sisters eventually dove back under the waves.

*


He had not cried once since her death. Nor had he smiled. She refused to increase or decrease her time until that moment. Coal said her loyalty was obsessive. She needed to move on to watch over another batch of small human beings if she wanted any chance of changing her condition. Though Coal knew better than to try to rush that change. It was hers to know and shape.

Jonah crouched near the edge of a rose bush, eyeing a red dragonfly that seemed to be content with riding on his shoulder. Though, it flitted and buzzed away at any attempt by him to touch it. Sia watched, hoping his expression would change. It had been months since her disappearance. The sudden thud of foot steps took her by surprise. Jonah's father had tackled him from behind, Jonah looked a little big like one of the fish with his mouth shaped in a large 'o'. Sia smiled. Her heart drawing upon another ache. Jonah tugged at his father's tunic, drawing him to the wall. The man smiled down with warm eyes. Sia watched them move towards a cracked bit of the wall. The man frowned when he saw the sea.

The other air beings squeezed through the hole, carrying the salt and grit of the sea, drifting past the boy and his father. Jonah looked at him once before crawling into the wall. His father sharply called him back to no avail. Sighing, he made his way through another gate to cross the path to the sand. Jonah was testing out the water with his feet. The man edged towards the water, trying not to wince as the tide washed his feet gently every few steps. Slowly, he scooped a cup of salty water with his hand. Jonah copied him before raising the cup and throwing it at the crouched figure of his father. He laughed in surprise, flicking some of the water back. It stung Jonah's eyes causing a tear or two to trickle out along with a laugh. Sia watched them until they tired of the game and made their way back to the shore. She had learnt that Jonah wished to learn how to swim. Cautiously, his father agreed that they both could learn that skill from the ship folk. Sia smiled, she knew her child would be a natural.
Last edited by Paperwanderer on Thu Jul 01, 2010 2:33 am, edited 3 times in total.




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hi i'm pencil!
here to review i suspect your new since you have one post or maybe not.whatever, well your work is acceptable and well elaborated. you can work on creativity and vocabulary that makes your work extra special.i don't think their is much to critisize not that i am much of a critic but i have bad spellings, though yours are good. so keep writing and have more fresh ideas.
lots of luck,
pencil!




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wait you are a new member...welcome!




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pencilgirl wrote:wait you are a new member...welcome!


Thanks for the welcome and review, we're all here to improve our writing :)




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OMG OMG OMG Hans Christian Andersen *squee*

Hi! I'm Stella, and I'm YWS' resident fairytale fanatic- around the site you'll see I've started retellings of Rose Red and Snow White and The Twelve Dancing Princesses, though right now I'm working on a Rapunzel spin-off which ultimately has very little to do with Rapunzel (if you're interested there's a teaser in my blog, but no worries ;)) Anyway, welcome! It's great to meet you, and I'm very excited to read this!

Just a note- your review count is currently at zero. If you want to get more reviews and get more involved in the site in general, change that. The more you do, the more you get, what goes around comes around etc., it's all very relevant on YWS. So get reviewing!

Now. For what I'm here for.

I. NITPICKS

Unstuck, she held her breath as her hand touched Jonah.


Unstuck? What a weird word to start off with.

She felt her own bloodless hand stir the child's hair in a familiar, ruffling motion.


I don't understand how she feels her own hand doing this. It's just phrased weirdly.

“Really, you'd think our women and men were this hairy (he gestured towards the figures draping the marked seas and gave another huff that whipped the objects in the room) and needed human forks to declare our authority. These humans have odd imaginations, then again, they don't see very well. ”


You're missing a speech mark.

It wasn't a warning she wanted to hear but for now, she would bear it's truth.


its. Remember, its is a word like his or hers, it's is a contraction like he's or she's.

"It's not like the humans cared much for me when I was alive” he whispered.


Comma after "alice."
“You should be flying whilst you watch, dwelling amongst the people is not encouraged” one commented absently,


Again, comma after "encouraged."

sway over the sea then the so called sirens of the air.


than the.

Sia smiled, she knew her child would be a natural.


Ooh, I like that as a twist. My question is: she said he hadn't smiled or cried since her death, yet in that short passage he does smile. If that's who you're referring to. If not, I'm confused.

II. OVERALL

There wasn't much I could complain about. I loved your take on this. At times, you do seem a little too ambiguous, I love clarity in stories but you're obscuring everything. Some more details would be nice, like who Coal is. Perhaps also an explanation of what has happened to her- I know the fairytale so I know what you're talking about, but other people don't and it could cause confusion. But overall, you're very polished!

Hope I helped, if you want to ask me anything about the review or the site or anything, feel free to give me a shout!

-Stella x
"Stella. You were in my dream the other night. And everyone called you Princess." -Lauren2010




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Thanks for the awesome (thorough) review. I'll be sure to go through the nitpicks and changes soon to improve clarity. Also, I'll probably check out some of your stories (lol, fairytales do make me curious). I'll get on to improving my involvement too, this site seems pretty welcoming :)



Kindness is the language the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
— Mark Twain