By the Hands of a Wizard

My wife was my own construction
her parts found from different graves
all of them putrid and dead
I stiched the head to the neck and then put together the rest
I was left with a rotting mess
and the ugliest woman that i'd ever seen

So I gave her over to the hands of a wizard
his beard black as night and his skin like a lizard
in his darkest of rooms he raised her from the dead
and gave her back, flawless and clean
the price was twenty thousand plus tax
and my wife was worth ever cent
I gave the money to the withering wizard
then walked away holding a once dead hand

I looked into her eyes and saw the barrel of a gun
she gave me cold fellatio
and her smokin' hips left me bedazzled
she had the flesh of a queen
and the nicest curves I've ever seen

One day she stole my cash and ran off with another man
she left me without legs to walk on throughout my days
so I made another wife
and lived happily until she ate my eyes
leaving me blind and alive

Hey there, photo!

I love the idea you had behind this poem. Your first stanza is very eye-catching in the sense that it's distinctive from other poems. It had an air to it similar to Edgar Allen Poe's "Annabel Lee" poem. He was accused of being obsessive about dead people (among other things..). Though this was lacking in the romanticism that poem had, I think this is great! If not better.

I also enjoyed realistic scenarios you stuck into this. Sure, taking limbs isn't something you see everyday. But the new, undead wife leaving after her husband saved her was present-day enough. It's always important to put something in a story someone can relate to.

What bothered me the most though was the "i" 's. They were bugging me the whole time I read this and took away from the poetic story. Capitalize them. Please and thank you. ^_^

The only error that stuck out to me besides that was this-

and my wife was worth ever sent

I believe you meant 'cent'?

Keep up the good work and keep writing! If you have a question or want another review, feel free to PM me.

~Selene

There are a couple of grammatical errors, here, but I'm sure you will see that as you review this.

One or two things that bothered me while reading:
It seems you can't decide whether to rhyme or not =) Switching from rhyming to simple rhythm is very disorienting for the reader and it does nothing to enhance the poem. I stumbled every time you switched. I would be tempted to make this a rhyming piece, because it is simplistic and macabre and a little bizarre. If you want to make the theme a little darker, you could maybe go the other way.

I also was a little taken aback by the abruptness of the ending. Up until the last piece, it was well-paced and interesting, but I just felt let down at the end. It went so quickly that I had to reread a couple of times to understand what had happened, and the significance of it. If you lengthen it, involve the reader a little more, it will be stronger.

Creepy. But interesting =)

My wife was my own construction her parts found from different graves all of them putrid and dead I stiched stitched the head to the neck and then put together the rest I was left with a rotting mess and the ugliest woman that i'd watch your capitalization's! ever seen

it sounds kind of weird at the end and since you "made" her, you are the only one that saw her and how could she have skin when she was made from bones from other graves? just wondering...

So I gave her over to the hands of a wizard
his beard black as night and his skin like a lizard
in his darkest of rooms he raised her from the dead
and gave her back, flawless and clean
the price was twenty thousand plus tax
and my wife was worth ever cent
I gave the money to the withering wizard
then walked away holding a once dead hand

i thought this is your wife? so you are talking about the main character? it is a little confusing there for who is doing what...

I looked into her eyes and saw the barrel of a gun
she gave me cold fellatio
and her smokin' this is slang and poetry has no slang in it...teachers yell at me for this... hips left me bedazzled
she had the flesh of a queen
and the nicest curves I've ever seen

i like how you used the word "bedazzled" and "the flesh of a queen"...really good

One day she stole my cash and ran off with another man
she left me without legs to walk on throughout my days
so I made another wife
and lived happily until she ate my eyes
leaving me blind and alive

...i have to say that this one was really creepy...she ate his eyes?...weird and i like how you put in a modern-world twist here...that does happen in marriages and with girl/boy friends...

Hey faded,

I was glad of the creativity in this piece. It really shone through. After a pretty good opening stanza, however, this degenerated quite rapidly, and the later parts seemed like you didn't really know what to put so just went a bit random. I thought this had potential but then just became a bit morbid and weird. The thing is with shocking subject matters is that it only sustains interest for a while -- you need some kick-ass language behind it to back it up. This unfortunately almost exclusively relied upon the reader being weirded out by the whole thing, but there wasn't a whole else to it.

I think some sort of undercurrent of parody, or more humour, or anything below the surface, could turn this interesting idea into something a whole lot more.

Good luck.