Dreams- please review

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I dream of you day and night
Memories of us are still shining bright.
I skip from us happy to you saying goodbye.
I used to dream in colour, but now only black and white.
Let me see you once more, before you break my heart
Can't we go back to the way we were at the start.
We won't meet again if its not meant to be,
But i hope you'll be happy, and never forget me.
Last edited by Angel17 on Sat Jan 14, 2006 12:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Real poetry are those with the best words in the best order

~~~~~~~~Mandy~~~~~~~~~




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Well it's catchy. At the moment it seems little more than an outlet of angst, which I don't begrudge you, I do it often. But if you want to improve this poem, you have to make it your own. I could have written this. I didn't, but it's simple enough for me to copy the style. You need to put a bit of you into it, or not you-maybe you want to make it so it's not you speaking. Maybe it isn't. Maybe it's somebody else. I've read a lot of poems like this. You could make it longer, add description, metaphors, imagery, play around with the structure, the meter, the rhyming scheme, anything. Have fun with it.
Matt.



The person who has no opinion will seldom be wrong.
— Anonymous