Rhyme Scheme

ABAB,
CDCD
Letters,
Rhymes
I’m tired of
These weary words
Pressed to perfect
Melodies and
Schemes that leave
No room for emotion,
No room for me.
And maybe I’m just
A little claustrophobic
To find that things must be
So perfectly
ABAB
CDCD
But that’s just me.
Tired of this
[Box]
I’m forced to
Stay inside,
Told to
Color
In the lines
Already drawn
By other people
Who leave me
With nothing
Of me.
Just a simple
ABAB
CDCD
Rhyme scheme.

Hi! So I really liked this! I don't know much about poetry, but I know what I like, and I like this. I like how you made a box around the word box and colored the word color. I like the ABAB amd CDCD parts. So true. Anyways, speaks you while you speak about it not letting you through. Creative.

loveness, dia <3

Yea I really liked this too. I totally understand what you're saying by this xD. I always love it when people make poems look more artistic, like when you colored the word color, and boxed up the box. It was really nice! Also, your rhyming was good and it didn't feel constricted. Great job

I have to be honest:

A poem about poetry. Yay. And we're discussing rhyme schemes, too - did you consider maybe starting up a thread in 'Poetry Discussion and Tips'? Because this reads about as dry as an essay on the reactions of haloalkanes that are nucleophilic substitutions. You say that poetry that rhymes is restricting, binding, boxed in. Fine - I agree with you entirely. But this poem, in all its non-rhyming glory, does not show me why free verse is any better. There's no life nor colour to it - just a series of statements coming one after another. It lacks aesthetics, it lacks any sort of medium through which it can communicate its message - visuals (imagery), sound devices, symbols. It collects up the thoughts of the writer and throws them in front of us: naked, grey and unoriginal. If the content isn't original, the style should be to make up for it.

ABAB,
CDCD
Letters,
Rhymes
I’m tired of
These weary words
Pressed to perfect
Melodies and
Schemes that leave
No room for emotion,
No room for me.

This is grey, hence dull. There's no life in it - that ridiculous lethargy in 'I'm tired of these weary words' doesn't do much but make me tired of the poem already. You say melodies and schemes leave no room for emotion - agreed. Neither does this above poem, which is an example of free verse. To show that free verse works better than rhyme, you've actually got to make the free-verse poetry sound interesting. As it stands, it holds nothing to capture the reader's attention, to entrance them, to wow them. The one-to-four-word lines fall flat; they shove the moral down our throats without emphasising why we should believe it. I almost want to go and write some fun and magical rhyming poetry in opposition to this since it was so dull - and that's saying something, considering I haven't written it for years.

Think about rewriting this entirely. Yeah, 'ABAB / CDCD' is a different start, but its one that loses its appeal very quickly. Liken rhymes to something else - you've already used boxes later on, so why not expand on that? Why not describe a character running their hands over the inside of the box, trapped inside, thinking about the beautiful regularity of it all, realising they are confined, and then leaping out all of a sudden into the 'real world' of free-verse? Or why not have children playing merrily in a playground sandpit (effectively, a 'box') and likening the loss of innocence and acceptance of reality to the wild jungle outside the sandpit? Be creative - that's what free verse is about: don't just bore us with straight-faced businessman descriptions of how rhyme is ineffective. Make us really see the hate for rhyme, or the ridiculously fake playfulness of it.

And maybe I’m just
A little claustrophobic
To find that things must be
So perfectly
ABAB
CDCD
But that’s just me.
Tired of this
[Box]
I’m forced to
Stay inside

Yeah, okay. We couldn't get any more in-your-face than we do at the '[Box]' bit. You need to lengthen out your lines. A lot. Currently, they appear truncated...haha, guess what? They appear BOXED IN - not the intended effect. You also need to add some imagery to this, some colour. Really explore this idea of boxes - perhaps even don't mention the word 'poem' or 'rhyme' throughout the poem; just keep going on about boxes and leaping out into the sunlight. The intelligent reader will figure it out from the title.

Color
In the lines
Already drawn
By other people
Who leave me
With nothing
Of me.
Just a simple
ABAB
CDCD
Rhyme scheme.

You try and put some colour into this and it fails miserably. Why? Because you write the word 'colour.' You do not give us a specific colour, an emotion, an image - you say 'colour' . And the poems trails off, ears folded down, with its tail between its legs; the poem whines and runs away like a beaten stray dog you tried futilely to glorify. The capitals at the start of each line do nothing to help the fragmented effect, either - free verse should be free to do anything, right? So why isn't it free to have no capitals?

This needs some sprucing up, some expansion. Currently, it presents valid ideas in an utterly indigestible format. I'd encourage you to think about rewriting. I hope that helped. PM me if you have any questions.

@ultraviolet and theBlackSheep
Thanks, glad you liked it.

@Thrillhouse
Well, not much of a comment, but an opinion's an opinion I guess. Thanks for sharing yours.

@Navita
Thanks for the critiques and critisism, I'll think about a rewrite. As for the capitals at the beginning of each line, though, it's because of my computer. Every time I put an undercase one at the beginning of a line it capitalizes it. Anyway, thanks again.

Lol nice job on this very creative and original.
It drew my attention by the tittle and didn't let go until the last comment.
Nice way of thinking outside the box as well!
-Dawn

Hey there Story!

I love the beauty of this poem, mainly due to it’s undeniable simplicity. It feels so original. The best bit is the “ABAB, CDCD” as it sets a rhythmic pace for your poem and the rest becomes natural and fluent. It’s also well punctuated and well formatted; like the other reviewers mentioned before me.

But that’s just me.
Tired of this
[Box]
I’m forced to
Stay inside,

This is my favourite bit because it's like your rebelling against the rules of poetry, which I adore because the effect on me as a reader is priceless. It almost inspires me to sit down and write a poem that breaks the rules too! It's very good.

Though, I think there’s room for improvement despite this. For example, you could make it more your own by changing the structure to something more artistic. At the moment it supports the effect quite well, but you could bang in a really long line to explore line length in poetry a little more. The only reason I suggest that is because your poem is so good, that instead of nitpicking, I’m merely offering a new experiment for you to embark on! Anyway, loved it!

Keep writing,
~Ben

Rhyme scheme is actually a device used to ENHANCE poetry and can be far more complex than the elementary way you presented it, most people have this misunderstood.

In regards to your actual poem, I found it gimmicky.