Preface
I had always felt like luck was working against me, like I didn’t belong. Every time life finally felt right, something that was completely out of my control happened. It seemed like the three fates found utter joy in letting their cat play with the ball of thread that was my life.
Sometimes, I didn’t even feel completely human.
It was a warm summer night, the crescent moon reflected in the still, crystal pond near a large log cabin. Fireflies danced to the beat of the chirping crickets against the star speckled midnight sky. White lilies of the valley were scattered everywhere, coating the night with their soft rich scent. A small brown fawn dappled with cream colored splotches scurried to its mother, frightened by the blood-curdling wail of an infant that pierced through the midnight ambience.
There, lying in the auburn grass was a small baby girl with big bright green eyes and long black lashes. Her golden skin was lambent in the cool glow of the meadow, and her curling, twisting; tendrils of dark black hair were jutting out in every direction on her small head. Her cheeks were like small red peaches, blotchy and moist from the fluid that continuously flowed from her eyes down her face.
She continued to let out more heart-wrenching wails, stabbing at the endless darkness until a rugged, muscular but kind faced young man, scooped up the frail newborn in his arms, and cradled her in his checkered, green and black flannel shirt….
* * * * * * * * * *
I shot out of bed as my alarm continued to blare and vibrate until it slid off my cherry wood end table. I stumbled to my bathroom, splashed some cool, refreshing water on my freckled face and hastily brushed my teeth. Haphazardly, I dressed myself in my favorite dark blue boot cut jeans and a plain white t-shirt with a silver-gray tank top underneath. It fit snuggly on my thin, petit body, I’d always been small for my age, but it was one of the few things I’d always liked about myself. I looked in my full length mirror and half smiled, which quickly turned into a troubled grimace as I remembered my dream that had been the cause of my abrupt swing to reality.
This was no ordinary dream; it had been troubling me ever since I can remember. It was one of those recurring dreams, the ones that didn’t have an ending, or rather; I just always woke up before the ending. I felt a shiver run through my body as that thought swirled around my head.
“Stellaaaa, come down and get breakfast, you’ll be late for school!”
My head jerked around to see my adopted mother, Jenny Noom bellowing up the stairs. She had a pretty heart shaped face with almond shaped hazel eyes. Her short brown curly hair twisted like vines around her porcelain fair skin and delicate features. I could hear her heels clicking back into the kitchen. I sighed; I looked nothing like her, obviously.
I fell back onto my purple sheets, and then sat up to cram my small feet into my purple, high top converse. The sour aftertaste of my vision still left an unsatisfying void of curiosity in my mind. I played with different possible endings in my head. It was beginning to give me a headache. I threw it out of my thoughts because right now, I needed to focus on the more important task at hand. My first day of high school. Oh how cozy those nice lilac sheets looked right now. How inviting was the idea to just run back into bed and never wake up. I mentally slapped myself for such thoughts. I couldn’t allow myself to think like this, not on my first day of living hell, better known as High school. I finished brushing my long wavy, jet black hair and braided it along the side of my head, leaving my messy, short bangs hanging in front of my eyes. I winced as I looked in the mirror, this was as good as it was going to get.
I bounded down the stairs to see my mom holding a bowl of cereal, accompanied by a grin that looked too big for her face.
“Sweeeeetheart, I know you’re nervous, but you know what, so was I on my first day of high school”
I went lightheaded as she said the word out loud. She must have caught on because she stopped in the middle of her pep talk and put one of her moisturized, manicured hands on my shoulder.
“You’ll be fine. I know you will” she whispered in my ear, and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. I staggered to the table, slumped into my chair, and pretended to eat cereal. I couldn’t digest on a morning like this. Middle school had been enough of a nightmare. Funny, mom left me with those same exact words on my last minutes before I entered the hell hole called junior high. I wanted to scream as I thought of my experiences at Sandpoint middle school. The lonely lunches. Watching everyone else grow and mature into competent, capable human beings. While I was left behind in the deserted ghosttown of childhood. I stirred the now mushy cereal around with my spoon. Honey bunches of oats, my favorite. I sighed and ate a couple spoonfuls of the soggy tan flakes.
Before I knew it, I was standing outside the door of C-8. My first class, English. The day was off to good start, English had always been one of my strong points. I liked all subjects, but English was one where I could throw my mind completely into memorizing new vocabulary words, or getting myself lost in a book. It always took my mind off the fact that I had absolutely no friends.
I walked into the warm classroom. There were posters of assorted novels placed randomly all over the walls. I sat down gracefully in the nearest chair. Ugh. Too gracefully. I had a knack or doing that, my mom had me in ballet classes when I was little, and I guess all the posture and balance crap they had drilled into our heads had had a lasting effect on me.
I pulled out an empty binder and a pencil. As my eyes drifted around the classroom, they fell onto a kind faced lady behind a desk. She had puffy dark brown hair, and light skin. Her face looked a little over powdered, and her eyes were completely outlined in black. She was the teacher, I read the nameplate, Mrs. Aken. She looked up and gave me a comforting smile. I tried my best to reply with an answering smile, but I’m not sure how convincing my attempt was. As minutes crawled by like dying ants, the classroom began to fill with happy, confident teenagers. All hyped from the excitement of meeting new people and seeing old friends.
I was careful not to drool as I ogled at their overly ecstatic faces. I wanted to look at each of them as potential friends, but why lie to myself. I had been friendless for years, why would anything change now.
The rest of the day past by relatively fast. Geometry, biology, world studies, nothing was really too exciting.
I danced up the stairs to my room and flopped onto my bed, relieved. I was finally home. I was also exhausted, probably because I had pretty much sprinted home from school. I stared at the glow-in the dark ceiling stars. The day hadn’t been so bad; all the kids had done a great job helping me blend into the walls of the school. I sat up and looked through my planner.
No homework.
Wonderful, I had forgotten most teachers liked to be nice on the first day of school and not assign anything. It was after all, what most normal kids enjoyed. My stomach gurgled, oh, right, food. I went downstairs and made myself a grilled cheese sandwich and a glass of chocolate milk. I curled up into a ball on the black leather sofa and pulled out one of my favorite books, Great expectations.
It was nearly 8 o’clock when my mom got home from her job as a veterinarian. “Hey sweetie, how was it?”
I jumped; my book fell to the ground with a soft thud.
“Amazing” I mumbled.
“Oh honey” my mother began. I knew what was coming, and I was definitely not in the mood for one of her sympathy sermons. I leaped off the couch before she could sit down.
“I need to pick out my outfit for tomorrow.” I announced. I turned and rolled my eyes at my lame excuse. She knew me better than to swallow that one, but I didn’t have time to think of a better excuse. I had to make my escape a quick one, or she would follow me and attempt to comfort me in my room. I shuddered and bolted up the stairs.
I heard my mom sigh, kick off her shoes, and turn the TV on. I sat on my bed and let the pity wash through me. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, but I had to avoid that pep talk at all costs, they were the absolute bane of my existence.
As I lay there, the thought that had been on the backburner of my mind all day finally came to center stage. The dream that had given me such a troubled sleep last night. It wasn’t anything new; this dream always came around every now and then to taunt me. Still, something was different about his version; something had been made clearer. I just couldn’t place a finger on it.
Knock knock. I started at the unexpected interruption, and then relaxed when I realized who it was. I slowly opened the door and gave my dad, Alex, I great big bear hug. My dad had a chiseled faced and a 5 o’clock shadow. His eyes were like light blue crystals, glittering in the effulgence of my small lavender lamp light. He had light brown curly hair, and was thin but athletic. He scooped me up in his loving arms and sat on my bed with me.
“How was school kiddo?” he asked innocently. I groaned and struggled to free myself from his tight embrace. So this was how it was going to be.
“It was the greatest” I retorted. His brilliant aquamarine eyes fell. He hated it when I was sarcastic, that’s when he knew he could never get a straight answer from me. Unfortunately for me though, it meant he was here to stay. I grabbed a fluffy cerulean pillow and threw it on top of my head. This was going to be a long night.
“Stell, please tell me what’s on you’re mind.” He said as he struggled to get the frilly pillow out of my tight grasp and off my head. I glared at him, but it didn’t last long. If there was one thing I couldn’t stand doing it was hurting other people. Especially my parents.
“I hate seeing you like this” he grabbed my hand in his and stared at me. He looked at me as if he was watching a baby get mauled by lions on the discovery channel. I made a face and wriggled my hand out of his.
“Look daddy, I’m just tired. I’ve had a really long day” I searched his eyes for any sign of defeat. But he just took a deep breath and waited to hear the rest. I traced the patterns on my comforter with my eyes
“Aaaaaand tomorrow should be an even bigger day, so I really need to get some rest” I looked up. He closed his eyes for a ridiculously long three seconds.
“Alright Stell, goodnight, I love you.” He said warmly, but with a tone of reproach and kissed me lightly on my forehead. His beard stubble scratching my face a little bit. He got up and flipped my purple and teal rhinestone covered light switch off.
“I love you too daddy” I whispered loud enough for him to hear. I win; I thought smugly to myself and smiled. I knew I wouldn’t be able to avoid the subject with him very much longer. But at least right now, I could just focus on getting a good night’s sleep before I return to my daily torture treatment. I loved school itself; I just hated the long breaks in between. Why did they have to be so lengthy? Ah yes, because normal people liked to enjoy the company of there friends. In fact that was the main reason most kids my age went to school.
I flipped onto my stomach and dropped the subject, if I let my mind dwell on it any longer, I would never fall asleep.
“Hi I’m Dawn, what’s your name?” my head snapped up like someone had just told me I’d won the lottery. I was so startled I dropped my pen. My tan cheeks instantly went bright red as I bent down by the girl’s feet to pick it up. Was she actually talking to me? Surely her greeting had been directed at some one else. I turned to my right and saw two blonde girls giggling in what looked like an intense conversation. Convinced, I bravely attempted to answer.
“I’m Stella” was all I managed to choke out. Dawn had an athletic stature. She had long, pin straight, burnt orange hair with bangs that nearly covered her chocolate brown eyes. Her lips were sparkling with a fresh coat of burgundy lip gloss, they curved up into a smile, and she began giggling. Lovely, this was probably a dare from Steven Harper.
Steven was a short and rude boy with thick dark brown hair that always looked as messy as if he had just rolled out of bed in the morning. He had dark blue eyes and very pale, fine skin. I used to think he was funny, and he was one of the few that would talk to me throughout middle school. He would hang out with me at lunch. Then he made a huge mistake 8th grade year by attempting to ask me out. I tried to let him down easy, but he only nailed me with accusations, saying I led him on and whatnot. Ever since then he’s been a sore loser. Dawn cocked her head inquisitively.
“Why do you look so shocked?” she asked with almost believable innocence. I was stunned, I was almost 100% percent sure this was another one of Steven’s experiments to see if I was partially insane. I couldn’t decide whether to tell this girl to screw off, or if I should just go with a little white lie. If it was a conspiracy, better go with a cover story.
“I’m not” I replied stoutly. I thought I sounded a little rude so I quickly added
“I’m just tired” which was hideously ironic because I had gotten more than enough sleep last night. I had made sure of it. I added a yawn that couldn’t possibly have sound anywhere near realistic. Her dark chocolate eyes lit up with laughter as she saw my pathetic display of antiques.
“You’re really funny, mind if I sit by you?” she asked, her voice heavy with hope. I might have gone into a coma from astonishment. Was this girl serious? Who had put her up to this? I was determined to find out. I surveyed her suspiciously as she set her pink Jan sport backpack down.
“So what school are you from?” I tried to sound nonchalant, and I think it worked because she casually answered
“Oh I’m actually from….. California, I just moved here” she hastily pulled out her binder and was suddenly completely preoccupied by the blank stack of binder paper and her number two pencil. I turned my head down to look at my own binder. Oh, that explains it. Obviously this girl hasn’t heard my infamous stories…. yet. It wouldn’t be long until my adversary Alison got them around to her. Speak of the devil, in she swaggered now.
She was clad in designer brands from head to toe. She definetly wasn’t thin, but she wasn’t exactly fat either, she was just a bit chubby on the sides. She had long wavy platinum blonde hair with fake highlights. She had a long broad nose and skin so light she almost blended into the walls. Her icy blue eyes covered with thick black makeup pierced through me as she examined the situation.
It vexed me how she was able to be in all the same advanced classes as me every year. It shouldn’t be possible, that someone could be rich, popular, beautiful and smart. But unfortunately she was living proof. I sighed and tried to ignore her stare burning through my back. I knew Dawn and I wouldn’t stay friends for very much longer now. It wasn’t the first time Alison had robbed me of any possible contact with other humans.
It wasn’t always like this though. Alison used to be my friend back in elementary school. That is, until she saw something that day she will never forget.
It was a warm, breezy afternoon, a brilliant light blue sky above us with not a cloud in sight. The kind of day that just makes you feel good. We were playing tag, just like most children like to play at that age. She was hot on my heels chasing me, practically breathing down my back. We were running so fast I could hear my heart pounding wildly in my chest, as untamed winds blew on my sticky forehead. The cherry trees, irises and my swing set were all a blur as she continued to pursue me around my backyard. Just as she was about to close the distance and make the final leap to dub me “it”, I was gone.
Well, not gone, I was sitting on a branch up in the old oak tree. Twenty feet above the ground. Alison looked up and screamed for help. To this day I still have no idea what happened. I don’t even know what I was thinking or what was going through my head. All I know is that I blinked, and I was there. I have to admit it disturbed me too, but I’ve managed to convince myself it was an extremely windy day and that I was very lightweight for my age.
I would have tried to feed her the same story, but the damage had already been done. The second my dad got me down, she began kicking and shouting that she wanted to go home so that the ghosts wouldn’t come steal her too. I think she still believes that she’ll get possessed if she comes anywhere near me.
So that’s what’s been going around school since I was in second grade. That I am a deranged, possessed lunatic. Of course the events that took place that day had nothing to do with me being crazed in any way, but she was so shaken up, that’s how she’s been telling the story, and that’s how everyone’s known me ever since grade school. This is why it was such a shock when Dawn just walked up to me and introduced herself. But like I said she was new, and would learn fast.
I eyed Dawn skeptically. Her deep brown eyes stayed glued to her paper. She had a skinny looking figure, kind of like mine. There was something off about her, something vaguely familiar, like I’d seen her before…..
“Did you take ballet?” I suddenly divulged. Heads jerked around at the sound of my voice. I pushed my jet black waves of hair around the edges of my face to cover it before my cheeks started t to resemble candy apples. I suddenly became aware of all the curious eyes staring at me and realized the classroom was full and the bell had already rung. I wanted to disappear from existence, but all I could do for the time being was sink as far into the chair as humanely possible.
Dawn’s chocolate eyes grew wide and a giggle escaped through her lips. I wanted to glare at her, but I decided I would be a fool to offend the first teenager who’s approached me in months.
“I’ve never taken it before in my life” she replied, suddenly serious. A chill ran down my spine. Her answer unsettled me for some reason, I felt like I should know her.
“Oh” I responded with a bitter tone as my face fell. I decided it would be best to just put the idea out of my head, at least for the next few hours until school was out.
“Turn to page 40 in your copies of Merchant of Venice” Mrs. Aken droned on. I had already read this book, so I figured it wouldn’t really matter if I zoned out of today’s lecture. I had too much on my mind at the moment. I began mindlessly flipping through pages in my book as I surveyed Dawn again. I noticed something very peculiar about the way she was sitting. Her back was straight as an arrow, like there was something preventing her from leaning her back on the chair. This intrigued me only because I had abnormally impeccable posture as well. My thoughts immediately ran back to ballet. But she said she’d never even taken a class of ballet before. Frustration clouded my mind as I desperately tried to figure out how I knew this girl.
I quickly became mindful of the fact that my tan shoulders had become painfully tense, and my eyes were bulging out of there sockets. I relaxed myself. It was starting to scare me how much this new girl troubled me. I listened to the rest of Mrs. Aken’s speech about Shylock’s character, and analyzed her interesting usage of blue eyeliner to pass the time. Before I knew it, the bell rang and it was time for brunch. Students sprang instantly from their chairs at the sound to find their friends amongst all the rest of the other mindless teenagers. I sighed and slowly shoved my binder into my teal and brown corduroy backpack. I looked up to see Dawn waiting for me at the door.
I was stunned, her face lit up with a child-like smile. I stumbled over to the door. This was a first, no one had ever waited for me at the door before, well, aside from Steven in seventh grade. Everyone stared as we made our way down the steps and into the quad. I so badly wanted to just ditch her and run into the library, not because I didn’t like her, or that I didn’t want to be friends with her. It was just that I felt so awkward and self-conscious. I didn’t know what to talk about, it was hard for me to hold conversations with other people because I usually just didn’t talk. I didn’t like dealing with trivial discussions about people’s hair or how much homework had been given. On the contrary I was quite grateful for the copious amounts of homework assigned nightly because it kept me busy. I realized that I had become wrapped up in my own little world, so I ripped my eyes away from the gum covered pavement to look at Dawn.
She didn’t look the least bit uncomfortable. Now that we were in the sunlight, I noticed she had freckles as well. They were dark brown, upon closer inspection, I could have sworn they were sparkling in the sunlight. She was probably wearing some type of shimmer bronzer or whatever they call it.
I wanted to say something, anything, so that I wouldn’t lose this new found companion, but before I could manage, I heard the sound of an all too familiar voice.
It was high pitched, the kind of voice that reminded me of long nails being scraped against a chalkboard. I cringed and turned my head around grudgingly to see the face of a horrible gremlin that had come to wreak havoc.
“Oh my gawd Stella your outfit is ahh-mazing” Alison gushed with far too much enthusiasm. I rolled my eyes and looked at my plain ensemble. It was a white long sleeved button up shirt with a collar. I had on my favorite dark grey skinny jeans and my navy blue converse. Any other day it would be hideous in her eyes, but today I was actually walking with a person. After I didn’t answer her pathetic attempt at a believable, fake compliment, she turned her attention to Dawn.
“Hey I’m Alison, you’re the new girl Dawn, right?” she said with phony cheerfulness. Anger rose inside of me. I tried my hardest to swallow it back, but it might have spilled over onto my face. I knew Alison was going to try something like this. I just didn’t expect it to be so soon. I tensed myself for Dawn’s reply.
“yes that’s right, its nice to meet you” Dawn replied politely. Her tone was courteous, but her eyes were cold, they would have literally frozen Alison solid if it were possible. Alison looked a bit shaken by Dawn’s short response. She looked like she would have said more, but her group of mindless gum-chewers were clammering for her attention. Apparently at a loss for words, she nodded curtly and then turned on her heels to face her fans.
Dawn turned to me and smiled that same child-like grin. Her eyes that had just been as hard as a block of ice were now turning warm as the smile spread wider across her face. I chuckled softly to myself as I compared her eyes to melted chocolate ice cream. Surprisingly, she noticed my giggle, despite my best attempts to stifle it.
“What’s so funny” she asked, raising one dark orange eyebrow with mock suspicion.
“why did you give Alison such a short answer?” I asked, it wasn’t exactly what I had been laughing about, but it was definitely what was on my mind.
We had reached the quad and were standing off to the side on the dirt rather than the cement steps. I could feel the curious eyes of my classmates searing through me.
“I don’t like that girl, she thinks she’s, you know, all that” Dawn told me confidently, the harsh, frosty tone in her voice confirming what I’d seen in her eyes. Her answer filled me with hope and satisfaction, now at least I didn’t have to worry about Alison stealing her from me. This girl was not your average follow-the-herd teenager. She did what she liked. She hung out with whoever she wanted to.
The bell rang and broke my thought process. Students scattered hastily to their classrooms. Dawn walked with me to mine because she said she was going the same way as me anyway. She smiled brightly, which literally seemed to warm the atmosphere around me.
I settled down into my chair, but continued to shift around in my seat because I was eager for lunch. I laughed in spite of myself. This was a first, I had never actually looked forward to a time period that was meant to be spent with friends. But I was actually really looking forward to seeing how it would turn out considering I now had someone to stand with in the almighty quad. I tucked my thoughts away for the time being so I could focus on geometry.
Sooner than I had thought possible, the bell rang. My heart pounded. How was I even going to find Dawn? I walked slower than necessary out the door. As I approached the quad, I could see her smiling her childish grin and waving at me. Others stared at her. I felt elated, I finally had someone. I noticed there was someone else with her. He had a petite, strong figure and he was wearing a taut white shirt under a plaid button down with the sleeves rolled up, showing off his toned arms. He had messy jet black hair, and tan skin with golden undertones. I felt my heart skip a beat, then restart double time. As I got closer I could see the color of his wistful, almond shaped eyes. They were a brilliant, sapphire, dark blue, and if I wasn’t careful, I would surely get lost in them. He was dressed like any other boy at the school, black vans, baggy jeans. But I just couldn’t keep my eyes off of him.
“Stella, are you okay?” Dawn’s sharp voice trilled in my ear, shattering my thoughts. I felt dazed, and I probably looked like I needed a slap in the face. I shook it off, and tried to answer without my voice shaking.
“oh yeah, I’m good!” I could hear my strangled voice crack. The boy giggled, and my cheeks instantly flared red. Dawn glared at him.
“This is my uhh...step brother. Jasper” she said, she sounded a little awkward and unsure.
The boy smiled confidently. A little too confidently, like he knew what was going on inside my mind. I self-consciously held out my hand in an attempt to seem friendly and at ease.
His face lit up and he grabbed my hand to shake it vigorously. Dawn frowned at him and nudged him for the second time. He chuckled lightly as my face turned into a tomato. My heartbeat was so loud an ant could probably hear it, and I wondered, half-dazed if he had felt the pulse in my hand pound through my veins like a waterfall rushing downstream.
For the rest of lunch we made dull conversation about our classes, and teachers, and who we like and who we don’t. It was all so new to me, I hated making shallow discourse like this but I actually didn’t feel out of place, I felt like I actually fit in for once.
The bell blared its annoying tune through the speakers, giving all the students a start as they slowly dragged their feet to the classrooms.
“well, it was really cool meeting you, Stella. See you tomorrow?” his piercing sapphire eyes burned through me. My mind was scrambled. What had he just said? It sounded like a question. Oh..right.
“oh, erm, yes see you tomorrow!” I blurted out, my words all meshed together and weak. I numbly pulled a loose wave of hair and stuffed it back behind my ears.
Jasper gave me one last burning gaze. His brilliant eyes: flaming like a a fire sculpted entirely of ice. He turned, swaggered up the grassy knoll, and headed towards the student parking lot.
I felt dazed, confused, and suddenly, I was hit by the strangest sensation of déjà vu.
Bright orange and red leaves crunched satisfyingly underneath the white soles of my navy-blue converse. Chilling wind blew in fiercely from the east, making my skinny body tremble as I fumbled with the zipper of my black coat. The sun was low in the clouded gray sky, winter was approaching. That meant shorter days and less daylight to walk home in. I swallowed back hard, and fought the fear that had begun to consume my mind. I began to walk more briskly. Cars zoomed past me, creating irritating background noises as I willed my legs to complete the two mile trek home from school.
What a day. I thought to myself. The three worded statement did not even begin to cover what a day it had truly been. I thought back to what had truly made it so amazing. It wasn’t just one thing either, it was two. I now had two people that I’m pretty sure I was entitled to call friends.
