On a side note, could you make your chapters shorter? Only this took up, like, five pages of a Word document and took forever to go through. 
King Jorell
“Ah, good, you’re finally here,” I say to my spy as he approaches the steps of my throne bows.
“Take this liquid and slip it into Queen Lilla and King Mika`s food You are now dismissed.”
King Mika
My wife and I slowly make our way to the high table in the banquet hall. We are taking it easy, since my wife gave birth to our second child whom I am holding. When we reach the high table, I shift my daughter to one arm, so I can help Lilla into her chair. Once Lilla is seated, I take my seat too. The rest of the nobles file in. When they are all seated, servants bring out the dishes and drinks followed by musicians and jugglers. The servants place the trays of food on the table, and fill the goblets with wine as musicians begin to play, and the jugglers perform. However, I raise a hand for silence; the music, laughter, and voices die down as the jugglers stop performing, and everyone looks at me, waiting for me to say something. I stand up to proclaim the news of our daughter’s birth. Proudly, I hold her up for all to see.
“Father, you summoned me. Myra says you and Mother were poisoned. But you and Mother are going to be okay, right?” His voice is deathly quiet, like that of a frightened child.
For a while, she rocks her, but a few minutes later she Lilla, “Mika, we need to talk.”
“Our daughter will never be safe here. Look at what happened to us.” She smiles ruefully.
I get up, belt my sword, and place a map and purse of coins in the pouch at my waist. After one last glance at Lilla, I turn my back to her, and exit the room. Zobra looks at me quizzically. I beckon him over.
“Father, what are you doing?”
“I’m taking your sister to a place where she can be safe.”
“Where are you taking her?”
“Remember you met Jackamal four years ago?” I say. Zobra nods. “Well, we’re good friends. I met him twenty years ago. His cousin is an Alvelvan and my most trusted adviser. He introduced me to Jackamal, and we became good friends.” My son nods again.
“I guess this is good-bye,” Zobra says.
He approaches Lilla (name in honor of her mother)...
“Just remember, son I’ve always been proud of you. Just make me one last promise, you’ll stay with your mother.”
“I’m so sorry,” he says. He takes another look at her, and comments, “She looks just like her mother.”
“If she never leaves the house, then no one can see her.”
I have always been different then the rest of the people in my village. Everything that defines who and what I am has made me different, strange, foreign, an outsider. My behavior, my personality, even my physical appearance separates me from everyone else. My complexion is deathly pale, unlike all the tanned villagers who labor in the fields. Unlike your typical blond, red, black, or brown hair, my hair is a cross between blond and silver. And my eyes, they are a purplish-blue hue that no one has ever seen. Don’t even get me started on my facial features... they are elfish looking, you could even say similar to that of a fairy. Did I also mention my deadly secret? I can perform magic. Healing, summoning objects, manipulating the weather, and controlling the elements of earth, air, fire, and water. For years, I have practiced these skills at night, and even though I am good, I still have trouble controlling my powers. This makes me dangerous. Perhaps, this is why I was given up at birth.
“She has skin that is practically white, her hair is an unnatural cross between blond and silver, and she has oddly colored eyes.”
“Let me go!” I hiss, kicking and clawing to no avail.
The next thing I know, I am invisible, the perfect timing, because the soldier bursts in followed by Jackamal.
However, if I do not release the energy, it will kill me.
Jackamal gives me the sword, and I unsheathe it. When I wield it, the balance is perfect; the sword feels like an extension of my arm.
Jackamal smiles sadly. “One the night your father brought you here, soldiers were after him, and though he held them off with magic, he was gravely wounded by a stab in the left shoulder. Though he was strong enough to bring you here, he passed away within minutes on my doorstep. He is buried right here.”
I recoil at all this information as hot, livid tears stream down my cheeks
Minutes later I say,” Myra, go and find my children.” She nods, and disappears.
In he eyes shines a fiery pride as she gazes at the infant in her arms,
He approaches Lilla (name in honor of her mother) and kisses her on the forehead. He then throws his arms around me.
Unlike your typical blond, red, black, or brown hair, my hair is a cross between blond and silver. And my eyes, they are a purplish-blue hue that no one has ever seen. Don’t even get me started on my facial features... they are elfish looking, you could even say similar to that of a fairy. Did I also mention my deadly secret? I can perform magic. Healing, summoning objects, manipulating the weather, and controlling the elements of earth, air, fire, and water. For years, I have practiced these skills at night, and even though I am good, I still have trouble controlling my powers. This makes me dangerous. Perhaps, this is why I was given up at birth.
"Can’t you make the fire warmer?" she complains.
"Her skin is a sickly whie, her eyes are an eeire purple,and her hair is a srange shade of blonde and silver." Upon hearing this, the soldier's face becomes illuminated with interesting, giving his face an even more sinister appearance.
When I look down at my body, it is gone, or at least invisible,perfect timing, because the soldier bursts in followed by Jackamal.
The next thing I know, I am invisible, perfect timing, because the soldier bursts in followed by Jackamal.
“Thank you,” I whisper, “for every thing.”
My wife and I slowly make our way to the high table in the banquet hall. We are taking it easy, since my wife gave birth to our second child whom I am holding.
Once Lilla is seated, I take my seat too. The rest of the nobles file in. When they are all seated,
Suddenly, Lilla wakes up. Zobra and I turn to look at her, but she is only looking at our daughter. I hand her to Lilla. For a while, she rocks her, but a few minutes later she Lilla,
I have always been different then the rest of the people in my village. Everything that defines who and what I am has made me different, strange, foreign, an outsider. My behavior, my personality, even my physical appearance separates me from everyone else. My complexion is deathly pale, unlike all the tanned villagers who labor in the fields. Unlike your typical blond, red, black, or brown hair, my hair is a cross between blond and silver. And my eyes, they are a purplish-blue hue that no one has ever seen. Don’t even get me started on my facial features... they are elfish looking, you could even say similar to that of a fairy. Did I also mention my deadly secret? I can perform magic. Healing, summoning objects, manipulating the weather, and controlling the elements of earth, air, fire, and water. For years, I have practiced these skills at night, and even though I am good, I still have trouble controlling my powers. This makes me dangerous. Perhaps, this is why I was given up at birth.
All I know is that thirteen years ago, my parents left me on the doorstep of a very poor couple who had a daughter one year older than me. My foster father convinced his wife to take me in. This gave her the twisted idea of free labor. Ever since I was five, I have been serving her and her daughter. She says I owe her for the privilege of a home to live in. There is not a day that goes by that I am allowed to forget this. Even though she and her daughter have always pushed me around, my foster father has always been distant with me, neutral. Even knowing I was innocent, he never defended me for the times I was blamed for countless things.
"Can’t you make the fire warmer?" she complains.
125,998 Literary Works • 672,935 Reviews
