Joie De Vivre ~ The Joy Of Life

This is in response to a challenge I received after writing a fairly depressing poem. I had to write a poem about joie de vivre, which after a quick google, I found is french for the joy of life. So here is my (not the greatest) attempt at my second ever happy poem. I hope I did it justice.

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Once more I see the longing day,
so beautiful and fine.
But yet again I know that I
will still be left behind.

I wish I were a shooting star,
to see the world right there.
Even for one short peering glimpse,
I would know I would be dazed.

I wish I were a singing bird,
beneath the soft blue sky,
so I may sing my merry tune,
to brighten the world my way.

But even if the world so calm,
would bear a golden fruit,
or even cast a rainbow,
it would never reach its peak.

In this world so balance,
it needs something to be a guide,
or helping hand for all,
that couldn't find its place.

So even though the world is great,
and beautiful in all,
it is the creatures living there,
which bring glory for them all.

Hi kingolions,

Firstly, I have to say that I appreciate how difficult it can be to write a happy poem. Poetry seems to lend itself much better to sadness and other emotions, doesn't it? You've made a creditable attempt here, but I have to say that I didn't personally like the poem very much.

The main issue I had with it was the rhyme scheme - or rather, the lack of one. You start out promisingly, with the slant rhyme between "fine" and "behind," and the rhythm is as one would expect for this type of poem, nice and upbeat. And then the second verse spoils it all by blowing that out of the water. On top of this, it doesn't even make sense: "I would know I would be daises"? Kind of doesn't compute for me, I'm afraid

My recommendation would be to rewrite this and make up your mind whether you want to go with the rhyming or not. I am far from the sort of person who thinks all poems must rhyme, or even that you must necessarily continue to rhyme if you start out that way, but such a deviation must be for a purpose and in this case it doesn't seem to add anything to the poem.

I would also try to branch out a little. A lot of the images you reference here - shooting stars, daisies, blue sky, birds - are what I'd call "stock" images; they're the first things that come to mind when you look for happy images, and in that sense are pretty unoriginal. Try taking one image and exploring it, why it makes you think of happy things, and so on. Brainstorm a bit. Don't be satisfied with the first thing that comes into your head.

Hope that helps. Keep writing!

Cheers,
~bubbles

Hey King! Finally came around to reading this.

I have mixed feelings with this poem. I enjoyed to an extent because it felt like a 'happy' poem, but at times it felt like the wording made it come off as a 'sad' poem. A specific part of the poem that sounded like that was:

But even if the world so calm,
would bear a golden fruit,
or even cast a rainbow,
it would never reach its peak.

You bring in this wonderful idea than you 'shut it down' with the last line making it seem 'unhappy'.

I kept having this constant urge to make it in any way rhyme which I think this poem would be fantastic if it were. I'm not sure what else to say just, give it another go, re-word it here and there to make it feel 'happy' again and just keep writing these 'happy' poems to get a fill for them. You don't have to post them, just write them down and see what you get. Practice DOES make perfect (if you believe in that-I don't).

Keep up the good work and maybe stick to the one style of writing which I believe you do best at-sad poetry.

MWAHAHAHA!
-RepublicOfCoter

kingolions wrote:This is in response to a challenge I received after writing a fairly depressing poem. I had to write a poem about joie de vivre, which after a quick google, I found is french for the joy of life. So here is my (not the greatest) attempt at my second ever happy poem. I hope I did it justice.

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Once more I see the longing day,
so beautiful and fine.
But yet again I know that I
will still be left behind. Sad sad sad sad sad.

I wish I were a shooting star,
to see the world right there.
Even for one short peering glimpse, How about, "Even for a peering glimpse," It's a bit wordy.
I would know I would be dazed.

I wish I were a singing bird,
beneath the soft blue sky,
so I may sing my merry tune,
to brighten the world my way.

But even if the world so calm,
would bear a golden fruit,
or even cast a rainbow,
it would never reach its peak.

In this world so balance,
it needs something to be a guide,
or helping hand for all,
that couldn't find its place. How about "who"? It might make more sense that way.

So even though the world is great,
and beautiful in all,
it is the creatures living there,
which bring glory for them all.

Let me just start off by saying, literature does not lend itself to any emotion. Cliches and corny poems are hard to avoid in general.

That said, you failed my challenge. BUT! You still produced a great poem that was at least honest.

I noticed the rhyme scheme was awkward and promising the first time I read it, and yes, it bothered me. The second time I read it though, I noticed how, intentionally or not, the promising rhyme scheme fell hand in hand of the promising world you seem to describe that always falls short in your mind. "it would never reach its peak." "will still be left behind."

I liked that at the end you did write something that I took to be optimistic and you did rhyme, albeit using the same words. It was a little silver lining that I enjoyed.

Also worth mentioning, I didn't find any typos or grammatical errors.