A Nice Day for a Walk

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Northrop walked into Jeb’s kitchen through the back door and grabbed an orange from the fruit bowl. Instead of peeling it, he just fiddled with it as he looked over to Jeb.

Jeb showed no surprise in Northrop’s unannounced entrance. “What are you doing here for?”

“It’s nice out today,” Northrop said, “I thought I might go out for a walk.”

“That’s nice,” Jeb commented, focused on peeling his orange.

“Want to come with me?” Northrop asked.

“Not really,” Jeb commented. He finished peeling the orange and put it down in a bowl before turning away to throw the peel away.

It was in that moment that Northrop made his move, switching out his unpeeled orange for Jeb’s peeled orange. When Jeb turned back around, he found Northrop eating the first orange segment. He frowned, but didn’t protest and picked up the orange with a sigh.

“You really should come with me,” Northrop said. “Delia might be out there.”

“Oh?” Jeb asked, not giving anything away.

“Besides, I’ll just keep bugging you until you come walking with me,” Northrop said. He stood up and gestured towards the backdoor.

“Fine, fine.” Jeb sighed as he left his orange and walked out of the house and right into a downpour. “I thought you said it was a nice day?”

“It is a nice day,” Northrop said as he followed Jeb outside. He opened up a neon pink umbrella. “A nice rainy day.”

“A nice day for a walk,” Jeb dryly commented, giving his friend a look.

“Yep,” Northrop replied. He started walking and Jeb had no choice but to move with him.

“So why are we out walking anyway?” Jeb asked as they strolled down the street.

“Oh, look, there’s Frank,” Northrop exclaimed, pointing across the street.

Jeb’s eyes narrowed. “You’re up to something aren’t you?”

“Is that pie in his hands?” Northrop asked, peering at the figure. “Where did Frank get pie?”

“Who cares about the pie?” Jeb asked. Northrop ignored him, grabbing his arm and dragging him across the street.

“Howdy, Frank,” Northrop greeted. “Is that pie?”

“Just got it from the bakers,” Frank said. He motioned towards the half eaten pie. “Would you like some?”

“I’d love some pie,” Northrop said as he sat down in the patio chair across from Frank. Northrop motioned for Jeb to join them. “Pie, Jeb, pie.”

“It looks good, I guess,” Jeb said as he sat down.

Frank cut them each a piece and then returned to eating his own slice. “It’s a good day for pie.”

“So, how’s the clownery doing?” Northrop asked. “How do you like being a clown?”

“Being a clown is great, I guess.” Frank frowned and took another bite of his pie. “People always laugh at my tricks and I’m getting really good at throwing pie.”

“Not this pie, though?” Northrop asked.

“No, not this pie.” Something clanked and Frank jumped a mile, twisting around and seeing nothing but his own shadow. He turned back around and offered them a sheepish smile. “Sorry about that.”

“That’s okay,” Northrop said, knowing that Frank did that often.

Another bang happened and Frank shrieked, halfway jumping into Jeb’s lap. Jeb just sighed and patted the man’s back.

“A nice day for a walk, huh?” he asked no one.

A yellow cat ran past, dripping paint.
Some people fall in love and touch the sky.
Some people fall in love and find Quicksand.

- Incubus




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Strange yet somehow captivating. I don't know why but this piece really reminds me of a post world war 2 American day for young children that have nothing better to do on a rainy day.
On to the review I believe it was flawless honestly I didn't see any mistakes. However, I just read this and its 3 am where I'm at lol so don't take it heart.
Great work Tatra!
-Dawn
C.Mejia




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Hey Tatra! My name is Twit and I shall be your reviewer for today. :mrgreen:

~

Instead of peeling it, he just fiddled with it as he looked over to Jeb.


It would sound better as he looked over at Jeb. I don’t know, the sentence sounds kind of unfinished. I’m being uber-nitpicky here, but the rhythm feels off.


Jeb showed no surprise in Northrop’s unannounced entrance. “What are you doing here for?”


Is this an Americanism I’m not aware of? Only it sounds really, really weird.


“That’s nice,” Jeb commented, focused on peeling his orange.

“Want to come with me?” Northrop asked.

“Not really,” Jeb commented. He finished peeling the orange and put it down in a bowl before turning away to throw the peel away.


You’ve used the verb “commented” twice too close together. Find a different word.


“A nice day for a walk,” Jeb dryly commented, giving his friend a look.


Commented again... different word?


“Who cares about the pie?” Jeb asked.


O_O Sacrilege! Who doesn’t care about pie? There’s something about pie that’s just automatically amusing... Why isn’t the pie wet in the rain? Soggy pie is ew.


“No, not this pie.” Something clanked and Frank jumped a mile, twisting around and seeing nothing but his own shadow. He turned back around and offered them a sheepish smile. “Sorry about that.”

“That’s okay,” Northrop said, knowing that Frank did that often.


I don’t get why you put this in, about Frank being scared. And the bolded bit is very tell-y. Is the entire thing necessary?


“A nice day for a walk, huh?” he asked no one.

A yellow cat ran past, dripping paint.


So concludes the randomness...

~

Well, this was weird, and I didn’t really see the point to it. I mean, it was very well written, and the stuff I’ve pointed out is just very minor nitpicks on style and stuff. But why do they go for a walk? What’s the deal with Frank and the pie? Why the cat at the end? Why the paint? Why is Frank a clown? Why? Why? Why??

*ahem*

Sorry. However, the fact does remain that I’m a wee bit confused about what it all meant. Is there some deep underlying symbolism that I don’t get, or is it just two guys go out for a walk, meet the scared pie guy, then see a paint-covered cat? I’m sure there’s some meaning to the cat...
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this. We have you." -Abed Nadir



Beware of advice—even this.
— Carl Sandburg