Killer Mask [0.08]

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“Get a doctor in here, stat!” A nurse screeches into an intercom. I open my eyes slowly and my head throbs. I’m lying in my bed, with nurses circled around me.
One of the nurses straps a blood-pressure cuff to my arm. It crushes my bones. I wince and try to pull away. Another nurse pushes a thermometer underneath my tongue. It tastes like metal. I spit and she clucks her tongue in annoyance.
The nurse that screamed into the intercom saunters to my bed. She eyes me carefully before pressing her cool fingertips to my flushed cheek. I sigh.
A doctor appears in the doorframe a few seconds later. When they said “stat”, they weren’t kidding.

His shoes clunk against the tile flooring. One of the nurses gives him my chart. He looks it over. “What happened to her?”

“She was in group therapy, and she passed out.” The nurse informs him. The doctor scratches his gelled grey hair.

“Well…” He checks the blood pressure cuff. “Her blood pressure is through the roof, and by the looks of her chart, she had some kind of attack. It may be a panic attack, but I’ll have to run some tests to make sure.”

“Do you want to do anything about it now?” The nurse asks curtly. The doctor hands my chart back to her.

“No. Tomorrow, at the earliest. For now, just keep an eye on her. If she has any more… attacks… let me know right away.” The doctor says to the nurse.

“Alright.” She says as he leaves the room.

The nurse turns to me and looks at me sternly. “If anything else happens, let me know right away.”

“Yes, I will.” I promise.

“Thank you.” The nurse strides out of the room.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The same doctor that was here yesterday comes into my room again. “Isabelle, I’m going to take you to the trauma unit to run some testing.”

“Okay…” I say, uneasily. I notice he’s wearing a nametag. Dr. Joyce.

“Don’t worry… it shouldn’t be very busy today.” He assures me as he guides me to the elevators. I hug my arms to my chest as we step inside the elevator.
Irritating music plays through the elevator’s overhead speakers. I groan as Dr. Joyce presses a button. The door slides open.
We’re on the first floor. My room is on the fourth floor. I inhale shakily as I step from the elevator.
A sign above me reads things like TRAUMA UNIT, EMERGENCY and X-RAY, with arrows next to each word.
Dr. Joyce guides me towards the trauma unit. The speckled green chairs were mostly empty, a table stacked with outdated magazines stood in the centre of the room, and a bored receptionist sat at her desk. She straightened up when she saw us approach.

“Gilda, I have a patient here who needs to be checked out.” Dr. Joyce says.

“Name and information, please.” Gilda, the receptionist asks.

“Isabelle Jameson. She’s been here for a few days. I have a hunch that she’s suffering from panic attacks… that’s why I’ve ordered some testing.”

Gilda taps on her computer then nods towards the door. Dr. Joyce leads me through the door and into a wide hallway. He turns to the first door on his left. A wide barrelled machine stands in the centre of the room, with buzzing machines around it. A CT scanner. I gulp nervously as I’m ordered to lie down underneath the scanner.

The darkness consumes me and I try to hold back a scream as the red laser passes over me.




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Hey,

This was much, much better. I think that this might have been your best chapter format wise. I think that you aren't giving us the insight that we got earlier in the story. Now it sounds like you're just telling us this story, not giving us this girls feeling and opinions like earlier. I think that you should do a cafeteria scene, like where she goes to the cafeteria in the Ward and something happens. Have her meet someone. Give the reader more than just this boring doctor stuff. It's much easier to read like this, not all blocky. Keep it up :)

~Jasmine Bells
I am nothing
but a mouthful of 'sorry's, half-hearted
apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
that's just a bit too sweet.

~*~




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Back again.

Firstly. I would look into the symptoms of panic attacks before you say that somebody will simply pass out from a panic attack. Here is the list of symptoms for panic attacks, available through a quick Google search. If you read it, you'll notice "passing out" is not on the list. I'd suggest coming up with something different, or change the plot point completely, in order to make it realistic. I'm not sure I know of a single disorder brought about by trauma would result in a person passing out, to be perfectly honest. You'd need to do your own research on that.

It's also completely implausible it would take a CT scan to tell she was having them, or any sort of trauma-related problem. The thing about trauma-related problems is, they show outward symptoms. Guaranteed. If a psychologist was around or heard what her symptoms were, it'd be pretty easy to diagnose the disorder. It might take some talking to figure out the exact disorder, but it wouldn't require a CT scan.

Basically, this whole thing is completely unrealistic. I'd suggest you do some research into how trauma affects people, psychology, how disorders brought about by trauma are treated, and also nervous disorders in general, in order to make this even somewhat believable.

Hope this helps. PM me if you have any questions.

~Rosey
A writer is a world trapped in a person— Victor Hugo

Ink is blood. Paper is bandages. The wounded press books to their heart to know they're not alone.



On some days, my will to write disappears faster than a donut at a police station.
— Arcticus