The Mask

:Jeanette:

You see me as I am
Yet I'm showing you lies.
You look and say you understand,
But do you see me or my disguise?

Do you see past the Mask,
Carved of wooden protection?
It harbors my soul, and should I lapse
Saves me from rejection.

I live with hidden tears,
But not one will I let slide.
Secretly I'll face my fears
For where I lack the Mask provides.

This Mask hides who I was before
And prepares for who I've become;
But like every wood rots at the core
Every Mask will come undone.

Then I'll face the world,
Alone and unprotected;
Open to their scorn,
Open to rejection.

Why do I let the Mask unwind?
Why do I let it rot to dust?
Because I know that in time,
The Mask will fade as the fear does.

Hello there
I like this poem and the consistent rhyming. I thought that it was nothing different from my point of view but it was greatly written anyhow. I'm not particularly fond with the way you put the second last line of the last stanza. Maybe it's 'because' that ruins it. I liked the last line though, "fade as the fear does", that's good one.

Good job

Hey there Jeanette! I'm Selene, and it's lovely to meet you! ^_^

Punctuation

Commas, commas everywhere! I see where you're coming from, honestly I do. Here's the secret though: you don't need a comma after every few words. Sure, you think that since you're starting a new line you need some sort of punctuation. Wrong! Sometimes you need nothing.

Want to know how I know this? I used to do it myself. I was pretty comma-happy, but the good people of YWS helped me out. I'm still comma-happy, but I'm getting better at it. You will, too! It just takes a bit of practice.

So let's get down to business. I'll go stanza by stanza.

You see me as I am,
Yet I'm showing you lies,
You look and say you understand,
But do you see me or my disguise?

Okay, I've looked at the rest of your poem and have come to the conclusion that we should go over semi-colons. They are wonderful little darlings when it comes to prose and poetry. Say you have two sentences that could be left separately and still make perfect sense. They have the same idea, though. Add them together and stick a semi-colon in the middle!

I'm going to try and demonstrate the "poetry and sentences" concept.

"You see me as I am, yet I'm showing you lies. (replace period with ";" because the two sentences can be combined)
You look and say you understand, but do you see me or my disguise?"

Now I'm not saying you should format your poem like this, but do you see the sentences (or sentence after you add the semi-colon)? It will improve the flow of your poem.

Do you see past the Mask?
Carved of wooden protection?
It harbors my soul, and should I lapse,
Saves me from rejection.

Ick, too many questions. You want your readers to formulate questions on their own, not just ask them. That's another story, though. Let's just focus on punctuation.

The first question should be a comma, because "carved of wooden protection" cannot stand alone and make sense. The second comma in this stanza should be taken out. Add 'it' or another subject before "saves" and the sentence will be fine.

It'll look like this:

"Do you see past the Mask,
Carved of wooden protection?
It harbors my soul, and should I lapse
it saves me from rejection."

I live with hidden tears,
But not one will I let slide,
Secretly I'll face my fears,
For where I lack the Mask provides.

From what I see the second line in the stanza should end with a period because I can't see the true correlation between line 1 and 2 to 3 and 4. It's up to you, though. You know better about what you're trying to say, so add a semi-colon if you think the concepts parallel.

This Mask hides who I was before,
And prepares for who I've become;
But like every wood rots at the core;
Every Mask will come undone.

I don't like the two conjunctions so close together, but I do like your second line in the stanza. The first semi-colon is perfectly placed. However, the second semi-colon in line 3 should be taken out completely and replaced with a comma.

Then I'll face the world,
Alone and unprotected;
Open to their scorn,
Open to rejection.

I like this how it stands. Lines 3 and 4, were they not lines of poetry, would be unacceptable to be left alone. Seeing as poetry entails abstract thought and emotion, I love how your meaning comes through here. I feel vulnerability coming from this stanza. Both parts of the stanza work together to show your meaning, therefore your semi-colon is a perfect fit.

Why do I let the Mask unwind?
Why do I let it rot to dust?
Because I know that in time,
The Mask will fade as the fear does.

Marry lines 1 and 2 together. I don't want to see "why do I" 's side-by-side; it hurts my eyes. Take out the comma in line 3.

Overall

I really did love this poem. Sorry if I was too harsh with the punctuation, but I see so much potential in this piece. So why not let it shine?

The concept was fascinating and something I can relate to. Your rhythm and flow were nice and steady. Overall, I'd love to see it after it has been revised.

PM me if you have any questions or would care for a review!

~Selene