She Feels

This isn't a poem or a spectular screen play, it's just a girl writing about her feelings that she had stored up inside. She feels that she is no longer the same person that she once was, that she has somehow lost her self. She feels that everytime she looks in the mirror it is just a strange face looking at her. She feels that she has no identity, that she has no uniqueness about her that she once had. She feels that she has become one of the plain faces that people pass on the street and don't notice. Is that possible? Is itpossible to have a change so drastic? To go from being the happy, always smiling girl, that everyone always said to, to just a blur that people forget about once you walk out of a room.

Welcome to YWS! This site is a great way to hone your writing skills. Every one is friendly here and I hope that you will private message me if you ever have any questions about the site. You can PM me by clicking the PM button under my avatar. I sincerly hope that you post some more stories and stuff on here.

Here's the thing: Is this about you? I can feel the emotion in the piece, so well done, but this doesn't "feel" (Ironic eh) like a literature piece to me. Rather, it feels like just some person posting their feelings on a writing site. Writing is the expression of thoughts and emotions through words, but I feel like this is just a rant.

If this is about you, don't feel like that. We all have our dark days. Just remember that there is always something out there that will make you smile. If this IS about you, may I suggest a blog? Blogs are excellent ways of venting.

The third person touch was nice.

-Esther

Hello there, monique, and welcome to YWS. If you haven't already done so, you might want to introduce yourself over at the Welcome Mat. There are a lot of people there that will be happy to befriend you and help you get to know the site so you can have a great time here. You can also feel free to PM me or anyone whose name is in green if you have problems and/or questions; we moderators are always happy to help, and we don't bite. :D

Now, as far as this goes, I'm not quite sure this is a story. It strikes me more as a plot/story theme pitch than an actual piece in and of itself. If it is a story pitch, The Writer's Corner would be a more appropriate place to get feedback.

Now, the one major issue with this is the punctuation. It isn't always correct, and these are basic mistakes, like your using a period instead of a question mark. I suggest that you proofread your work more closely in the future so that you catch these mistakes before your readers do; incorrect punctuation gives your readers the impression you can't write well, after all.

Welcome! I know I'm not really ready to this welcoming thing, but I felt like you need it and I liked that short piece that you had there. I really do. Maybe making it longer will help and adding more detail with help you to get your feelings out stronger then what you already have going.
Nothing else.
Enjoy!