Unloved

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This is something new I'm trying out
Yes, I know there's a well-known character named Jace, and a species called Fey
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Fey. Strange and Eccentric. It’s what we’re known as, vampire and werewolf mix, the hidden race, the unloved. We’re all hidden away on the unknown island of Sekryu, once under the strong regiment of the late King Darwin and Queen Stephana. My parents. Of course, Fey aren’t the only speices on the island. There were vampires, werewolves and normal humans.
I sat in my cell in the Sekryu Jail. The clichéd, gray walls mocked me, teasing voices floated in my head. Poor, poor Amira, killed her parents. I shut my eyes; let myself float into the darkness. Lucky for me, they’d execute me in the morning. I’d been sitting in the same spot for more than three days, barley moving, never sleeping. Two apples rolled around in my cell. They were what the guards outside thought was a ‘satisfying meal’ I had barely touched them, still annoyed at myself. Why would I snap? I killed my parents. I rolled my eyes. I knew I didn’t snap. It took lots of planning to be able to end the unfair reign. A knock rang out into the room. I looked up, focusing on the door. I opened my mouth to talk for the first time. My voice came out dry and whispery
“Come in, if you can.” The jangle of keys in the lock, a muttering of words and the door flew open. A light blinded my eyes and squeezed them shut. I raised my hands in front of my eyes.
“Fallen Princess Amira?” The voice was male, curt and cool.
“Shut the damn door.” I hissed. The door shut and I lowered my arms.
“Thank you.” I said, “And I’m not a Princess anymore. I’m just Amira, a cold, heartless killer.” “That is where you are wrong,” he said.
“I’m Jace. You are coming with me.”
“No. Thank you, Jace.” I said, “I think I’d like to be executed.”
“You want to die?” He asked. My slowly ran my eyes over his, committing his appearance to memory. His hair was dark, falling into his eyes. He wore a worn tee, his jeans old and holey.
“Yes.” I said. I wasn’t sure of my answer, I wasn’t sure of anything, except for I wanted to curl up and wait. “Well, you can still die, but we need you first.” Jace said. “I’m the leader of the Sekryu resistance. The poor people want to be treated fairly. We could use you.” I crossed my arms over the sack I was wearing for clothes.
“Let’s go.” I said. Jace opened the door, letting the light blaze in. I lowered my eyelids, blocking out some of the light.
“It’s torchlight. It’s about midnight.” Jace said,
“It won’t hurt you.”
“One question.” I said. Jace turned to me and raised an eyebrow.
“What?” He asked “What are you? Vampire, Werewolf, Fey, both?” I asked. A half smile formed on his face.
“My dear, fallen, princess, everyone has one secret.” He said and lead me away.
When life hands you a BAD ROMANCE, pick up your TELEPHONE, call ALEJANDRO and JUST DANCE!




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Hello there!

So I love your idea. With some much vampire vs. werewolf stuff going around, it's nice to see one where a person can be a mix. The way it starts is really good. I feel like I already understand what I'm getting into. Personally, though, I'd like to see maybe a flashback of how Amira (great name-btw) killed her parents or go into more detail on why, but that's just me.

“What?” He asked “What are you? Vampire, Werewolf, Fey, both?” I asked. A half smile formed on his face.


This part is a little confusing. It took me a minute to figure who was saying what. Maybe try separating it a little?
Altogether, I can not wait to read more!

-Gabriella
There is no secret left unspoken.




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I think its a refrershing tale from some of the werewolf vampire stories going around all over teh web. (So yes I agree with you garbriella) It's just a little bit confusing the set up. I had to read some parts over trying to find out who was talking. But other than that it started out really good, and you should continue.

~MyBloodsInk
___My Blood is my Ink~~~
____My Bone is my Pen~~~~
___My Heart in the Words~~~
_My World in the End~




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Hey Kit!

In this, I didn't find many flaws, except the part that was mentioned earlier. I love how you take the vampire and werewolf craze that's going on and change it into something your own. Can't wait for more! (:
Katie ^-^




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Hi kitx!

Of course, Fey aren’t the only species on the island.

You spelled species wrong,you spelled it like this speices.

“Thank you.” I said, “And I’m not a Princess anymore. I’m just Amira, a cold, heartless killer.” “That is where you are wrong,” he said.

Should be like this, “Thank you.” I said, “And I’m not a Princess anymore. I’m just Amira, a cold, heartless killer.”
“That is where you are wrong,” he said.
End the paragraph once she's done talking, before he starts.

My slowly ran my eyes over his, committing his appearance to memory.

I don't know what your trying to say, I think you mean 'I slowly'

“Let’s go.” I said. Jace opened the door, letting the light blaze in. I lowered my eyelids, blocking out some of the light.


I would put, 'I thought the statement over before say, Let's go." Just an opinion.

“It’s torchlight. It’s about midnight.” Jace said,

I'm not sure what Jace is trying to say...

“What?” He asked “What are you? Vampire, Werewolf, Fey, both?” I asked. A half smile formed on his face.

End the paragraph once someone less starts talking.

I think your doing a good job! keep up the good work! :D

Jungle
Charlie Bucket: You can eat the grass?
Willy Wonka: Of course you can! Everything in this room is eatable, even *I'm* eatable! But that is called "cannibalism," my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies.



Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
— George Burns