This is the prologue to a story I started writing when I couldn't think of anything else to write. I haven't reviewed it, so I'm quite positive that the beginning is quite rough. But ah well...
…Prologue…
The town was falling asleep. The sun’s last bold rays of violet and indigo were fading into blackness. Street lamps were the brightest thing in the tiny town, nestled on the edge of the estuary. Most of the houses were old, from back in the day when fishing was thought to bring the town wealth and fame. And it did… for a time. The houses that were occupied were for the most part kept in excellent care. But the ones that weren’t were generally falling apart.
Except for one.
Everyone spoke of the Tam House in a whisper, as though afraid to be overheard. The locals had always been weary of it. Even from the time that it was still new and the town booming. It was the biggest and most lavish home in Grand Mouschester. With the finely carved lattices, a wrap-around porch and two towers on either side of the building. It still looked well cared for, as the last of the Tams had only died a few months ago. It was build half-way up one of the sharp hills that frowned down on Grand Mouschester, with only five-hundred decaying stone stairs leading up from the overgrown parking pad at the bottom where the FOR SALE sign had been hammer in.
And on the night when black clouds were beginning to build in the distance, a trio of teenaged boys were standing around the real estate sign. A couple of others were there as well, but were standing across the street from the bottom of the stairs. They were much to suspicious of the place to go any nearer then that.
One of the boys moved closer to the stairs, zipping up his hoodie. But whether it was from the beginning spattering of rain, or from the chills that had just run up his spine it was hard to tell.
“You ready?” he asked, turning back to the other two. His hair was a pale blond, so white that it looked almost luminescent in the dim lighting. There weren’t any street lamps on this side since it was technically on the outside of town.
“Yeah.” One of the other boys answer, snubbing out his cigarette on the top of the sign. He was a dark haired boy, a little taller and stronger looking then the first.
“This is a stupid dare.” The third one muttered resentfully, glancing back across the street to where the small crowd was watching intently. He looked nervous, fidgeting with the collar of his t-shirt and jumping at every rustle from the leaves that hemmed in the stone pathway up to the house.
“You don’t have to come.” The blond boy said, a curling smile raising the corner of his mouth. His tone was challenging and the other boy flinched. But managed to stop twitching so much as he returned the blond boy’s gaze with the firmest expression he could conjure.
“I’m not scared.” He replied coldly, trying to stare the other boy down. “But if you are we can just go back to the house.”
“Ladies, ladies.” The dark haired boy’s voice cut in, and the other two turned to already find him waiting at the bottom of the stairs. “This is too easy. It’s just a damn old house, and if either of you are too chicken to take a step onto a creaky floorboard, just wait here. Damien,” he was looking at the nervous boy, who’s eyes darted to the ground. “Just chill.”
“Yes, Jae.” Damien mumbled, eyes still on the ground.
“Emrys,” Jae’s eyes darted up to the blond boy, who returned his gaze with perfect confidence, a small cocky smile across his face. For a moment, their eyes met defiantly for a moment before Jae grinned. “Just keep your mouth shut.”
“Hah, like you do.” Emrys replied with a chuckle, before starting up the steps at a leisurely pace. Jae and Damien following shortly behind him.
They had been walking for a while when the first crash of thunder echoed through the valley. It was so loud and so close that Emrys could have sworn that a shudder had run through the trees.
All three of the boys froze, each of them as reluctant as the next to admit that they had jumped.
“Let go of me.” Emrys heard Jae snarl from behind him and Damien give an unintelligible whimper. But Emrys was too taken by the sight in front of him rather then the one behind.
“Woah.” He heard Jae mutter, for a moment it was deathly silent. Then a flash of lightning lit up the scene and they had their first close look at the Tam House.
It was bigger then any of them would have guessed. Mostly hidden by trees from the valley below, you could only see the top two stories. When in reality, it was four stories high with long windows on the bottom floor, then slowly getting smaller until the ones at the attic level were barely more then four-by-four squares.
The stairs flattened out into a curving stone walkway up to the grand front steps, and after a long pause Jae took a step forwards.
“You aren’t actually going in there!” Damien squeaked, his voice coming out an octave higher then it usually did.
“Uh…yeah?” Jae replied, obviously annoyed. “That is the reason why we’re here you know.”
Damien took a hasty step backwards, nearly falling down the steps. “No way. I am not going in there! It’s probably haunted or something.” And without another word he turned and started back down the stairs at a much faster pace then he had been coming up. “Good luck!” they heard him call back as he retreated.
Jae shook his head, rolling his eyes. “God…” then he turned to look at Emrys, whose eyes were still fixed on the house. He was biting his bottom lip, a slightly girly, but long present nervous habit of his. “Are you running back down there too, or coming with me?”
For a moment, Emrys didn’t move then nodded, giving Jae a quick grin. “Well, we did walk all the way up here…”
“Uh-huh, there’s the truth of it.” Jae answered with a grin, partially to hide his own growing fright.
There was a pause, in which neither of them moved. But it took the first few drops of rain dropping on their heads to make Emrys take the first few steps forwards.
They approached the house slowly, but with an air of confidence. Neither of them had ever laid eyes upon the place then they did at that moment. And they both had to admit that there was something terribly wrong about it. Sure the place looked grand enough, but Emrys was feeling a cold knot of fear being tied tight around his lungs.
When they reached the front door, Jae took hold of the handle. Hoping–praying—that the door would be left locked and they’d have to turn around. But the last realtor to show the place must have forgotten to lock the door and with only the slightest of creaks did the handle turn and the door swing open.
“How long to we have to stay in here?” Emrys asked, trying to sound casual as he peered around the doorframe into the dark corridor in front of them. Apparently, the whole house had been left fully furnished, for he could see the outline of a coat rack, and hear the ticking of a big clock.
“Just fifteen minutes.” Jae replied, giving Emrys’ shoulder a nudge. “You go first.”
Emrys shot his friend a dirty look, but stepped inside the hallway onto a dusty carpet. From the dim light that came from the doorway, plus with the occasional flash of lightning he could see that the hall was covered in portraits, with a cob-webbed chandelier hanging above his head and a sloping staircase leading to the second floor on his left. Looking up, he could see a stuffed buffalo head hanging on the wall above the door with a pair of antlers on either side.
“Well… it’s dusty.”
Jae’s voice made Emrys jump. He hadn’t heard the other boy come in behind him, too focused he was on his assessment of the place. Jae took a few steps forwards, looking around in an unimpressed way, his nose wrinkling at the dust that came up from the rug. “You want to look around?”
“No thanks.” Emrys replied, closing the door and somewhat blocking out the sound of the storm. “To be honest, this place really gives me the creeps and I’d rather just stay here.” He added, sitting down near the large grandfather clock he had heard from the doorway.
Jae shrugged and looked around for a moment more before heading for the stairs. “Suit yourself. It’s only fifteen minutes so I may as well take a quick look.”
Emrys was silent for a moment before calling up the stairs. “Be careful!” but he couldn’t guarantee that Jae heard him or not as the only reply he heard was the howling of the wind outside.
The house creaked, like all old houses do. But Emrys couldn’t help jumping at every slight sound. He couldn’t have said why, it was all perfectly normal for an old, creepy house but this place really scared him. His nerves were becoming pretty raw by the time he heard the soft footsteps on the carpeted stairs that nearly made him jump out of his wits, but it was only Jae, who gave him an amused look when he saw Emrys’ relief.
“Did you find anything interesting?” he managed to ask while keeping his voice relatively normal.
Jae shrugged with his usual nonchalant manner. “Not really. Just a bunch of dusty furniture.” He gave a low chuckle. “Though I have to say, there was a old dress form in one room that gave me quite a—“
He was abruptly cut off by a scream of utter terror. It sounded quite far off, but made the hair on both of the boys’ necks stand straight up. It carried on for a bit before ending suddenly.
“You don’t think…” Jae murmured, his eyes as wide as saucers.
“Damien?”
“Nah…he left ages ago.”
“But it was from the forest.”
Emrys had gotten to his feet now, noisily brushing dust off of his jeans when Jae suddenly made a sharp movement for silence. Emrys was about to ask why when Jae pressed a finger to his lips. Cocking his head for Emrys to listen.
At first, Emrys didn’t hear anything. But then the sound that Jae was listening so intently for reached his ears. A soft, rhythmic thumping coming from the second floor. Faint at first, but slowly growing louder as whatever was making the sound moved closer to the stairs. Jae, who was closest to the bottom backed up beside Emrys, until they were both against the wall. At this point, Emrys didn’t even try to deny that his hands were shaking.
“What is it?” he breathed, barely audible, but with Jae trembling beside him, the other boy heard him.
“I don’t know.”
“Did you see anything when you were upstairs?”
“I told you, nothing is up there.”
Then they were both abruptly silent when the sound stopped. It was definitely at the top of the stairs, but because of the darkness and the curve of the staircase, neither of them could be sure of what it was.
Then the thumping resumed down the stairs….
…and the boys screams were drowned out by the next crash of thunder.
There's nothing to really criticize or tell you to do better on, for me at least. Good luck!
There were just a few tidbits I saw:
