Lovingly

3 posts
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Gender Female
Points 5750
Reviews 76
This is my first song written in years.
Its really based on something that happened to me
So, yeah



You’re who I think of as tears go by. You’re the one I want when my hearts on the street. You’re the one who wants my love.
Lovingly, lovingly

Shes the one who wants you too, She’s the one who’ll see it through
She’s the one who think of me as the enemy.
But I think we’ll make it through
Seems like its up to me
And not you
Lovingly, Lovingly

There’s a terror in the streets
Always coming after me
Wake up every morning and see it’s her
And then when I see your face, everything seems okay
Everything’s a fake, nothing can be real
Lovingly, lovingly.

So I’ll pray for you and I,
‘Cause everything changes in the blink of an eye
And forever we’ll be
Lovingly, lovingly.
When life hands you a BAD ROMANCE, pick up your TELEPHONE, call ALEJANDRO and JUST DANCE!




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Points 42906
Reviews 240
Hey KitxKat, I'll try to review this since this has no reviews yet! One thing I cannot really critique you on is the format; I simply do not know how to correctly format lyrics. I'll leave that to somebody else.
I found only one big correction, which is on your use of 'lovingly, lovingly'. I understand that it is both the theme and the title of this song, but this song would be much better if each line of 'lovingly, lovingly' fit in with every part that contains it. It just sounds so strange when you basically say: 'You're the one who wants my love. Lovingly, lovingly.'. Doesn't that sound so awkward? Right.
Well, hope I helped! Keep on writing-

KD
Perfect things in life aren't things.
Spoiler
*_______*




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Gender Female
Points 1557
Reviews 13
I'm agreeing with the last post about the "lovely, lovely" part of the song. It doesnt seem to fit in very well.
Now format: I cant find the chorus. Now the chorus is suppose to be the hook of the lyrics and it repeats but all I see that repeats is "lovely, lovely" and it doesnt look as it fits! Also spaces between verses are needed. Other than that I love the verses, you metaphors and what-not is good. Keep writing!
Every time you smile, I smile
And every time you shine, Ill shine for you



For a short space of time I remained at the window watching the pallid lightnings that played above Mont Blanc and listening to the rushing of the Arve, which pursued its noise way beneath. The same lulling sounds acted as a lullaby to my too keen sensations; when I placed my head upon my pillow, sleep crept over me; I felt it as it came and blessed the giver of oblivion.
— Mary Shelley, Frankenstein