Lost Jewels

Diamonds sparkle on the brink of falling
Teeth grind the feeling to a halt
And from the sparks and confusion a machine is created
There is no logic, no reason behind this
The energy needs to go somewhere
So the energy is converted, transformed

Sad little lever into hate fuelled contraption
Into frustrated anger, coiling in the depths of the core
Hidden at the back of the machine
It sits there and bubbles, slowly conserving its power
Until, the gems can no longer be found; they never come near to dropping
They become stuck within the thousand clawed hooks of the appliance

This time there is no need for the mechanism to break through
You’ve already succumbed
The device begins its long waited for moment
Poison drips off your tongue
Words, as sweet as honey at first
But gradually rotting, decaying

You’ve lost
You are not you anymore. Something has taken you over.
Your crystals may blossom, they may rain down now in waves. But it is too late.
For they are flawed and cracked
Not the genuine ones you needed before the cogs began to turn.
You will never be you again.



(It's open to interpretation, but if you really want to know what it's about don't be afraid to ask. )

I love the language you used! It creates a vague image without really giving anything away, leaving the reader to create their own meaning and insert their own tribulations in, making it somewhat personalized to whoever reads it. I'm not sure if that was your intention, but that was kind of the way I felt through it. There are some problems with the rhythm and timing (though it all depends on what style of poetry you're using, I still couldn't find a rhythm though, which would help greatly with the impact of the poem), but through the entire poem you kept with the "mechanical" analogy, which is great! It created an impact, for me at least, you just need a rhythm and you'll have one awesome poem!

:Jeanette:

Teeth grind the feeling to a halt

What feeling? "Feeling" comes out of nowhere, and it threw me completely out of the poem.

The device begins its long waited for moment

Rather than "waited for", I think "awaited" flows better.

The second stanza was my favorite. The third, I really liked in the beginning, but the last two lines kind of killed it, and the last stanza I didn't much like at all. I think, if you had related the machine to "you" earlier on in the poem, or spent more time directly relating "you" to the machine in the last two stanzas, it would be better. Right now, "you" comes out of nowhere and suddenly dominates the poem, with hardly a trace of the machine you'd spent so much time on earlier on to be found.

I also think a little more consistency with the punctuation, especially in the last stanza, would be a good idea.