"Love, for Real?"

hey baby
I couldn't stop thinking about you last night
[she smiles]
about how much I love you
and everything
and how I realised that I don't
[smile fades]
because I saw this TV program
it started around 9 o'clock
(was a bit delayed though
damn news overrunning)
it was called "Love, for Real?" or something like that
about how people don't actually love each other
but in fact it was an emotion
that is only said to be felt
to hide a person's basic desires
of sex with the opposite sex
and stuff like that
I don't love you
sorry baby
I love every girl
with long, luscious legs
and a beautiful smile
the secretary at my dad's office
even I love her
just as much as you

---------

Rip it apart if you please.

Hey! I really liked this seeing as I'm a bit of a cynical person. This seems like something a few guys I know would say. Very original. The first anti-love poem I've ever read.

In terms of format, it was good except for a few times when I think you could have kept the line going.
Like right here:

it was called "Love, for Real?" or something
like that

I think you could make that all one line.

Overall, very nice and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Silver

Thank you, changed that line

like silver said, very original.

and how I realised I don't

brutal honesty. nice. i know guys like that, too.

and stuff
and stuff like that

and stuff twice... i would get rid of one of those, it seems to repetetitave.

I really enjoyed this poem. Glad to see you're posting more Firestarter - oh, and congrats on becoming member of the month ! Now, to the poem...I dont really think theres that much I can say that hasnt already been said.

hey baby
I couldn't stop thinking about you last night
[she smiles]
about how much I love you
and everything
and how I realised I don't
[smiles fades]

That bit should be [smile fades], and I'd insert 'that' into 'and how I realized [that] I dont', I think it would help the flow a bit more.

because I saw this TV program
it started around 9 o'clock
was a bit delayed though
D*** news overrunning
it was called "Love, for Real?" or something like that
It was about how people don't actually love each other

I think you could get rid of the second 'it was' - the repetition spoils the rhythm you have going. And if I were you I'd put brackets around 'was a bit delayed though/D*** news overrunning' - it just sounds like it should be an aside, sort of.

but in fact it was an emotion
that is only said to be felt
to hide a person's basic desires
of sex with the opposite sex
and stuff like that

I like these lines, particularly 'of sex with the opposite sex/and stuff like that', it fits perfectly with the flow.

I don't love you
sorry baby
I love every girl
with long, luscious legs
a beautiful smile
the secretary at my dad's office
even
I love her
just as much as you

A powerful ending. I'd put 'and' before 'a beautiful smile', seems to read better that way, and change 'even' to the beginning of the previous line (althought that bit isnt entirely necessary, I just like everything in order LOL).
Other than those nit-picks, its great. Definitely unique and brutally honest. Quite refreshing

Thank yoo bubble and Mesh! I'll do the changes you suggest, they all seem good ideas!

The ending was crappy. I liked the poem, especially whenever it came off as a monologue, but after reading some of your other work, I think this is not quite up to par. I understand what you're saying, but it just ends, like a song that suddenly skips halfway through to the next track. There were parts in here that gave it a personal touch, which was great, but some seemed to break the flow of the poem. As I read, I constantly kept getting aggravated because I had to restart the rhythm and pace I was going at it with. I liked your concept here, but it wasn't pulled off unscathed, I suppose. Making the reccommended suggestions will make it a much easier poem to read and make it one of the best I've read in a while.

Dang...
talk about a bad dump...
i would've hated to be that girl...
poor her...