There's kerosene in my veins.

The incense of your body
slides over my face.
So I lean back and feel it

Would you caress me with your chivalry?

Fooled by your politician’s smile,
your voice to me is dreamsmoke.
The things you said
seem only imagined

Whisper sweet-somethings to me until
sunset

Fingertips whisper along skin
your husky tone evolves me

rain down on me
rain down on me
rain down your liquidsorrow

There’s kerosene in my veins
and your warm mouth is the spark
that sets me aflame

Hmm. I like it.

The first stanza didn't really do anything for me, but the second stanza caught my attention. The rest was great. Warm and sensual, I think you created the images and the mood you intended.

I wasn't too sure about: your husky tone evolves me

Evolves? From dictionary.com:

dictionary.com wrote:e·volve ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-vlv)
v. e·volved, e·volv·ing, e·volves
v. tr.
To develop or achieve gradually: evolve a style of one's own.
To work (something) out; devise: “the schemes he evolved to line his purse” (S.J. Perelman).
Biology. To develop (a characteristic) by evolutionary processes.
To give off; emit.

Perhaps you meant "envelope" or "envelop"? Not really sure, but evolve doesn't seem to fit there. Unless you meant that the tone changes the speaker... Clarification?

The last stanza was great. I've heard expressions about fire in the veins and other variations of the same, but the image of kerosene and a kiss lighting it is awesome.

Nice work and Merry Christmas.

Nah, evolves fits, though I'm thinking in a slightly more... um... physical way than you are, perhaps.

I like this; in my mind, it reads in a slightly detatched, surreal sort of a way. That's good - and poem that's got its own voice is working the way it should.

Firstly - get some more punctuation in there. You've got whole sections where there is none, and you need to get into the habit of reading your work out loud, and sticking in commas and full-stops and [semi-]colons where you naturally pause. That'll make all your work so much more accessible and definitely more professional.

The title... I think it's too much, too obvious. If I were you, I'd try and make it something shorter, perhaps just "Kerosene." I think this title gives away one of your best lines before the poems even started. Make it brief.

That's all - I liked this, just needs a wee bit of touching up and I reckon it'll be very good indeed.

Thank you both, and evolves was really the word that fit to me, so it's what I put. Backgroundbob got my line of thinking.

It's amusing. Kerosene in your veins? Your mouth is the spark? Does that mean that lover is a vampire and you are one of rare occurences of spontanious human combustion? That's gotta hurt. And this vampire has incense in his body. At least he doesn't have garlic...

And I don't think it's possible to be carressed by chivalry.

XD

Okay, okay, serious now.

First, combining words together is annoying. Second, "dreamsmoke" is an annoying word. Third? If you're going to use punctuation in poetry, you MUST use correct punctuation. Periods indicate full stops. This mean that the throat is relaxed and the lips temporarily close. Usually, full stops aren't used in the middle of a stanza. Look at your punctuation carefully.

heh I liked it. I like those clever metaphors and fancy words. Nice job

The first stanza was mediocre but you caught me on the second, such simple imagery really beautifully written. If I had the same images in my mind, I wouldn't be able to assemble them this way!