Acacia

Im sorry i posted the wrong part of the chapter and now i can't figure out how to delete!!

Ooh, interesting! I'm a sucker for fantasy novels. I want to learn more about this electric princess.

Judging by the sound of the horses’ hooves I’d say there were about 15 guards pursuing me through the forest.

This sounds awkward, I'd rewrite.

You switched tenses quite often. Stick to one tense.

“The girl little girl is gone!” I heard one say

Yeah...that should be self-explanitory =p

I also thought the pacing was much too fast. It was also slightly confusing, because the reader is just thrown into the middle of the story. There are some clues-the mention that she's a princess, has powers, and is running away-but a few more might be nice.

Have you ever had that terrifying dream where you run and you run, but it’s never fast enough to evade the monster chasing you? That’s me right now, except your nightmare has become my reality.

Ah, but she has guards after her. Not a monster. At least, not the freaky monster I'm imagining. C: I loved this, though. Wonderful example of a brilliant, catchy first line...or two. ;D

I’d say there were about 15 guards

Fifteen.

I was only a 16 year old girl,

Sixteen.

Okay, write the numbers out. You've actually done this throughout the piece, except for these two. Writing numbers out looks far more professional and doesn't horribly stick out so much. However, if you need to write a very long and complicated number, it would be easier to understand if wrote it numerically.

The voice and language is also confusing to me. At one moment she sounds like any other teenager then she starts talking about how the trees can be seen from "afar". Choose how she talks and stick to it, otherwise it's hard to get your character pegged down. Teenage girls will not use "afar". Old fashioned princesses will not use "Good thing we did probability in math lessons before I was kicked out".

I'd suggest reading through it a little more closely. You're missing a full-stop.

“But what if her powers have grown?” The smaller man said

And quite a few needed commas are also missing.
For instance:

"Don’t be a fool Lunar, her powers don’t allow her to disappear, the king himself said so!"

There should be a comma after "fool". The name is separate from the phrase. "Don't be a fool, Lunar. Her powers don't allow her to disappear, the king himself said so!" I put a full-stop there to aid the flow. C:

“Hey horse, I could really use a hand right now, do you think I could borrow you for a while?” The horse neighed in reply, and I smiled, having taken that as a yes.

Okay, no offense, but I found this sickly and unrealistic. The horse can't understand her (unless in your world horses are able to figure out what people are saying) so why neigh?If you still want a response, perhaps a snort or something. I don't know, a neigh seems to fairytale like... Ha, quite a nitpick. Sorry.

I'm trusting an explanation will be given in later chapters as to what's going on. It seems like we've skipped three chapters and have been planted in the middle of the action. Which is great and attention-grabbing, but we need to know what's going on. Explanations in the next chapter, please?

Well, I did enjoy it. Action, a chase.. Great stuff. Could you perhaps PM me when you post more? I'm curious about the events that lead up to this chase.. C:

~EmmaJane~

Im sorry i posted the wrong part of the chapter and now i can't figure out how to delete!!

Ah ha ha. Well, that makes explains the whole "what's going on?" feel! Actually, once people have reviewed your work, you can't delete it. It would be unfair to take away someone's review. ...But you can do what you've just done there... C:
When you do post the first chapter, you'll PM me, right? ;D
Happy writing!
~EmmaJane~