Confessions

Found this in my archives. I wouldn't be surprised if you think it's a little weird!

Sit,
We have to talk.
Did you travel well?
How is the weather?
And you are you well?

Shh...
I must insist
That you listen.
Hear my voice
For I have missed it.

Please,
Don’t say anything
Yet. I don’t know
How you will react,
A lot has happened.

No,
I have to say this.
Would you care for
Some water first?
Alright, suit yourself.

Just,
Just listen, it will
Be over soon.
You will then hate me
After I tell you.

Wait,
Don’t be hasty.
Alright, alright then;
I will just say it.
Mom, dad,

I ate the last donut...and I failed my midterms.

LQTM (laughing quietly to myself). At the beginning it was a bit confusing what exactly was going on. I reread nearly every line over again until the very end which was quite amusing. Good job on this post Ziggiefred!
As a review it was flawless I didn't find any mistakes and flow was just a bit rocky (as you can imagine) but all and all it was fantastic.
Keep it up!

Hi,

This was very funny! I love the tone and the build-up to the revelation of the final line.

I'd change "for" as it doesn't quite fit in with the register here, and the same with "care for."

I'd tweak the first stanza a little because "Sit" suggests that the speaker is with her parents and the final two lines of teh stanza suggest that they are apart and talking on the phone. The fourth stanza also suggests that they are together so I think I'd go with that.

An enjoyable read overall.

Hope this helps,

Jas

Hahahahaha! oh, oh this is brilliant. I love it.

Great poem.
Wonderful build-up - at first it seems like two people together, talking back and forth, in a way that would commonly imply an impending break-up. Instead, the last line wittily subverts the reader's expectations.

And you are you well?

- This line needs changing. Firstly, the 'you are you' seems redundant and distant in what is otherwise an intimate conversation. The 'well' also threw me off because of the repeat from two lines prior.

Otherwise, nice job!

Haha, I really like this.. an anticlimax of sorts, and excellently penned one. I especially love the part about donuts. I am quite fond of donuts.
Anywho. Great voice throughout this- love the conversational tone. I really don't have much in the critical sense to say. Nice write.

-Coral-

At first I was a little confused, then I got the gist, then I thought something serious was going to happen, then I read the last line and it made me laugh. I liked the way I didn't actually know exactly what was going on until the very end, some people aren't so keen on that but the last line acted like a punchline and I thought that it was really effective. I really enjoyed it.

Bahahahahaha!!! Love this! Enough said! Brilliant!!!

In the words of the Russian on the Insight commercials, "This is epic win." lol. You literally had me rolling on the floor laughing. When i was reading this i was was thinking, "Aww man, another one of these deep, touchy-feely poems" but then I read the last line and i was like, "YESS!! that's how to write a poem. XD(<thats me laughing as I write this review type thingy)" Keep it up, broski(uni-sexual).

Hahahahha i really liked that you created a little suspense. I loved the end part it was a total surprise. Keep it up! This was really good.

dude you seriously had me fooled! i though you were about to spill some deep dark secret and all it wuz wuz you eating a donut! i busted out laughing at the end. keep writing cuz you're good... and srry about u failing your midterms

This beyond funny. It had great building up emotions and everything. It made my day.

Thank you all