Rain

This is something I came came up with off the top of my head
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Patterpitterpatter
It hammers on the window
Patterpitterpatter
Like the tears of a widow
Patterpitterpatter
As she cries on her husband's grave
Patterpitterpatter
The love he gave
Gone forever
But one day, you'll be back together.

This was interesting. At first, I wasn't sure I'd like the repetition of the patterpitterpatter, but it worked for this. You also had some great imagery going here, comparing the rain to the tears of a widow. Very nice and creative.

There were a couple of things I think could use work, though. One of them is punctuation, another is overall rhythm, and then there's a couple of wording choices. All of these things become easier to see when the patterpitterpatters are taken out, like so.

The sound as it hammers on the window
Like the tears of a widow
As she cries on her husband's grave
The love he gave
Gone forever
But one day, you'll be back together.

As you can see, the line lengths are not even, which throws off the rhythm, especially since you're rhyming. I suggest evening the rhyming lines lengths. Also, the lack of punctuation is really obvious and makes this poem difficult to read, especially the lines "The love he gave / Gone forever" since the reader is unsure if they're part of a new sentence or not. A good way to check that your punctuation is proper is to write your poem out in regular prose format. If it still reads smoothly, then you're fine. If not, punctuate accordingly before putting it back into poem form.

As far as wording goes, there was only one spot that really caught my eye, and that was the first line, "The sound as it hammers on the window". "Sound" is such a vague word, and you already told us exactly what kind of sound it was with the patterpitterpatter, so it's a bit redundant. I suggest deleting "the sound" entirely as it is unnecessary and removing it evens up the line lengths.

Overall, this is a good, solid start.

Hiya,

This is going to be a short review because I don't really have much to stay. All in all, it was a lovely poem. It created a soft, gentle imagery and gave me the warm feeling I sense whenever I'm inside on a really rainy day. What I don't like, however, is the repetition of 'patterpitterpatter'. Having it after every line makes the whole thing feel kind of disjointed, as Kyllorac pointed out. Don't completely erase it from the poem, though. I think it creates a nice separation between describing the physicality of rain and describing what the rain actually creates. What I noticed in your poem was several related lines or mini-stories, like this:

Patterpitterpatter
As she cries on her husband's grave
Patterpitterpatter
The love he gave
Patterpitterpatter
Gone forever

The three lines here talk about the woman and her dead husband. Because it's a soft and tender moment, the "Patterpitterpatter' distracts from the flow of the story. It would be nice to read it all at once without any breaks, ja? Anyway, good luck with this, and PM me if you have any questions.

-Elinor x

I agree with Elinor that the repetition of "patterpitterpatter" does somewhat clash with the beauty and tenderness of the moment by interrupting the other lines. Also, the rhythm of this poem is somewhat unbalanced because while the "patterpitterpatter" lines are all in rhythmic uniform for obvious reasons, the other lines are not, varying in length and so on, so as a whole the poem doesn't have a very strong flow. It was an interesting idea, not entirely well-executed. But I think you'll get there soon!