Baby

Hi Emmy! Gosh, Emmy is a cute name. *gives a muffin*

So, I think your poem is very sparse right now. Imagine all of the imagery that you can add to this. You’re first three stanzas are also metaphors. And metaphors can be very powerful. But you can still elaborate.

However, the last two stanzas and those last four lines, those were the real neck-grabbers because they were a little more raw and not as shiny and pretty as the others. And sometimes, things don’t have to be shiny and pretty and well put together. Sometimes they can be rough and tumbled because when they are, they become a little more real and they have a little more life.

I hope these loose suggestions were helpful.

~lilymoore

Hello there.
Well, I think I liked it. I liked your metaphors, they were deep. The problem I had with this poem is that there is very little in it. But then again, the poet always knows what they are talking about and it's up to 'us' to try and figure it out.
Keep writing
Ziggie

It was really deep. I liked the last 6 lines. It was such a shift, more dark and I didn't expect that. It actually works really well. I like it but I think perhaps you could elaborate more. Maybe the beginning and the end could have a bit more. Overall, it is good.

Great work I not quite share what you are trying to get through with is piece but it sounded good nevertheless.
Is it a girl with a broken heart or a guy giving his life for her.
Anyways again I say great work and keep it up!
-Dawn