Angel of the dark

Angel of the dark

The gates stood open,
Open to hell.
And there he stood,
He who from heaven fell.

There stood I, in front of him,
He who fell from the skies.
I looked at his face,
Cruelty shone in his eyes.

He took my hand,
It was cold as ice.
He pulled me close,
And whispered lies.

His voice was seducing,
As he tried to fool me.
But I stood strong,
Told him to leave me be.

But he was stronger,
He hurt me with marbel hands.
His cruel eyes scared me,
So I followed his demands.

As he blindly led me to the gate,
The gate that led to hell.
I was feeling the heat,
Hells fire, and then I fell.

His cold grip loosened,
And I was burning in the fire.
I was fighting against the pain,
But my pain was his desire.

I was bleeding through open scars.
And in to the smoky air,
My humanity disappeared.
But he didn’t care.

My heart was being broken,
And I was bleeding in vain.
I was being burned alive,
But the loss of love was the real pain.

Hell is the loss of love,
An existing hate.
Heaven is above,
Based on fate.

I’m burning in hell,
Burning in my heart.
As I’m filled with hate,
Love is falling apart.

The devil looks at me,
With cruel eyes.
He laugh’s at me,
He is cold as ice.
He is the loss of love.

A craving hate,
I’m loosing my fate.
I’m loosing love,
I’m hateful, I’m hate.
I’m becoming him.

WHOA!!!
Totally loved! that. It's very deep. Definitely MY KIND OF POETRY .
Just one thing ... even though it's poetry, it still needs punctuation.
It helps the reader know how to read it.It makes you read the poem with more
expression in your voice and just the way it's meant to be read.
So lets me help .... HA! I shall use pink font.!!
Here's how the first stanza would look ......

The gates stood open,
Open to hell.
And there he stood,
He who from heaven fell.

And soo forth ... Keep on writing good poems!

I liked the topic of this poem. And I liked the way the way you wrote it, too. There are some parts that I think could be better though. Also, it would be better if you added punctuation in it at the end of lines.

But he was stronger
His torturing hands
And cruel eyes
I followed his demands

This isn't a sentence. Tell us how his hands and eyes were stronger?

When I into the pit fell

That sounds awkward. You should change it to 'When into the pit I fell'.

Hell is, the loss of love

Take out the comma.

The devil looks at me
With cruel eyes
He laugh’s at me
He is cold as ice
He is the loss of love

A craving hate
I’m loosing my fate
I’m loosing love
I’m hateful, I’m hate
I’m becoming him

These last two stanzas have five lines instead of four like the rest of the poem. I think you should either take out one line from each making them four lines, or take one line from each and put it into one more stanza, adding two more lines giving it four.

Over all, good job. I really liked the rhyme scheme in this.

You captured me by your title. Now normally when I see a poem this long I'd most likely skip over it. But this, my friend, is what poetry is! I do not have anything bad to say about this, except this is so amazing. You have a very creative mind, and that's something I come across rarely. This poem brought me into a state of mind, of darkness if you will, that I thought I did not poses anymore. And it's not a bad thing, it helps me write when I'm more gloomy. (:

You have a amazing talent and I look forward to reviewing more of your works in the near future. Keep writing!

-M.H.Darling

...

The gates stood open,
Open to hell.
And there he stood,
He who from heaven fell.

There stood I, in front of him,
He who fell from the skies.
I looked at his face,
Cruelty shone from his eyes.

He took my hand,
It was cold as ice.
He pulled me close,
And whispered lies. Really liked this stanza.

His voice was seducing,
As he tried to fool me.
But I stood strong,
Told him to leave me be. You don't really need the be.

But he was stronger,
He tortured with his hands.
His cruel eyes scared me,
So I followed his demands.

As he blindly led me to the gate,
The gate that led to hell.
I was feeling the heat,
Hell's fire, and then I fell.

His cold grip loosened,
And I was burning in the fire.
I was fighting against the pain,
But my pain was his desire.

I was bleeding through open scars.
And in to the smoky air,
My humanity vanished. I would change it to vanished.
But he didn’t care.

My heart was being broken,
And I was bleeding in vain.
I was burning alive,
But it was the loss of love that was the pain.

Hell is the loss of love,
An existing hate.
Heaven is above,
Based on I would add a syllable here fate.

I’m burning in hell,
Burning in my heart.
As I’m filled with hate,
Love is falling apart.

The devil looks at me,
With cruel eyes.
He laugh’s at me,
He is cold as ice.
He is the loss of love.

A craving hate,
I’m loosing my fate.
I’m loosing love,
I’m hateful, I’m hate.
I’m becoming him.

So I really like this. You should definitely keep writing poetry, you know.
Hope this helped!

I liked this but honestly you departed from you rhyme scheme while honestly I' a very anti-rhyme scheme kind of guy if you given yourself a certain one I wouldn't depart from it. Aside from that an excellent poem I really enjoyed reading it. Once I finally post a poem feel free to tear it to shreds.

Thank you, yes, PM me or notify me on my wall and I'll make sure to check it out xD